AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

Expectations are just so depressingly low all round in this story.

Op you sound so passive and accepting of your dds still being dependent on you. 26 is really old to still be dependent on living at home.

Is there a timeline for dd2 to live independently at least? That is her best way out of this situation. Dd1 and her boyfriend sound like lost causes.

Does anyone in this story have a job...?

I thought this was going to be about a 16 year old pregnant girl. Why at 26 and in a long term relationship is your DD wanting to move her family in with you?

No way would they be living together for the first time, with a new baby, and a sister who doesn’t get on with them, under my roof. It will be very stressful for all of you and a bit unfair on your other DD and her grandma. She can either go to his parent’s house or ideally they can find a place together because they need to stand on their own two feet if they’re going to have a baby

Are they both currently working?

This won’t end well, OP, if you allow the boyfriend to move in. You will regret it.

If you allow your Dd1 and boyfriend to live with you she will never get rid of the lazy boyfriend because you will be propping them up.
He will not be bothered to change because he has free accommodation and others to help with the baby
I would rather help them with a deposit for a small rental and let them get on with it .

You want to help her? You were already helping her. She's 26 and still living at home. But now she's stepping it up a gear. She's pregnant. And wants to move her lazy, cheating boyfriend in.

You'd be utterly bonkers to agree to this.

They need to getting their own place as a family.

No, not fair on your younger DD. Making her live with a strange man she doesn’t like is unfair in general, but it’s worse for someone with ASD and ADHD.

Need to stand on their own two feet at that age.

I also have a similar story of resentment where a friend’s mum allowed her dd, partner and child to move in and my friend ended up moving out before he was financially ready and it really was the beginning of the end for their whole family dynamic.

Jesus what a mess. They are all adults op. Time to cut the apron strings

If there's more space at BF's home they should move in there.
Then, IF it all goes wrong she has a safe space with you to come back to immediately.

I think you should be encouraging them to get their own place
Why on earth is she still living at home at 26
However I would be telling the 22 year old that it my house and I would not be emotionally blackmailed by her

Nope. She should've been responsible, harsh I know but that's the truth. She needs to get herself on a council waiting list or, even better, boyfriend start earning enough to rent somewhere so they can move together there rather than the fella move into yours.
At the age of 26, she should have a good head on her shoulders by now.

Your dd and her baby stays with you until her boyfriend finds a house for them to move into. Boyfriend stays wherever he is currently.

Do NOT do this Op. I have so many reasons why not but I will just leave you with the story of when my own family did this and it nearly broke us permanently.

DB1 and his wife got pregnant and realised their flat was too small for them and two children and asked to move into my parents large 4 bed detached house. DB2 was away at university and I was planning to move out with my now DH anyway.

Granted it was over covid but it caused so many arguments and so much resentment. My dad actually developed depression because he felt like he couldn’t do what he wanted in his own house, the kids crap took over and the house was a mess, SIL kept trying to take charge of things and also got annoyed at my parents if they told off her children. DB2 was home from university trying to write a dissertation and also became very depressed as he couldn’t get any space.

It really did almost break us as a family - DB1 felt caught in the middle of my parents and his wife, DB2 felt deprioritised and sidelined, my mum just wanted everyone to get along and everyone was bitching about me to it separately. It was so bad my parents ended up giving them money just to get them out sooner.

Dd2 is trying to control everyone, im not judging, its your house. She can move out and be ok. But, isnt it better if they all get more independent and have their own places.

The most I would agree to is newborn and DD can move in for a short while but BF cannot. If they want to live as a family they can find their own place.

So she's been deliberately trying
to get pregnant . That puts a different slant on it. They should definitely have been finding somewhere to live while they were trying. No one should start family life completely reliant on their mum. As others have said, she's 26! Equally your other daughter shouldn't be dictating who lives in your house. It's unfortunate that she has problems but encouraging her to stand on her own 2 feet would be the kind way to go.
In all honesty, it sounds as if you just want to keep them both in a state of dependence.

So then you deal with the consequences of having sex and either not being careful enough or knowing that there’s a small chance contraception will fail … you don’t expect your parents to house you and your baby and your lazy bf.

@DannyOD Why is a 26 yo woman with a presumably same aged boyfriend not able to move out? Do neither of them work?

if she’s not able to live independently, how can she care for a baby?

Also I have told both my kids not to have babies they can't support or house. Why not? Your body your rules does not apply if I have to house the babies.

Disaster waiting to happen
Op, they really need to find their own place

My children- and any babies- will always have a home with me, but no partners ever.