AIBU to hesitate about daughter, boyfriend and baby moving in?

Of course you want to help her and the baby but there will be arguments between your daughters and the B/F which will impact on you. That is without having a crying baby 24/7.

You will probarly will end up looking after the baby more than them as they will say they are tired etc.

More people means more mess, being on top of each other in kitchen / bathroom

Would they be cooking, cleaning , washing up after them selfs, doing their own and babies laundry probarly not.

Best if they can they get somewhere together or daughter and baby stays only but on the basis that they make a plan for her and baby move out within xx months once shes got used to handling the baby.

Why cant they live at his parents if they have more room ?

You can still help her when
she vists and there would be less disruption for other daughter.
If he moves in it will be much harder to ask them to leave.

But after all the above congratulations x

You are in a tricky position and I really don’t think you are enabling your children by giving them a safe place to live, housing is really expensive at the moment. However, as much as you love both your DDs, this does not mean that any of you need to live with a man your find irritating and your other DD hates. That sounds likes a horrendous living situation for you all.

As others have said, of course you would take in your DD1 and her baby if they need it, but not her partner. I would sit down with them and talk through their housing options. If you can afford it you could lend or pay the deposit on a flat rental, but after that they need to stand on their own I think. If you have time and energy, + wish to, you could really help them financially by babysitting so your DD1 can get back to work sooner if they are struggling to pay rent, but only to an extent that allows you to be healthy and live the life you want.

🙄 I was taking the piss.

Again, your comment was about him, therefore I replied about him.

You still don't get it. They (plural) should be sorting it out.

I never said she was. I just didn't talk about her responsibility due to your comment being about him. 🙄

How about I answer your comment the way you want me to:

Then we could criticise him for buggering off home and leaving mum to cope with sleepless nights.

Yes, the daughter should sort them out somewhere to live together. 🙄Heaven forfend he be criticised.

Ever heard of can't do right for doing wrong? If they, as a couple, want to be together with the baby they need to sort it. She isn't a Victorian damsel who needs to wait for him to sort anything.

Presumably she does, but that wasn't what I was responding to.

He doesn't somehow become a victim of false criticism if OP doesn't choose to let him move in.

Presumably the DD wants him there, joint responsibility.

Because I was responding to your comment about him potentially being criticised for not doing nights with the baby.

It's not OPs job to provide the means for him not to be criticised.

But you said he needs to find somewhere for them to live. Why shouldn't she find somewhere for them to live if she wants to live with him? Ideally it's a shared responsibility.

Maybe they should reconsider having a baby then? Abortion is always an option.

Nothing from op since for two days.

No but you can tell your daughter what you want in your home i.e. no boyfriend or baby.

To expand, the daughter is already living there.

It's a very different thing to kick out a pregnant dd than it is to move in her boyfriend.

I think it is inevitable that he will consider himself the 'man of the house.' You will find out exactly how he treats your daughter, how he speaks to her day to day. Pregnancy and a new baby put a sizable strain on a relationship and you and your other daughter will have front row seats. This is an absolute train wreck waiting to happen and if you value peace in your house, don't do it.

Daughter is already living there.

Ohh wait lol, I misunderstood. You meant you'd sleep on the floor before you'd let them live in a bedsittingroom..
Yes, so would I.

So the pregnant daughter has no responsibility it's just down to him? I thought we'd moved on since the 50s.

I wouldn't let bf move in. You'll get to involved, they won't act like adults. Lazing around, no job, forget it. My daughter and baby could stay. He could visit. Is she capable? (You said neither sister were capable of getiing their own place )

That isn't the start in life id want for my GC. Good for you that you coped but it isn't ideal. Id sleep on the floor and give them my bedroom before I'd let that happen.

It's not OPs job to sacrifice her home and family dynamics to try to make it easy for a feckless lazy dolt to act like a father.

If he wants to live with his girlfriend and baby, he needs to step up and find somewhere for them to live.

It would be good for everybody if they found themselves a place to live near you. I lived with my infant in a bedsitter with shared bathroom. And I didn’t have a loving mum like yoù are. But it was an ok situation until something larger was available.

Then we could criticise him for buggering off home and leaving mum to cope with sleepless nights.

Presumably they each live their own parent now , why can’t they continue to live separately when the baby is born until they sort housing together ?

@DannyOD If the pregnant daughter isn't living at home why can't she stay where she is?