AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

She wants to move her BF in and live with us

This doesn't need any thought, just laugh and say it's nice to want things. She can move whomever she likes into her own property, but no, of course you won't be housing an adult man.

This has got disaster written all over it. Does your DD1 work? Does her boyfriend? Why aren't they renting a flat together and behaving like grown-ups? Apparently adult enough to have a baby but not to live independently? If they really can't afford it, then they can move in with his parents who you say have more space.

Why can't they live with his parents if the house is bigger

It's all been said really. If you go ahead, everyone in the house will end up hating each other. Too many people in the house, everything revolving around the baby and the mother's needs, and lazy loud boyfriend driving you all insane.

It would be madness, and every single family relationship will be damaged for the long term.

Do the couple actually have jobs? And why is it not possible for DD1 to move out?

The dynamics of adult children living with parents is complex,particularly if partner and children are involved.
I understand you wanting to help your pregnant Dd1.
What do you think is the best option from the ones in OP?
If it were me, the partners parent with more space may be a better option whilst they find a home of their own rather than disrupting ND Dd2 ?

Why must they live with you, and for what timeframe? What house rules will you have and be able to enforce for them both? Will they pay board? Bills? The costs for the child?

Without the answers and commitment to these, it honestly sounds as if they’re basically playing happy families with none of the responsibility… his parents are probably a better option as they’re are more likely able to make him ‘step up’ than you and you’ll still be on hand to support.

Your dd22 also probably needs some support and a nudge towards independence.

What a shit show this has the potential to be. I assume it’s just you and your two daughters living at home currently? If I were your other daughter I would also be trying to leave, as it’s obvious once they are all living as a family including the boyfriend, everything will evolve around them.

I know we need to get much more used to extended family living together now housing is so expensive, but other cultures tend to be more geared towards making this successful. You already sound like a total walk over and they aren’t married. You don’t particularly like the father and I’m sure you’ll be judging him under your roof. It’s vitally important your daughter doesn’t rely on you for childcare and carry on as though she has no responsibilities as that will affect her bond with the child.

Absolutely not, the boyfriend sounds like a dick tbh.

They all need to move out 🤷‍♀️

No chance I would do this. It has disaster written all over it.

They are old enough for a baby then they are old enough to move out. This is just awful for your other DD feeling like she can’t stay in her own home.

She is not a teenager. I wouldn’t want him moving in either. Let her rent.

You aren't. You're telling her to take responsibility, along with the boyfriend, for their future life. She's expecting YOU to do it for her otherwise. It is totally irresponsible of her to get pregnant under her current circumstances and expect YOU to change your life, and that of her sister, because she won't do that. Any fear that she might never get pregnant again doesn't change that.

I think I’d have to say boyfriend can’t move in. It’s a difficult one. But you’d all be miserable if he did.

So do they both work? or will the state be paying everything for them

These 2 aren't mature enough to be having a baby! She's 26, she should have her own place especially if they've clearly actively been trying for a baby. If this guy is a lazy layabout he won't change and your daughter will most likely end up a single mother.

Thry should move into his place If need be especially if its bigger- under no circumstances would he be welcome at mu home- you don't like him and neither does your other daughter!

Time for them both to grow up!

Your 26 year old daughter needs to move out and grow the hell up.

If she’s going to keep the baby she needs to act like the adult that she is.

I can’t believe you are even considering it!

Another no from me. My elder DS did this, my younger sister and I were continually nagged at as tensions in the house became intolerable. We were 13 & 14, house was chaos, Mum was angry practically 24/7 with mess everywhere. DS and her partner split, Mum packed my DS's stuff up and told her to leave (baby was maybe 8 months). Council housed her in a one bed flat in a dreadful area.

Support your DD1 and allow her to stay if you feel you must, but no to the partner. He gets saving, gets a flat, they both move out. Give them a deadline - OP - this is in their best interest - you are being naive if you think you are helping them by allowing both in.

Step up how? He hasn’t made plans to find a home for your DD and baby, he’s just thinking he’ll move in with you. That isn’t stepping up.

Longshot, but is there any way you could create a garden room for them so they can live a bit more separately from the rest of you?

Why can't the 26 year old move out? Could you perhaps help her financially so that she can? I'd be very careful not to burn bridges with either child, particularly as it sounds likely that at some point DD1 will become a single mum given his lazy and unfaithful ways.

Can’t wait until the ‘My daughter’s baby dad hasn’t remotely stepped up since the birth. AIBU to tell him to pack up and leave?’

Nope, they need to house themselves. If they can have a baby, they can figure it out.

The ONLY way he is ever likely to step up is by moving out to live with his partner and child. or he can live with his parents.

I wouldn't be letting him move in, especially as your other daughter is against it.

Two 26 year olds that are expecting a baby should be looking into moving into their own place not moving in with parents. I’m not surprised your other daughter is concerned about living with a man she doesn’t like and a baby.

He won't step up though, I bet. And who will be taking the strain of looking after the stuff he doesn't do? Go figure!

They need to get their own place if they want to become a family. Of course you will be able to play a very active hands on role as a dgm, but the young couple need to be in charge and if they are living with you they will struggle to grow up I think.

The problems will arise when you see he doesn’t step up and you do. Then resentment sets in from all sides. Will you then have the strength to kick the 3 of them out? Having another adult, that you don’t particularly like, living with you is different to having a DD and her baby there. If his parents have more space why aren’t they going there?

Completely agree - she will (quite rightly) be viewed by DD2 as choosing DD1 over her.