AIBU - The Baby Bath Incident

I don't think anyone has been unkind to the OP, I think we are just astonished that a grown woman cannot work out a solution to this simple problem and is willing to fuel a family row about it.

Italy has hot and cold running water, drains, kitchen/bathroom sinks etc, just bath the baby.

In your example. the person could drive forty minutes and back in the same day to buy the baby bath?

If I can't find what I'm looking for in the shops in my city, I take the train to London to buy it there. It takes two hours for me to get to London on the train. One way. I can get to London and back in the same day

It doesn't sound like the MIL gave it to her DD, she still thinks she bought it, she owns it and she can say she wants it returned to her house just like I could if one of my kids decided to go home ex with the baby equipment I've bought. I've got eight GC, I don't think I need eight buggies for them to use when they visit. They share.

If SIL asked for it first and is using it, why should you get it?

Just buy your own.

Perhaps sil has broken/given away/sold/lost the baby bath and doesn't want to admit it doesn't exist or isn't usable any longer.

Absolutely nothing wrong with putting a bath in the kitchen sink.

You keep saying how youw want to ease your baby's pain in a bath and there's a kitchen sink that's perfectly viable, it's not that uncommon.

If your dp is worried he can wash it out thoroughly beforehand.

Or try to manage his anxiety for the sake of his baby who's in pain.

That's baby equipment to be used in your house.

The MIL provided baby equipment 'to share'.

Whatever the original intention was, the baby equipment is no longer in her house, so de facto, unavailable to the OP, so the 'sharing' aspect is not workable.

I've got baby equipment in my house. My "baby" is in his 30s so it isn't for him. It's handy to have buggy, travel cot etc as it means the parents don't have to bring large items when spending holidays with us. It's never occurred to me that people might find it odd, just seems practical to me. None of my kids have taken the items with them as they know it is for all GC to use.

I don’t think that is the timeline. The SIL took the baby bath home with her at some point between the birth of her now- 2 year old and the moment the OP asked about it within the last week or two. SiL says she ‘still uses it’. So she has possibly had it for a long time.

Echoing those who say bath the baby in a bucket. My younger son was difficult to bath in the big bath as he wriggled a lot, so I used a horse feed bucket (one of those big tubs with two handles). Much easier and less water!

Let’s examine the timeline:

2024
Op and SIL had babies (both are now 2)
MIL bought baby items for her house for both mums to use when they visited

May/June 2026 (2 years later)
Mil visits op
Op has second baby
Sil visits MILs house whilst she is away and takes baby bath home for her 2 year old to use
op with 8 week old baby visits MIL and asks for baby bath that should be at MIL
SIL refuses to return baby bath to MIL.

Why did SIL suddenly need a baby bath with a 2 year old?

I don't think that's what the PP is saying, more that the concept of buying baby stuff 'to share' is odd when the babies live in different countries.

We used to hold colicky DS 1 at 6/10 weeks this way: support his head and back with your arms and put his legs on your chest and gently bend his top half up and down. So he was facing us and having his stomach area gently crunched in and out. It certainly helped him but it hard on the parent’s arms.

You think MIL should provide a baby bath for each grandchild? Seriously?

You really think the whole world has access to overnight amazon deliveries?

My parents live in a town in Spain. Amazon deliveries have only just become a thing in the last few years and they take, on average, 7-14 days. The items available are a lot fewer than in the UK and always more expensive. The nearest shopping mall with a baby store is 40 minutes drive away.

While I think the OP is dramatic as fuck, I do believe that it is impossible to just buy a baby bath the same day if you're in a small town in the middle of nowhere.

I think this is for mil to sort.
The baby bath belongs to her so probably best just to stay out of it.
Meanwhile you will probably have to accept purchasing a new one, you are there for two weeks and will need to bath your baby.

The OP cannot make SIL produce the bath.

So she needs an alternative solution. Luckily, simple, cheap alternatives are available.

Don’t you have Amazon in Italy?

Because generally no one we know in real life would contact us from their holidays with a string of endless complaint about a non-event involving someone else’s baby bath and a complete inability to grasp that the solution is not to moan about her SIL but to bathe her baby in a different container or a sink.

If they did, I imagine lots of people would say ‘Get a grip, Angela’.

Agree with this.

Is SIL possibly jealous you have a new baby? Either way, she's being ridiculous. A 2 year old doesn't need a baby bath, and it's not SIL baby bath anyway.

Presumably MIL meant they could share it at her house, and didn't see the point having 2 when they weren't ever going to be using it at the same time? And she might not have enough money to buy enough for both to have one each.
With what you're going through, don't see why she shouldn't bring it, OP.

Honestly, if Mumsnet banned the use of pathetic clichés such as 'get a grip', 'you sound like hard work' and 'gently' or 'kindly' followed by an extremely unkind comment, loads of posters would be rendered mute.

I've never heard anyone say those things in real life.

DD is 12 and somehow managed to survive frequent sink baths without being infected or slipping across the kitchen

You could try keeping him a bit more upright. Sometimes reflux from the milk can set them off. Also peddling legs and so on.. also being in the baby sling helps a lot. It's such hard work, you have my sympathy. He can probably feel your tension too. Holidays are fun but they are also hard work too.

Warm baths will not make the blindest bit of difference. Colicky babies, ime, need dummies and lactose free milk.

I think you and dh are clearly sleep deprived and understandably tetchy but honestly let it go and as others have said sinks/washing up bowls are fine. Quick clean before and after.

SIL obviously have issues. Nothing you can do. I'd dettol the kitchen sink and then pop the wee lad in for a small soak. Roll a flannel or a t-shirt to pop under his head to make it more comfortable. I agree I wouldn't have wanted to do that for my baby early on but you've had the courage to go all the way to Italy..

Sibilings! Nothing like a random item to fight over to bring up all the childhood triggers.

I know of quite a few that have fallen out permanently over very petty things. It's sad but she's shown her true colours.

I'd rather have a good relationship with my brother than a baby bath...