AIBU - The Baby Bath Incident

Yes, I realised too late that SIL doesn’t have a baby, and had edited my post while you were writing yours.

Yes - why not use the sink. I always did when visiting grandparents with my baby.

Surely they are go share when they visit her. It makes perfect sense to me

Obviously not an option here

SIL doesn’t have a baby. MIL doesn’t have a bath. She can’t buy a cheap baby bath easily.

Sink is the best option

You can buy baby bucket baths. I think they call them snuggle tubs. Newborns aren’t used to being stretched out in water. The bucket tub reassures and it feels more cocoon like so more like the uterus. Probably better for a colicky baby really.

The cult of the Italian Son is a thing. SiL is probably livid he's turned up and wants her stuff, as he may well be the golden child.

It needs to make sense so far as OP is concerned, as she doesn't have OCD. When you have a baby, an awful lot of mucky things happen which the father with OCD presumably has managed to cope with. OP is entitled to put the baby first.

Presumably the mother in law bought the equipment to keep it in her house so the grandchildren can use it when they visit. Surely that's fair enough. You can't expect her to buy two lots of everything?
I'm a little confused about the baby bath does the sister i law use it for her toddler? Isn't he too big for a baby bath? Why can't he go in the family bath.

SIL is not being helpful but I wonder how she was asked. She probably no longer has it but doesn’t want to say so.

I don’t understand how MIL bought things for you and SIL to "share" when you live in different countries. How could that possibly work? If the items were meant to stay in MIL's house she shouldn’t have let SIL take the bath away in the first place.

I also don’t understand why you don’t use the big bath, or use the kitchen sink, or just buy a cheap baby bath - presumably you expect SIL to do one of those things.

That's the point of using one. The baby is feeling sick, got burning stomach acid coming up and has intense abdominal pain from trapped wind making it want to curl its legs up against the pain. It really doesn't need to be tipped onto its back to 'relax'.

I think your sil is being Abit precious. Just bath baby in the sink

Exactly.

No it isn’t cultural issues

Okay a basin then

Can’t your mind stretch to the possibility that equipment was bought to stay at MILs house for visiting grandchildren? What is weird about that? I imagine lots of DGPs do that. The problem is SIL has commandeered the bath and refuses to bring it back. I suspect, as a PP has said, she no longer had it.

The bath left the MIL's house to go to the SIL's house a long time ago. Whatever terms were thrashed out about it 'ownership' at the time have very little relevance now.

Its a plastic baby bath fgs, not the Crown Jewels

The baby couldnt lie back and relax in a bucket, they'd be vertical.

Agree

Its a plastic container, same as a bath, what's the issue?

My mother, for one. There's a picture of me being bathed in a big bucket as a baby when on holiday with relatives. This is not a big deal.

This thing about MIL buying stuff to share when you live in different countries is obviously total fiction. In effect she has given the baby bath to SIL, and if her child needs it that's fine.

If you really think that having a warm bath is the solution to your child's problems, you will use the kitchen sink. You can scrub it out first, and anyway your child's wellbeing comes ahead of your partner's OCD. However, from experience I fear you will find it isn't the cure you think it is, so you're almost certainly making a massive fuss for no good reason.

But SIL is being perfectly reasonable? Don't think so. The way people on here will twist anything to excuse unreasonable women and blame men.

Get a grip, use a tub and support him with your arm. Your mother in law was an idiot to buy things to share, how the hell was that ever going to work.
Don't fall out over a baby bath FFS.

Sounds like this is not really about the bath.

Sounds like you are annoyed that SIL gets everything including time from your MIL and SIL is probably annoyed about all the fanfare for you and DH arriving with your prodigal two grandchildren.

It takes a bit more effort for geographically distant families to keep good relationships. If this is genuinely just about a bath I would just forget it. If as it's likely it is about more than that I would keep your eyes on the prize, the prize being DH's and your kids' relationships with their wider family, and sort it out.

SiL is Italian? You are up against cultural issues here. Just send DH out to buy a plastic bucket or basin in a suitable size.
Or get MiL to ask round? Im sure the neighbours or her friends will have a baby bath lurking somewhere.

Who baths a baby in a bucket?