AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

Not particularly to be honest. He has some good points but I do find him irritating and lazy. I am hoping he will step up now. I do however love my Dd1 and want to help her
The chances are that not only he won't step up but that is laziness will become even more apparent.

This is exactly when you shouldn't have them living with you.
1- they've chosen to be parents, that comes with responsibilities, and being self independent and reliant is one of them.
2- he will drive you mad, you'll feel like you need to say something, because it's your house. Hell resent you, she'll resent you, and/or it will add difficulties to their relationship.
3- you'll take her side on any conflict, you'll find yourself in the mix of their conflict, you'll take on all the stress.

That's even before considering your youngest needs.

TBH, it sounds like you want them to move in because you want to have constant access to your grandchild to be and be a FT grandma. This will inevitably affect all the above points negatively.

Don't do it.

No, there are whole families being put up in hotels and hostels. If the OP and his parents refused to house them, they'd get offered a hostel. Priority is homeless, people in unsuitable housing (needing one floor), depending on the system it is care leavers, prison leavers. They would only be allowed a one bedroom and there's a shortage on one bedroom, general housing. The bedroom tax, local housing allowance and the anount of newly homeless people has made social housing impossible to get.

This is what it boils down to really. It sounds like the pregnant daughter is like a small child playing dress up

Yes agreed but she's already pregnant and sounds like she wants the baby.

The boyfriend sounds feckless. If your DD has this baby she will be tied to him for life and probably face years of difficulties - he's unlikely to be a good father, they will split up, it will be hard.

Being a good parent isn't about doing anything you can to make life easier for your child. It's about helping them fly as independent adults and live their own happy and fulfilling lives. So you should be encouraging the your DD and partner to be moving out from home and setting up a life together. When she realises she has to fund herself, run a home and raise a baby with him, not have her mother waiting on her hand and foot, she might start being more realistic about what she really wants and more able to make a well balanced decision about her future.

So they don't have their shit together enough to have a kid really, do they? No job, can't afford rent. Poor baby. People need to start taking responsibility for poor life choices.

Is this for real?

He is entering another person's home, he should be the respectful, especially when that person is autistic. She absolutely does get to dictate how she is treated.

Oh christ, please don't move in this gobshite. You don't like him, your other daughter doesn't and you probably know he'll be a shit dad. Why would you inflict this on your younger child ffs.

Dd1 and boyf have decided to start a family- let them grow up and find a flat to rent.

This - exactly this

Not sure why people keep asking this on threads ? There is little council housing and private rents are extortionate. My ds who is the same age as op's dd and his gf are paying £1500 a month private rent. Mnay private landlords are selling up .Op's other dd has just graduated and like thousands of graduates may not have a job or be very limited in what they can get. And then people think they should just be moving out of home as if it's that easy ! Whilst I struggle to understand why any young person would get pregnant whilst still living at home ( maybe unplanned ? ) I can't see how moving out is that easy either.

That sounds like actual hell on earth. Why is she having a baby if she has nowhere to live? She’s old enough to know better and it’s a recipe for disaster. .

Does the boyfriend currently live with his parents?
You mention there is more room at his parents' house.
is there any possibility of your daughter moving there?

Agree.
But then I don't think suggesting abortion to your kids is vile and I have suggested it to my DD when she had a scare.
Sorry, I won't go away.
The only practical advice is to give yet more financial support to the DD and her feckless BF.

Do you get on with your daughters in laws?

It sounds like a meeting is needed of both families - look at how far you are prepared to support them and what would be best for everyone.

You can look at the ideal - them moving out at least within a year of the baby being born?

Between you and his paretns could you support them to look at renting/ get a deposit/ensure he has a job etc.

If you helped with first steps could he pay the rent?

I don't think it sounds ideal them being with you that is for sure.

By the way - anyone commenting 'she shouldn't be having a baby' is vile and should go away. When someone needs practical advice, moralising is not helpful

DD2 is also an adult. Not her house so she shouldn't be dictating to her mother. I wonder if DD1 has spent years accommodating DD2s needs. Maybe it's time for DD2 to accept the world doesn't revolve round her.

Clearly op's daughter wants the baby so that's not something op should mention.

Agreed and in many countries its something that will happen as a matter of course rather than the handwringing seen here

Only an idiot would disclose to a child that the conversation went like that prior to their birth anyway, why would tell a child that?

The messes people get themselves into… DD2 sounds like she has the most sense of anyone. The lazy guy who cheated on her isn’t going to be a great dad is he? They can’t afford to have a baby either. I don’t see why any of this is your responsibility, they’re not children anymore. She needs to find her own place.

DD1 can probably move out if she and her boyfriend sort out their finances and find a small place to rent . DD2 is much younger, ND and presumably on her own. I would prioritise her needs.

He's not likely to step up. Don't know many men who would choose to raise a family with the in laws, other than to save for a mortgage deposit etc.
You clearly love your daughter's but I think you're making it too easy for your pregnant daughter... And setting yourself up for misery when you see how lazy he might be as a dad. But hey, maybe it'll all work out nicely and you will be one, big happy family. Except for DD2...

I'd say no, OP. Time to stand on their own feet with support, if needs be.

Why is neither daughter in a position to move out?

If I were in your shoes, I’d be hesitant too.

But I have questions…
Why, at 26, is DD1 living at home with you?
Why, after six years with her BF, are they not living together?
Where does BF live?
Why can’t they get a place together?
Why would you even consider an arrangement that would drive your other daughter away and no doubt cause resentment?

Some relationships maybe
In our family we think abortion is better than having a baby you can't support. We are all agreed on that.

Or she could treat them like the adults they are and expect them to save off their own bat.

If she needs rent off them, that's her money. If she doesn't need rent off them, let them take responsibility for saving.

Taking "rent" to give back to them as a deposit is patronising . If you're going to give them a deposit, just bloody give it and cut out the 6 months pissing about.