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Original poster

AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

508 replies

DannyOD · 08/08/2026 10:23

Okay - so this will be long so strap in.

My two DD’s (26 and 22) live with me and DH. They have never particularly got on and Dd2 dislikes Dd1’s boyfriend intensely. For reference Dd2 has AuDHD and finds him too loud and in your face. He also cheated on Dd1 6 years ago which she has forgiven but Dd2 hasn’t.

Dd1 has just announced that she is pregnant. She wants to move her BF in and live with us when the baby is born. DD2 is adamant that this cannot happen as she says there is not enough room (we can do it with a bit of shuffling about - there is more room at his parents house) and that she couldn’t bear to live with him and a baby and if we go ahead she will move out and live with my elderly Mum. She is spiralling a bit anyway as she has finished her Uni course this year and finds change really challenging.

I just don’t know what to do. I would love to have the baby here and help Dd1 but this is Dd2’s home too and I need to take her feelings into account too.

OP posts:
Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 08/08/2026 10:39

TheignT · 08/08/2026 10:31

Maybe it's so they can save a deposit to buy their own place. Id do it if that was the case and they could tell me how long it would take to save. I wouldn't be allowing the other DD to dictate who I can have living in my house.

“Maybe it's so they can save a deposit to buy their own place”

If that’s the case, you don’t decide to have a baby.

IsawwhatIsaw · 08/08/2026 10:39

Can understand you want to help, but I’d be wary of this arrangement. It’s likely to be disruptive and for a lengthy time.
You say your DD is not able to live independently and has a lazy BF .
you will end up co parenting.

Original poster
DannyOD · 08/08/2026 10:39

DoloresDelEriba · 08/08/2026 10:33

It sounds as if she she shouldn’t even be having a baby, let alone moving in with you. That’s the advice she needs. You need to say no and tell her not to have the baby.

Wow!! I certainly will not be telling her not to have the baby. She has spent her life thinking she wouldn’t be able to get pregnant (a whole other story) and it’s not for me to tell ANYBODY what to do with their body.

OP posts:
Naurrr · 08/08/2026 10:38

She can't house herself or afford a kid. It's on her and her boyfriend to rectify both these things.
There's no reason at all for you to house a grown man.

JonasFries · 08/08/2026 10:36

Why isn't DD1 looking to get married now given she's with child?

Original poster
DannyOD · 08/08/2026 10:35

thepariscrimefiles · 08/08/2026 10:31

Why don't DD1 and her boyfriend find somewhere to live on their own with their baby? Is money as issue?

Do you like DD1's boyfriend. From what you have said, he sounds like a bit of a knob.

Not particularly to be honest. He has some good points but I do find him irritating and lazy. I am hoping he will step up now. I do however love my Dd1 and want to help her.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 08/08/2026 10:35

At 26 and with a baby on the way she needs her independence and own place. I can understand why DD2 wouldn't cope with a baby in the house, babies are lovely but noisy and disruptive. I'd also be concerned that this dynamic would mean you'd effectively end up as a coparent to the baby when surely you'd rather just be a grandparent.

RoseField1 · 08/08/2026 10:35

DoloresDelEriba · 08/08/2026 10:33

It sounds as if she she shouldn’t even be having a baby, let alone moving in with you. That’s the advice she needs. You need to say no and tell her not to have the baby.

She can't tell a woman in her mid twenties to have an abortion. She can refuse to facilitate her life however.

backformoreofthesame · 08/08/2026 10:35

sound like you will have to have the baby with you but the boyfriend is a big no

PollyBell · 08/08/2026 10:35

topcat2014 · 08/08/2026 10:33

26 is not 16. If they all stay with you, the relationship will not survive. They need to grow up - but of course you would be there in the event of disasters.

They have months to plan

Well the relationship survive anyway but the daughter is old enough to get pregnant she is old enough to live independently

RoseField1 · 08/08/2026 10:34

DannyOD · 08/08/2026 10:32

Well it’s bit late now as she is pregnant. No point in saying this to her now. Neither of my DD’s are in a position to move out so I am just trying my best to help them b

Show quote history

Of course they are in a position to move out. It won't be easy but they are two adults with capacity to work and pay rent so they can move out. What is their work situation? Do you own a property so could be a guarantor for them?

Crucible · 08/08/2026 10:33

If she moves in,baby 2 will be along quick sharp...

DoloresDelEriba · 08/08/2026 10:33

It sounds as if she she shouldn’t even be having a baby, let alone moving in with you. That’s the advice she needs. You need to say no and tell her not to have the baby.

Lennonjingles · 08/08/2026 10:33

I would leave it as it stands now, are they saving either for a deposit for a house or somewhere to rent. My two Sons don’t get along, to put it mildly, younger son has moved out and to be honest, it’s bliss now.

topcat2014 · 08/08/2026 10:33

26 is not 16. If they all stay with you, the relationship will not survive. They need to grow up - but of course you would be there in the event of disasters.

They have months to plan

alittlepieceofme · 08/08/2026 10:32

MurielTheTerrible · 08/08/2026 10:29

If she can't afford to live independently/with her boyfriend, she can't afford a baby. And I certainly would not have him move in with you.

This!

Original poster
DannyOD · 08/08/2026 10:32

MurielTheTerrible · 08/08/2026 10:29

If she can't afford to live independently/with her boyfriend, she can't afford a baby. And I certainly would not have him move in with you.

Well it’s bit late now as she is pregnant. No point in saying this to her now. Neither of my DD’s are in a position to move out so I am just trying my best to help them b

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 08/08/2026 10:32

At 26 you need to cut the apron strings…

thepariscrimefiles · 08/08/2026 10:31

Why don't DD1 and her boyfriend find somewhere to live on their own with their baby? Is money as issue?

Do you like DD1's boyfriend. From what you have said, he sounds like a bit of a knob.

Sparkletastic · 08/08/2026 10:31

Goodness no they need to get their own place

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePleaseBarista · 08/08/2026 10:31

26 is certainly old enough to be living independently, especially if having a family of their own.

TheignT · 08/08/2026 10:31

Maybe it's so they can save a deposit to buy their own place. Id do it if that was the case and they could tell me how long it would take to save. I wouldn't be allowing the other DD to dictate who I can have living in my house.

Dollymylove · 08/08/2026 10:31

I would say no. These are things that couples should have in place before starting a family. Why cant she move in with her BF?

Gardenisablooming · 08/08/2026 10:31

My dd was 17 and her bf 16 when she got pregnant..they lived with us until dgc was 9 months. It wasn't easy but all current inhabitants were on board.
At 26 it would be a no from me.

Morethanadecade · 08/08/2026 10:30

No, they should not move in. They need their own place and shouldn’t be living with either set of parents, unless absolutely desperate.

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