Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - The Baby Bath Incident

355 replies

ExhaustedRaccoon · 08/08/2026 09:30

SIL and I both have toddlers of a similar age ( only 3 months age difference) and I also have an 8 week old.

When the grandchildren were born, MIL bought lots of lovely baby things for us to share ( MIL lives abroad close to SIL and we are in the UK).

DP and I are currently on holiday and staying with MIL and DC. DS 2 ( the youngest ) has had severe colic and reflux and during the wee small hours of searching the internet, I read a nice warm bath before bed can sometimes relax the baby. At this point, I am willing to try anything. MIL only has a shower and a sit on things for the baby borrowed from SIL.

I remembered about the lovely bath with a pillow MIL purchased and asked where it was. She said SIL had borrowed it. MIL messaged SIL to ask if she could bring it back please. SIL said no, she still uses it. MIL explained our colic situation and how we are all incredibly sleep deprived and also how she is the one who bought the baby bath and she still refused to bring it back ( we are only here for two weeks so she would get it back!) she suggested we buy our own.

SIL has just moved house and has a lovely big bath in her second bathroom she could use for DN.

DP got a bit annoyed and messaged SIL saying he will come to pick it up himself and they ended up having an argument about it.

AIBU to think SIL is being incredibly unreasonable and childish about a bloody baby bath? Children’s things are not cheap here and we will only be using it for two weeks to try an ease a bit of pain for our DS2 which she clearly doesn’t care about!

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/08/2026 10:53

Seagulldancing · 08/08/2026 10:47

SiL is Italian? You are up against cultural issues here. Just send DH out to buy a plastic bucket or basin in a suitable size.
Or get MiL to ask round? Im sure the neighbours or her friends will have a baby bath lurking somewhere.

No it isn’t cultural issues

TheKeatingFive · 08/08/2026 10:52

TheignT · 08/08/2026 10:50

The baby couldnt lie back and relax in a bucket, they'd be vertical.

Okay a basin then

Campervanadventures · 08/08/2026 10:52

Owly11 · 08/08/2026 10:26

Well the minute you said that your mil bought things to share, I thought what a bloody stupid idea, is she deliberately trying to stir up trouble. I am sorry but you can't insist that sil gives you the baby bath. It's fucking ridiculous and entitled of you and your dp's behaviour is absolutely awful and embarrassing.

Can’t your mind stretch to the possibility that equipment was bought to stay at MILs house for visiting grandchildren? What is weird about that? I imagine lots of DGPs do that. The problem is SIL has commandeered the bath and refuses to bring it back. I suspect, as a PP has said, she no longer had it.

TheKeatingFive · 08/08/2026 10:52

TheignT · 08/08/2026 10:46

Because it doesn't belong to her and she doesn't need it. The person who owns it has asked her to return it. I think people are right, she's sold it.

The bath left the MIL's house to go to the SIL's house a long time ago. Whatever terms were thrashed out about it 'ownership' at the time have very little relevance now.

Its a plastic baby bath fgs, not the Crown Jewels

TheignT · 08/08/2026 10:50

TheKeatingFive · 08/08/2026 10:49

Its a plastic container, same as a bath, what's the issue?

My mother, for one. There's a picture of me being bathed in a big bucket as a baby when on holiday with relatives. This is not a big deal.

The baby couldnt lie back and relax in a bucket, they'd be vertical.

CallUpMyMamaSaidImInLoveWithTheStripperYo · 08/08/2026 10:50

Poppingby · 08/08/2026 10:48

Sounds like this is not really about the bath.

Sounds like you are annoyed that SIL gets everything including time from your MIL and SIL is probably annoyed about all the fanfare for you and DH arriving with your prodigal two grandchildren.

It takes a bit more effort for geographically distant families to keep good relationships. If this is genuinely just about a bath I would just forget it. If as it's likely it is about more than that I would keep your eyes on the prize, the prize being DH's and your kids' relationships with their wider family, and sort it out.

Agree

TheKeatingFive · 08/08/2026 10:49

TheignT · 08/08/2026 10:47

Who baths a baby in a bucket?

Its a plastic container, same as a bath, what's the issue?

My mother, for one. There's a picture of me being bathed in a big bucket as a baby when on holiday with relatives. This is not a big deal.

Sereine · 08/08/2026 10:49

This thing about MIL buying stuff to share when you live in different countries is obviously total fiction. In effect she has given the baby bath to SIL, and if her child needs it that's fine.

If you really think that having a warm bath is the solution to your child's problems, you will use the kitchen sink. You can scrub it out first, and anyway your child's wellbeing comes ahead of your partner's OCD. However, from experience I fear you will find it isn't the cure you think it is, so you're almost certainly making a massive fuss for no good reason.

TheignT · 08/08/2026 10:49

WineAndBridgerton3322 · 08/08/2026 10:46

Your DH is an unreaspnable arse here. Making a mountain out of a molehill. Give the kitchen sink a good clean and put the baby in it.

But SIL is being perfectly reasonable? Don't think so. The way people on here will twist anything to excuse unreasonable women and blame men.

Bristolandlazy · 08/08/2026 10:48

Get a grip, use a tub and support him with your arm. Your mother in law was an idiot to buy things to share, how the hell was that ever going to work.
Don't fall out over a baby bath FFS.

Poppingby · 08/08/2026 10:48

Sounds like this is not really about the bath.

Sounds like you are annoyed that SIL gets everything including time from your MIL and SIL is probably annoyed about all the fanfare for you and DH arriving with your prodigal two grandchildren.

It takes a bit more effort for geographically distant families to keep good relationships. If this is genuinely just about a bath I would just forget it. If as it's likely it is about more than that I would keep your eyes on the prize, the prize being DH's and your kids' relationships with their wider family, and sort it out.

Seagulldancing · 08/08/2026 10:47

SiL is Italian? You are up against cultural issues here. Just send DH out to buy a plastic bucket or basin in a suitable size.
Or get MiL to ask round? Im sure the neighbours or her friends will have a baby bath lurking somewhere.

TheignT · 08/08/2026 10:47

TheKeatingFive · 08/08/2026 10:45

Exactly

Who baths a baby in a bucket?

WineAndBridgerton3322 · 08/08/2026 10:46

Your DH is an unreaspnable arse here. Making a mountain out of a molehill. Give the kitchen sink a good clean and put the baby in it.

TheignT · 08/08/2026 10:46

TheKeatingFive · 08/08/2026 10:44

But the OP never thought about the bath until a couple of days ago. Why is it the SIL's issue to deal with this when there are multiple easy/cheap solutions open to the OP?

Because it doesn't belong to her and she doesn't need it. The person who owns it has asked her to return it. I think people are right, she's sold it.

TheKeatingFive · 08/08/2026 10:45

FakeUserName24 · 08/08/2026 10:43

Or a bucket, I’m pretty sure you can buy a bucket or a very large bowl in an Italian village.

Exactly

TheKeatingFive · 08/08/2026 10:44

AutumnLover1990 · 08/08/2026 10:42

I must be from another planet then. Your SIL is being awful for not helping you out and loaning you the bath. You're only there for 2 weeks! Why on earth should OP buy one?

Edited

But the OP never thought about the bath until a couple of days ago. Why is it the SIL's issue to deal with this when there are multiple easy/cheap solutions open to the OP?

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 08/08/2026 10:44

My parents only had showers when they lived in France so we used the kitchen sink to bath our youngest and it was fine. You don't need a baby bath. Where are you that a baby bath will break the bank?
Is it really worth falling out over?

patooties · 08/08/2026 10:43

ExhaustedRaccoon · 08/08/2026 10:35

SIL made a whole list ( when you have a baby here, it’s similar to a wedding. You go to a store and select something off the list the parents have made for the baby as a gift). SIL had plenty of lovely things bought for her child but decided to take some of the items here because they were better in her eyes. But did not feel it necessary to replace with the items she has.

she also states DN has showers at night because she does not like having a bath and “ all of her friends children never bath”.

You don’t like your SIL very much do you?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/08/2026 10:43

Theunamedcat · 08/08/2026 10:38

Does he have OCD? it doesn't need to "make sense" if you have OCD

And the partner doesn’t need to wash the baby, OP can do it. Let’s be honest, after arguing with his sister about this he’s pissed off and wants the baby bath on principle. But they can’t make that happen and they don’t want to buy a new one so OP can wash the tiny baby in the sink like millions of other people do, safe in the knowledge it is easily just as clean as the baby bath.

FakeUserName24 · 08/08/2026 10:43

Or a bucket, I’m pretty sure you can buy a bucket or a very large bowl in an Italian village.

AutumnLover1990 · 08/08/2026 10:42

I must be from another planet then. Your SIL is being awful for not helping you out and loaning you the bath. You're only there for 2 weeks! Why on earth should OP buy one?

Terfarina · 08/08/2026 10:42

SIL is entirely unreasonable- no one bathes a two year old in a baby bath and she should’ve returned this and any other newborn stuff to MIL’s house before you arrived.

i agree she’s probably sold it.

CalamityLane · 08/08/2026 10:41

If it was a fancy baby bath and her child doesn't use it I bet she flogged it or gave to a friend....

TheignT · 08/08/2026 10:41

Littlebobbin15 · 08/08/2026 09:35

Sorry but I think all parties are a bit unreasonable here, MIL for ‘buying things to share’, this is proving it’s difficult for this to work in practice,

SIL for being a bit peevish about it, and I understand it will be tough through colic and sleep deprivation, but you are a little too for expecting SIL to hand over some equipment that she uses, probably part of her routine.

SIL doesn't need a baby bath for a toddler, she's the unreasonable one. How horrible to criticise the GM for doing something nice.