AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

Absolutely this, she needs to get accommodation first

Children should be planned ideally. Yes we all know it doesnt always work like that but what a mess to bring a child into a situation where essentially it has no home.

This. It sounds harsh when said like that, but the BF isn't going to shoulder any responsibility if you're there to do it for him, and DD1 will go along with it because it's easier to make your and DD2's lives more uncomfortable than her own. You'll tell yourself you're just helping while the baby is small, she's tired etc, but you'll end up the child's primary carer, with 3 adult children. It's not fair on DD2 to be pushed out of her own home because her sister wants to move in an insensitive oaf she can't stand.
You don't have to refuse to help your daughter, but don't let the boyfriend move in. They are being selfish.

What does your husband want? Does he get a vote? You've only referenced what you want but a newborn in the house will have a huge effect on everyone

The problem is that three nights a week will eventually turn into five night a week before you know it he is living there full time

They need to find their own place. As another poster said, OP’s dd is 26 not 16.

She's adult enough to have a baby, she's adult enough to stand on own two feet and get a place with her BF

You can support by helping them look, buying a pram or a cot, encouraging them to be responsible parents and make a go of things.

Moving the BF in doesn't help anyone.

Jeez, don’t do it, @DannyOD bloody awful idea. He sounds like a total loser and why at their age are they both still living at home?! I know the south east is expensive if that’s where you are, but surely (please god!) they’re both employed? So can just rent something?

OP, if he moves in it will be less than 6 months before it feels like you are living in their house.

For some mothers that is theit ultimate goal for their daughters, the world is gping backwards

As someone who moved in with her inlaws whilst we had a newborn, in order to help save money for a year...

It was a huge support in the early months and I don't know how I would have coped (pnd) without my mil, but it soon became difficult due to lack of space. My ex is also very lazy and this only got worse when we moved into his parents home, he did even less than he did in our own home and did next to nothing for his child. When we moved out a year later it wasnt long before we split as it really hit home I was basically as single mum to a baby and grown man.

Honestly, I would perhaps say he is welcome to stay over for x number of nights, but as he is living with his own parents already I can't see why he couldn't continue to do that until they can afford to live together. It's not ideal but if you let him move in, are they going to have any incentive to want to move out?
I'd reiterate she is more then welcome to continue to live with you and baby, but you have your other daughter to consider and draw the line at the bf.
If your other daughter was okay with him moving in, and you liked him well then it would be a different story perhaps.

Why isn't the 26 year old able to move out? Does she not work? No savings for deposit to rent? ND or disability that means she can't live independantly?

If yes to the first two, she needs to get something sorted asap. Does the boyfriend work? They need to get something together money-wise for a deposit and look to see what additional support they are entitled to. If no savings then are you in a position to help? Babies do come with additional financial responsibility so if income is the issue they need to look at their options.

If cannot live independently then is this baby the right thing? I'd be speaking to SS/support agencies/charities for advice and support

This isn't the 1950's! Why should she legally tie herself to a man just because they are having a baby?

The people who own the house are the ones who get to choose. Pregnant DD doesn't get a choice. She can ask. Other adult daughter doesn't get a choice. She can ask.

That is such a basic it shouldn't need saying. My house. My rules.

Ive had friends living at home when they had their first baby and it was a disaster for all involved. But I understand needs must sometimes.

I also have a son with autism and he would be my priority in this situation over DD1s boyfriend. I would never move someone into his home that he wasn't comfortable with. Everyone has the right to feel safe and happy in their own home. Unfortunately a baby is a different matter and I would explain to him that the baby is family and we have to support him/her. In time she will get used to it.

I would tell DD that she and the baby are welcome to stay until they can find a place but her boyfriend unfortunately cant move in. She wont be happy but its a fair compromise.

@DannyOD this. And from experience this will definitely not work. Having a baby in the house may well be lovely (or not) but all the dynamics otherwise will break down very quickly.
Your DD1 is a grown adult and should not be having a baby she can't provide for. And from what you've said there's a fair chance her relationship won't survive the pressures of new parenthood.

She’s 26, not 16! If she’s old enough and sensible enough to have a baby she’s old enough to be making her own way in the world surely. If they can’t afford housing how are they going to afford a baby. Madness, and very unfair to DD2.

I don’t think your younger daughter should have to live with a man she does not feel comfortable around.

And you know you will end up parenting not the baby, but him too…

answer 1 No don't do this
answer 2 Hell no don't do this
answer 3 fuck no don't do this
answer 4 see above

Yes flats come cheap don't they and all the bills? 🤔😂

What does he think of dd2 it works both ways. DD2 dosent get to dictate her sisters boyfriends

I am being facetious. Hence the smiley. Don't take it so seriously.
I do believe in education and independence before having babies, though.

Not fair to DD2 to live with someone she dislikes. They can either live with his family or look at renting a flat.

I understand that it’s difficult as you want to support both your DD’s. It would be difficult to move a boyfriend in and then a baby even if you all got on great. In your circumstances it will be very stressful- mostly for you trying to keep the peace.
if you want to help your oldest dd can you offer help with a deposit and they can rent a house?

Dead right. OP will be shattered, embittered, and far more exploited than she is now. Maybe she’s just dreaming of a tiny baby to the exclusion of everything else, I guess.
She’ll rue the day she welcomed this feckless little family’s demand for board and lodging within her own home, if she doesn’t wake herself up.

He sounds a dick so I'd say no based on that even without adding in the fact that it would be unfair on dd2.

shes 26! They need to step up and move out or terminate if they can't manage.

Yeah life in Asia was a utopia for women and girls. Marriage made life so easy.
I know someone who did this, before long a second baby arrived. Then he decided it wasn't for him, afterall. The Mother's life went, time and money and her relationship with her other children never recovered. Support your DD, he can stay over, but if he isn't getting up with the baby, or staying up while she sleeps and can't live by your DD2s boundaries, he just visits.