AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

Agree. There's some advice on this thread that would be terrible for your relationships. "Yes darling, grandma said I should abort you."

What is their plan if you were to refuse to house them?

Older daughter is unreasonable to get pregnant with no plan for how her and the father are going to live and raise the child beyond 'my parents house'.
Younger daughter is unreasonable to believe she should be in charge of living arrangements when she's also an adult who's still adult living off her parents.
Both are grown women who ought to be at least starting out on living independently.

"Hope is not a plan"
Absolutely this....and you know the other one "Fail to plan; Plan to fail"

She is 26, I expect that he is about the same age. Sounds as though both of them live with their respective parents so have had both the time and opportunity to save.

As others have said if you decide you have the wherewithal to have a baby then you could just as well have sorted out a place to live.

Don’t let him move in OP. They will never leave and will pop out another one sure as fertile eggs is eggs. It also sounds as though the other one has got her eye on muscling in on her grandmothers house.

What a pair!

Bank of mummy?

The OP takes rent off them each week, takes what she needs to cover extra bills/food and the puts the rest aside for them.

It doesn't cost the OP a penny and is an effective method of helping save.

The daughter then gets used to having to hand over money and not spend it.

In the past, when a friend got pregnant when still living with her mum, she became priority for housing-is this not the case now? Or is it really a stark choice between you/his parents? Because in most cases, it's better for adults to live independently. I know with the economic climate, a lot of over 18s still with their parents, but it seems very hard on you having 3 adults and a baby there.
Unless of course you all want that, say if you're going to be babysitting while they work, but that's your choice. It's what you are happy with that counts.

It's OP being bank of mummy.

It's not teaching them anything other than mummy will support them for nothing.

They're both adults, if OP hasn't succeeded in teaching money management to her dd by 26, she's not going to.

Incredibly unfair to DD2 with AuDHD who will very likely not cope with a screaming baby in the house. You should prioritise DD2 given her condition plus being younger, and tell DD1 she and baby cannot live with you. DEFINITELY no to the BF moving in. You've already said there's more room at his parents, so if they cannot get their own place they need to go there.

Forcing DD2 out of her own home for DD1's bf and baby could ruin DD2 relationship with you and make her really resent her sister.

Oh for gods sake!!!!

'Social care' arent there to counsel and take on the entitled, lazy, feckless of the country who are hanging onto their parents coat tails at nearly 30.

They're there to pick up safeguarding matters if a child is at risk.

@BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw
if you can’t comprehend why you shouldn’t tell someone they ought to abort a baby that’s on you dear

I got the impression OP is the dad?

In any case just going back to the comment that she was told she couldnt have children and therefore it seems to be a reason to have an unplanned child, erm not. Theres no rule you MUST have a child just because you were once told you cant. If she is not too late for a termination it is an option because she is not set up to bring a child into the world.

And if she had been planning to try for a baby as other posters have said, well has she been planning for the deposit to rent a place of her own? Where is that planning?

Its teaching them that they have the means to save whilst giving them a 6 month trial living together along with a get out clause if the daughter then realises he is a work shy git.

The problem with having the dd and baby to live with her but not the bf is that then the bf will never get the chance to try and step up, get to know and care for his baby and that key bonding window for dad and baby will be lost.

Support means different things at different life stages. At this stage, I would say it means helping them to establish themselves independently as a household and family unit.

If the dd really can't be independent, does social care need to be involved?

They cant afford to get married yet she thought getting pregnant was a great idea?

If op "loses" dd2 - to go to live an independent life - then that's the best thing that could happen to dd2.

I think maybe a parent's most important job is to help your child become independent. It's what "raising" a child means, it's in my view the whole point of teaching them to walk, talk, read, learn etc...it's helping them on the road to independence.

So I hope for dd2's sake that op does "lose" her.

He clearly can’t move in. It would be a disaster and would defo look to DD2 that you favour her sister over her. Up to you if you agree to DD1 staying with a baby, but it’s a rod for your own back going forward. They live with his parents, find somewhere else together or continue to live separately, seem to be the options. If she’s defo having the baby, it is indeed her decision, but also her (and his) responsibility to deal with.

I think OP wants to look after this baby (for whatever reasons of her own) and that will trump everything.

"tie yourself" - I mean it's part of being family. I'm married with kids. The ber minimum cost to get married is £127. In the grand scheme of raising a baby it's absolutely nothing.

100% this. Letting them live with you will be an absolute road to disaster. You know this.

This way you can support your daughter and the baby without having the questionable boyfriend living with you. If your daughter can’t accept this generous offer then she must find another option.

Stay strong.

Op has a husband who presumably also owns the house and should have a say.

Also to add that regardless of lawful ownership, a good parent will also consider the feelings of other children (albeit a young adult in this case) living in the home in addition to their own views.

So she supports them financially for 6 months and gives them a deposit for a home? How is that independence?

I o p is clearly delighted with the setup that her daughter is having a baby and will do so under her roof she will allow the boyfriend to move in.Her younger daughter will move to her grandmothers and probably have a much calmer life.

Don't know why she posted to be honest.She just makes excuses for the elder daughter.

If they were both ten years younger, I’d understand, and sympathise.
But 26 is not young by any measure, yet both of them, still living like teenagers, think bringing a child into their situation is a good idea, and all supported by OP, to boot.
I think we need far fewer feckless and entitled parents such as these.

What's the issue with them getting their own place?

Do they both have jobs? Have they managed to save anything given they're both living at home?

I think perhaps focus on helping them be independent.

Perhaps agree to a 6 month plan. Your DD2 lives with her gran and you let them move in but only if both are working and then charge them rent each month which you put aside as a rental deposit.