AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

@DannyOD

Would it not be better for them to find a flat to rent, OP?

Does he work full-time?

This is a disaster waiting to happen. Lazy BF who DD2 hates and a new born baby in a crowded house? No. Forget what DD1 'wants'. Say you are prepared to let her and the baby stay until BF has worked to save for a desposit for their accomodation.

You won't help her by agreeing to this. You'll help her by sending her on her way to be responsible for her own family, as an adult woman of 26. She needs to launch now.

I know it's shocking to some but babies aren't always planned.

Your DD's boyfriend is a lazy cheating arse. I wouldn't have him in my house either. I am afraid that once he is in, it will be tricky to kick him out.

They need to move into their own place. Once the relationship breaks down (and it will), you can have DD and the baby in with you.

If you want to help then help them become independent.

Why did they choose to have a baby if they can't afford to house themselves?

What sort of grown adult chooses to start a family but dumps herself, her boyfriend and her baby back in her parents family home?

Are they going to pay rent? A new born baby and two adults will be a massive increase on your energy bills alone.

They chose to have a family they can house themsleves. I mean, where are they living now and why can't they stay there?

I wouldn't be ok with the boyfriend moving in but would let DD and baby stay. Could you say he can stay over a few nights a week and see how it goes?

"I am hoping he will step up now"

Oh you poor sweet summer child.

My DC are working adults and live with us. Though if they were starting their own family and had their own kids, come on I'd be super happy to have grandkids but I think they'd need their own place

Your daughter needs to move out and into a place with her boyfriend. I can’t believe you’re considering having them live with you! It’s not just that your other daughter couldn’t cope, you’d be doing a big disservice to your elder daughter who needs to grow up and live as an independent adult with her own family.

I think the best way you can help is to insist your dd and incoming family make a home of their own. Any help I gave would be to that end.

If they are grown up enough to have a baby they are grown up enough to live together and independently. I can see why her sister isn’t thrilled

I hope she realises she is worth more that a baby making machine

So neither of them work, op? They can’t afford rent on a one bed flat?

Do DD1 and the boyfriend work? How come they are both still living at home anyway? Agree with other posters that if they are ready to be parents, then they should be independent.
I would not have him move in - how will you ever get them to move on?
Where will your financial subsidising end? Will they cover all the baby costs? Will they cook for themselves?
Better he doesn’t move in so they are incentivised to do what is needed to move in together in their own rented place.
DD2 has indicated that she does not want this and will feel you have prioritised DD1 if he moves in. Fine for DD1 to stay with the baby - but don’t let the boyfriend move in.

Why are they still living with you? I moved out of my parents house at 23 and never looked back. If they are bringing a child into the world its their responsibility to put a roof over its head. Do either if them work? Are they expecting you to pay for or babysit? If its just temporary while they look for a place of their own i would probably agree and dd2 can manage for a short while but the rule will be they must be actively house/flat hunting while there and move out ASAP when they find somewhere.

Absolutely not op

shes 26,a grown women and they are responsible enough to have a child then they need to be responsible enough to spend the next few months looking for and furnishing their own home.

since when did people think it the norm to move a baby and partner into their parents home!!

it baffles me it really does and I can’t understand why you’ve not pointed that out to her!

your not helping her by any stretch if you keep enabling them you do know that don’t you?

and this will be your life forever more?

this is your time now,your children are adults and you’ve spent years parenting them,now it’s time for you to do things for you.

they have no idea yet how having a baby will change their lives but that’s their time to parent and go through it all,you e done it.

being a grandparent is an amazing experience I absolutely love it however I also love my now independence after 28 years of parenting.

Maybe it’s not for you to tell her what to do with her body but it IS for you to tell her that if she’s taken the very adult decision to have a baby then she needs to live like an adult, stop relying on her parents, support herself and tell her bf to step up and support his new family.

Dd1 moves in but boyfriend doesn't. He can stay over 3 nights per week but not more and doesn't move in. Doable at a squeeze is not an option long term.

He must be aware that Dd2 doesn't like him so you need to have a word for him to be low-key and respectful when he is at your place.

By all means help them out but offer a safety net don't make them a hammock.

Absolutely not. DD1 and her boyfriend need to find another solution.

A lazy boyfriend will not step up with a baby 🤣
you will end up default parenting if you have them in your home
They need to live as a family unit
there is no way I would facilitate them living with me
if they’re old enough to have a baby they can figure out loving arrangements

OP, if you make her homeless, the council will find them somewhere. If you don’t, they will still be living at yours when your DD’s DC is 26; Dd2 will have moved out long since, and there will be an almighty row when you die leaving your house between them and DD1 accuses DD2 of throwing her out of her own home. Just don’t do it - it’s one thing for DD1 to return on a temporary basis: it’s quite another to move in her loud, in-your-face BF who sounds a complete no-hoper if he and your DD between them are unable to afford somewhere to live. Have you considered how much it will all be costing you? Do you want DD to carry on leading her irresponsible life while you shoulder the baby-raising load, only for arguments to erupt when your ideas don’t co-incide with hers? It’s an absolute recipe for disaster. By all means do all you can to help DD and BF to set up house on their own - but don’t move them in with you.

Don’t move a grown man in who isn’t even your own son. He will have to make arrangements.
They’ve got it all worked out at your expense.
If you refuse him moving in, you may find that the new family unit finds suitable accommodation.

He can’t move in

i don’t know why you are considering it ?