AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

I’d let daughter move in but not her boyfriend. If he’s lazy and irritating, this will only be magnified when a baby comes along. I’d also put in some strict house rules with regards to boyfriend visiting. This is your home and your youngest daughters home and your eldest needs to respect that.

All your points are incorrect.
Deposits are required
They only pay no council tax if they are students
Guarantors are required if they are on a low wage or can't provide references from previous landlords.

I think you are confusing private rentals with student halls of residence and being a lodger.

Maybe that poster was a bit harsh, but they're adults for god's sake, closer to 30 than 20! If they're ready to start a family, they're ready to do it on their own. Sounds like you've enabled both of your DDs to be helpless children even into adulthood.

This is tricky and you don’t mention if there is your own DH to consider in this mix too.
The trouble with allowing daughter and baby only to stay is that you are absolving the father of all responsibilities, sleepless nights and also just as importantly bonding. It would also potentially make it easier for him to fade into the background and/or potentially find another unencumbered girlfriend, as he’s already been a cheater at least once. On the other hand she’s your daughter and you would no doubt move heaven and earth for her and new gc.
Personally, I think I would offer to help towards the first 12 months rental on a small place for them after the child is born, provided the bf is working and saving as much as he can. This would allow them to stand on their own feet and see if they could pull together properly. You can offer lots of help but from the sidelines and with the rest of your household getting proper sleep etc.
From when you decide to become a parent you have to grow up and stand up for the sake of the child. That doesn’t preclude help, but the new parents must parent.

I fell pregnant (planned) when I was 26, I was married and we owned our home. There’s no way I would have had a baby if we didn’t have our own place.

I’ve already told my children that if they want to have a baby or move in with a partner they will have to move out! I don’t want to live with anyone else particularly a lazy partner of my children. Would drive me mad. And not fair on my other child.

Either she moves out by the time she is 6 months pregnant or if she’s not in a position to do that it’s time for a tough decision to be made

If two grown adults cannot work and between them afford a place together, even a studio then they should not be having a baby.

No she needs to move out and rent with her partner. She’s 26 not 16 after all. by her age I had been living by myself with a child for years.

Surely they’d qualify for social housing?

@DannyOD
Don't do this, It's going to be a disaster that will linger till baby's in their teens
You've said there's more space at his mums
So they can go stay there,
It took two to tango you know..........

At 26 your DD and her partner should be able to sort out their living situation ahead of their child arriving. If needed, you’re a potential back-up for your DD and GC, but not the feckless boyfriend (who you admit is lazy).

If you let them all live with you, I feel sorry for your DD2, knowing she is really dislikes the BF, it would feel like a kick in the guts there. Why would you prioritise him over you DD2 when it seems it’s his actions and lack of gumption that has led to him needing to move in with you and DD1?

Can't afford to house themselves but are bringing a child into the world and expect to be propped up by Mum and Dad, he'll no! This will end in disaster

I would not let the boyfriend move in. She is 26 and if she wants to live as a family she should be prepared to secure housing and provide for her family.

I would not kick her and the baby out. I would let her live there on the condition she agrees to sit down and discuss her plan for eventually becoming self sufficient. Relying on a boyfriend who also doesn’t have his own housing is not a plan. She needs to figure out her career post maternity leave and how she is going to balance work and parenting.

She is an adult, but she is not living independently like an adult. She is trying to move to life stages that she isn’t prepared for and expecting other people to take care of her. That means you need a bigger parenting role than with an average 26 year old.

They should have thought about all this before your daughter got pregnant. The entitlement and immaturity of some young people these days is unbelievable. It would be a big “no” from me. You will probably end up doing the majority of the childcare.

Daughter 1 and son in law/ bf need to find their own place. I would make that clear.
You are giving out the wrong messages imho if you are suggesting otherwise
And Ditto younger daughter. She's still quite young but you need to get her to understand she needs a plan towards living independently..
Room in shared house as a starter?

If you decide they are going to move in i think you need to set a few things straight with them.
Do they both work if yes will they be contributing towards rent/bill/ food as the cost of living is ridiculous at the moment.
You mentioned the boyfriend is quite lazy will he have to help with house chors ie washing up/ laundry making dinner for the family sometimes.
Or they they don't need to help with cost towards rent and and stuff will they be saving for their own place instead of just spending what they earn.
Having a baby is so expensive nowadays it's nice you ar willing to help but I think they need to realise how generous you are being and return the favour by helping you.

This is a recipe for disaster. My daughter and her partner lived with me in COVID when their first baby was born. It was incredibly difficult and we came close to falling out permanently! Things were much better once they were in their own place and I could visit. Don't do it. They need their own space.

DD2 reminds me of my bf, using his autism to justify why he didn’t like my parents…
make DD2 get a job, sounds like she needs a reality check

In a nutshell you need to know which daughter your going to choose
there is no compromise
as much as you love DD who’s pregnant I’d leave the to it there housing isn’t your problem yo solve they should of thought about that before she was pregnant

It’s pretty mad that DD2 has assumed this is what will happen and that they can impose on her parents and sister in this way.

If you want to help them, pay 6 months rent somewhere for them to help get them set up. When their relationship fails ( which it will) she can come to you with baby if necessary.

you’re really not helping her very much by being a Iive in babysitter and bank. As much as you clearly want that for yourself.

Have the prospective parents got jobs. If so they can move out and rent. It's a poor show being so irrespnsible at the age of 26.

You say that there is more room at his parents' house?
So, that being the case and with all the reasons against (DD2's objections; your evaluation of DD1's DP), it makes very good sense for them to move into HIS parents' house. Away from your family (DD1's FOO). Then let things play out for a while. Can they manage to build a family-unit together? Does the relationship last for more than, say, 2yrs? Can they manage to get social-housing given their housing needs? Or, does it all fall apart? That's when you offer to house (only) DD1 and DGC.

If he moves in, I 100% guarantee that a “lazy” man will not step up now that he has a child. Yes, we all want to help our children, but as parents, we need to be wary of not infantilising them and enabling them to remain children forever. Having the BF move in will not help them to become independent in the future—there will be no incentive to move out.

Have you had the awkward conversation about why they thought that they were ready to have a family, when they’re not capable of putting a roof over their own 2 heads, let alone 3?

If my DD really could not put a roof over her head and was pregnant, I would continue to house her, but not the BF. They need a fire under their bellies to stand on their own two feet if they want to play happy families. It’s not down to you to facilitate this.

This quote tells us all we need to know. The family think the bf is lazy already with no
baby on the scene; and no, there’s no chance of him ever ‘stepping up’! OP will end up looking after the baby more than the dad if they all end up living there together. Enabling him, as again, he’ll have an easy life still

If they were teenagers yes, but they are mid-late twenties, I’m not sure why they wouldn’t be able to set up home together, now baby is on the way? Do you work op? as I’m sure you’ll be roped in, above and beyond, on granny duties, if they’re living with you. Plus the cost will be a lot, will they be contributing? do they both work FT??

i can see it won’t be fair on dd2 if she doesn’t get on with the boyfriend of dd1. Her home is her safe space and she’s feeling anxious that this will change

Nevermind Dd2s (valid) feelings, you are setting your DD1 and her partner up to fail by not showing them some tough love and saying they need to grow up, sort out their income, and be independent if they really want to be a family. Tell them you’re thrilled for them and lay out where you are willing to help (giving x amount for them to purchase second hand necessities) and work with them on their budgets, further income streams, and fixing a date when they both live elsewhere ready to welcome their child and be proper adults and a family