AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

No he doesn't move in. I wouldn't even be having him to stay over. Both need to get themselves somewhere to live as a family. That's what you do.

As a parent, whilst I wouldn't be telling DD1 what to do, I also wouldn't be encouraging her to pin her star to her lazy BF for at least the next eighteen years. It is your business when you'll be effectively financing their child. It would be different if they were independent.

Pregnant DD should move out and stand on her own feet. She can’t get a job and pay rent like everyone else! She’s going to be 30 in a few years and has chosen to get pregnant, she needs to grow up starting today.

Your eldest daughter still lives at home, and her boyfriend still lives at his family home. Your daughter now finds herself pregnant and wants her boyfriend to move in to your family home. I understand your daughter wanting her boyfriend to help her with the baby, but realistically given how lazy he is, will that happen? Probably not. You'll be the co-parent, not her boyfriend.

I would be saying No with regards to him moving in. The priority should be to find a way to live independently. That won't happen at all, if the boyfriend moves in. Before you know it, 2 years will pass, and your daughter will be pregnant with baby number 2 and they'll all still be living with you.

Of course, you want to help your daughter, that's natural. You can still help her without having the boyfriend move in. Could you help financially? For example a deposit for a rented flat? Help buying baby items? Equally what will his parents be doing to help, or will everything fall to you and your husband?! I suspect his parents have said No, to your daughter and the baby moving in, even though their property is bigger.

Agree with others. They need to have jobs and move out. Otherwise if you want to help your daughter then she and your grandchild stay the boyfriend has to stay wherever he wants not in your house and help financially and spend quality time during the days. No need for him to fully move in especially as your second daughter is not on board.

Absolutely not. Its your DD2s home too and everyone has to be happy with a decision with that much impact. Totally unfair on her.

DD1 made the choice to get pregnant and to stay pregnant, now she needs to stand on her own 2 feet.

It's time for DD to move out. Either the boyfriend steps up, or he doesn't and at least she wises up and dumps him before there's a second child. Let her stay now and you'll end up raising at least two of her kids while he does whatever he likes.

Your 22yo dd is very much against this and you don't sound very keen on him either so I think it's a recipe for disaster. Just be there for your eldest when it inevitably goes wrong because lazy self important twats who impregnate women but have no ability to support them or their child won't change whilst someone else is picking up the slack.

Nope! She announced that she will be moving in with your mum if she doesn't get her own way?! Does your mum get a say?

So the lazy boyfriend moves in, baby arrives, you are kept awake and end up doing more for the baby than lazy dad, you get fed up and ask them to move out because it's too much, your daughter is pissed off and you fall out. Meanwhile your other daughter left when the boyfriend moved in. All sounds like a great way to damage your relationship with both daughters.

Your daughter and her boyfriend have no business starting a family when they cannot afford to live independently.

I can see your predicament and it’s lovely that you’d like to help DD1 but I don’t think it’s fair to move her BF in without consent from everyone who already lives there. DD2 will (rightly) feel pushed out if you allow this to happen. DD2 is also younger and DD1 has presumably been living with you and receiving your support for many more years already so it would feel very unfair. Newborns are also a lot of work and stressful. I don’t see this working at all. Unfortunately DD1 should have thought through the living arrangements before getting pregnant if they are both still with parents. I think they will need to live with his or get their own place together.

Why would you move a man your ND DD hates into her home along with a screaming baby? I can’t imagine anything worse for her. It also sounds like you’ll all be on top of each other - you’re effectively doubling the size of the household. Your DD’s boyfriend is absolutely NOT going to step up. That ship sailed a long time ago. If your DD is old enough to have a baby she’s old enough to set up her own home. Help them with rent nearby for 3 months by all means, but doing foist a whole new family onto your DD (or you). The idea of the lovliness of a baby to care for is not the reality of teething, sleepless nights, laundry everywhere, 3 extra mouths to feed - etc. etc.

I would not agree to him moving in, unless they are both working and have firm plans about saving for a house deposit for example. I would also be less than happy with your younger DD's attempt to emotionally blackmail you - would your mother want her to stay and would it be beneficial for both?

I wouldn’t do this as 2 nights are likely to become 3, then 4. Slowly he’s likely to move in. I bet his parents will be glad to see him gone.
Op says the couple have been together for at least 6 years, And he’s previously cheated on her and he’s lazy.

Having this baby will not magically change him into a man that is not lazy and annoying.
I would bet my house that you will be parenting this baby.

No I wouldn’t let them move in. Your daughter’s relationship with each other will suffer. Your relationship with DD2 will also suffer as you let them move in and thus causing her to move out. You’ll be expected to babysit while your daughter and boyfriend take advantage of the hotel of mum and dad. Your relationship with your husband may also suffer. What does your husband say? You can help your DD1 and her boyfriend by not letting them move in with you but help in other ways; financially, emotionally or practically. At their age they need to stand on their own 2 feet and if they can’t do that they shouldn’t be bringing a baby into their relationship. It’s time your 26 year old daughter started being an adult.

I can't believe you're even considering this bollocks.

Your DD is an adult - she can move out and stand on her own two feet and raise her baby in her own house.

Oh god no, they need their own place. I was once your dd and I had my own dd and then dp living with my Mum and it actually just caused so much resentment all round and stopped me realising how truly awful dp was for much longer than it should have done because I had the support cushion of living at home. Off they pop.

They've been together six years don't have a place of their own and are now having a baby? If she lives with you where does he live? At his parent's house? Do they both work? It all sounds bizarre.

This 100%. They are going to raise a child and they need to start acting and living as grownups. Just make sure you are doing this for the right reasons, as in offering assistance for a short period of time rather than delaying the evitable "empty nest".

Help them get a place, pay the deposit but as parents they need to start living independently. Be careful you don't become an enabler.

You are right that you can't tell another woman what to do with her body. However as her Mother you shouldn't be facilitating careless behaviour and foolish decisions. It is for your daughter and her boyfriend to deal with this situation not you. I assume they both work so they need to find a home. If they don't work then they both need to find jobs and a home. If they're not prepared to then they are neither fit or ready to be parents.

Absolutely not.
If he wants to live with his partner and baby then he'll need to find a place for them won't he?
If they all move in with you they'll never leave.

Don’t move this man in! He sounds horrible tbh - lazy, loud and in your face, and cheated on your dd. Sounds like he’ll be a very dominating presence if he moves in, and also drive you man by not pulling his weight with the baby.

Also would mean dd would end up more “stuck with” him when it inevitably goes wrong.

I would probably encourage dd not to move in with him outside your home either for the time being.

She's already 26.She will likely be 27 when the baby is born and less than three years off 30.

She just expects to live, rent free indefinitely in her mother's house? What sort of sort of value system is that for a grown adult.

It might work out well for the younger daughter, if she goes to live with her grandmother then, i'm sure she will appreciate the company. May be the youngest will feel calmer in a house with only two people in it.

Don't move a lazy man into your home.