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Original poster

AIBU - The Baby Bath Incident

355 replies

ExhaustedRaccoon · 08/08/2026 09:30

SIL and I both have toddlers of a similar age ( only 3 months age difference) and I also have an 8 week old.

When the grandchildren were born, MIL bought lots of lovely baby things for us to share ( MIL lives abroad close to SIL and we are in the UK).

DP and I are currently on holiday and staying with MIL and DC. DS 2 ( the youngest ) has had severe colic and reflux and during the wee small hours of searching the internet, I read a nice warm bath before bed can sometimes relax the baby. At this point, I am willing to try anything. MIL only has a shower and a sit on things for the baby borrowed from SIL.

I remembered about the lovely bath with a pillow MIL purchased and asked where it was. She said SIL had borrowed it. MIL messaged SIL to ask if she could bring it back please. SIL said no, she still uses it. MIL explained our colic situation and how we are all incredibly sleep deprived and also how she is the one who bought the baby bath and she still refused to bring it back ( we are only here for two weeks so she would get it back!) she suggested we buy our own.

SIL has just moved house and has a lovely big bath in her second bathroom she could use for DN.

DP got a bit annoyed and messaged SIL saying he will come to pick it up himself and they ended up having an argument about it.

AIBU to think SIL is being incredibly unreasonable and childish about a bloody baby bath? Children’s things are not cheap here and we will only be using it for two weeks to try an ease a bit of pain for our DS2 which she clearly doesn’t care about!

OP posts:
Promisingtree · 08/08/2026 11:24

Theunamedcat · 08/08/2026 10:38

Does he have OCD? it doesn't need to "make sense" if you have OCD

Show quote history

But the minute his OCD makes life harder for his baby, it should be ignored

ThatHangryRubyReader · 08/08/2026 11:24

ExhaustedRaccoon · 08/08/2026 11:16

I’m sorry but I’m not washing my 8 week in a sink, where he will become slippery with the water and possibly aggravate any colic/reflux he has. I’d rather be safe and use the correct apparatus that are made for babies!

someone on here said I’m “fixated” on the idea of bathing to relieve colic. This is not the case. I’ve tried many things from trips to a private paediatrician here to massage and although there is slight relief, it’s like to try a bath to see if this helps him as I’m sure it has many babies! The only person making an issue out of it is my SIL who contradicts herself by saying she still uses it but then I a mother breath has said she doesn’t bathe her daughter, she has showers.

I cannot get my head around the fact she is so possessive over a bloody bath.

MIL did buy these things for the occasional stay over, and also because we stay a few times a year so she makes sure she has everything we need.

DIL took the bath when MIL came to stay with us for a few weeks, she did not ask and knew we were coming with DS1 2 months later and instead gave us a seat for him to sit on ( which she didn’t like) which at the time was fine as DS was older and found showering fun.

I haven’t made a big deal out of it and messaged her or spoken to her about it, I just wondered what peoples opinions were but obviously I’m being unreasonable for thinking she’s making a big thing of it by texting DP and MIL some rather rude texts insinuating her DC is far more important and she needs the bath… even though SIL stated she never baths her.

The sink will work. Just put a tea towel on the bottom. I would drop it as it is clear she probably doesn't even have it. Might have given it away even. SIL is being difficult for a reason. Hugs I do hope bubs colic goes soon as there is nothing worse than that. So horrible.

Dragonplant · 08/08/2026 11:24

SIL is being a pain in the arse it unfortunately with people like her there’s no point trying to win. Just pretend the bath never existed and look for another solution

Alwayscoffeefirst · 08/08/2026 11:21

I think your SIL is being ridiculous and simply unkind. Does her 2 year old even still fit in it? Can’t for the life of me understand why she wouldn’t want to share it and help you out. You are definitely not unreasonable.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/08/2026 11:21

ExhaustedRaccoon · 08/08/2026 11:16

I’m sorry but I’m not washing my 8 week in a sink, where he will become slippery with the water and possibly aggravate any colic/reflux he has. I’d rather be safe and use the correct apparatus that are made for babies!

someone on here said I’m “fixated” on the idea of bathing to relieve colic. This is not the case. I’ve tried many things from trips to a private paediatrician here to massage and although there is slight relief, it’s like to try a bath to see if this helps him as I’m sure it has many babies! The only person making an issue out of it is my SIL who contradicts herself by saying she still uses it but then I a mother breath has said she doesn’t bathe her daughter, she has showers.

I cannot get my head around the fact she is so possessive over a bloody bath.

MIL did buy these things for the occasional stay over, and also because we stay a few times a year so she makes sure she has everything we need.

DIL took the bath when MIL came to stay with us for a few weeks, she did not ask and knew we were coming with DS1 2 months later and instead gave us a seat for him to sit on ( which she didn’t like) which at the time was fine as DS was older and found showering fun.

I haven’t made a big deal out of it and messaged her or spoken to her about it, I just wondered what peoples opinions were but obviously I’m being unreasonable for thinking she’s making a big thing of it by texting DP and MIL some rather rude texts insinuating her DC is far more important and she needs the bath… even though SIL stated she never baths her.

Why will the baby be more ‘slippery in the water’ in a sink than a bath? Don’t be daft.

Bottom line is if SIL doesn’t bring the bath back, which she likely doesn’t even have anymore, you can:

  1. buy a baby bath, makes the most sense seen as you visit several times a year
  2. leave your baby in pain without trying a bath
  3. bath baby in the sink like billions of other people have successfully done for decades without issue.

Yes SIL is being a jerk, but you can’t change that so buy a bath or bath baby in the sink

Original poster
ExhaustedRaccoon · 08/08/2026 11:16

I’m sorry but I’m not washing my 8 week in a sink, where he will become slippery with the water and possibly aggravate any colic/reflux he has. I’d rather be safe and use the correct apparatus that are made for babies!

someone on here said I’m “fixated” on the idea of bathing to relieve colic. This is not the case. I’ve tried many things from trips to a private paediatrician here to massage and although there is slight relief, it’s like to try a bath to see if this helps him as I’m sure it has many babies! The only person making an issue out of it is my SIL who contradicts herself by saying she still uses it but then I a mother breath has said she doesn’t bathe her daughter, she has showers.

I cannot get my head around the fact she is so possessive over a bloody bath.

MIL did buy these things for the occasional stay over, and also because we stay a few times a year so she makes sure she has everything we need.

DIL took the bath when MIL came to stay with us for a few weeks, she did not ask and knew we were coming with DS1 2 months later and instead gave us a seat for him to sit on ( which she didn’t like) which at the time was fine as DS was older and found showering fun.

I haven’t made a big deal out of it and messaged her or spoken to her about it, I just wondered what peoples opinions were but obviously I’m being unreasonable for thinking she’s making a big thing of it by texting DP and MIL some rather rude texts insinuating her DC is far more important and she needs the bath… even though SIL stated she never baths her.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/08/2026 11:12

Lifelover16 · 08/08/2026 11:10

Buy a new washing up bowl and use that. If you hold your baby correctly you won’t need a back support - they are very recent things.
or get in a warm bath yourself - check the temperature of the water - and get someone to hand you the baby. It’s so soothing for parent and baby to bath together.

There is no bath to get into

icingonmycupcake · 08/08/2026 11:11

Maybe she's being so obstructive because she's got rid of it,

Lifelover16 · 08/08/2026 11:10

Buy a new washing up bowl and use that. If you hold your baby correctly you won’t need a back support - they are very recent things.
or get in a warm bath yourself - check the temperature of the water - and get someone to hand you the baby. It’s so soothing for parent and baby to bath together.

sittingonabeach · 08/08/2026 11:04

Bet she has sold it

Bollihobs · 08/08/2026 11:02

AutumnLover1990 · 08/08/2026 10:42

I must be from another planet then. Your SIL is being awful for not helping you out and loaning you the bath. You're only there for 2 weeks! Why on earth should OP buy one?

Edited

I agree, I can't believe the number replies saying what SIL is doing is fine!! 🤔 Bonkers.

The normal response would have been "of course, I'll bring it straight over, anything else we might have that you can think of?"

She's either sold it or her she's put out just by you, DH & DC's being there.

surpriseWed · 08/08/2026 11:01

Your DP is ridiculous. Use the sink

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/08/2026 11:00

Seagulldancing · 08/08/2026 10:54

The cult of the Italian Son is a thing. SiL is probably livid he's turned up and wants her stuff, as he may well be the golden child.

Show quote history

OP still isn’t up against ‘cultural issues’, the MIL who bought the stuff to share, and both siblings fighting over it are all Italian. OP could be Italian too for all you know. And DH doesn’t want to use the sink because of OCD. Her problem isn’t cultural, it’s just a stupid argument that can be easily resolved by bathing the baby in a sink

Iwantanothergo · 08/08/2026 11:00

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/08/2026 10:57

SIL doesn’t have a baby. MIL doesn’t have a bath. She can’t buy a cheap baby bath easily.

Sink is the best option

Show quote history

Yes, I realised too late that SIL doesn’t have a baby, and had edited my post while you were writing yours.

Yes - why not use the sink. I always did when visiting grandparents with my baby.

Tryagain26 · 08/08/2026 10:58

RandomUsernameHere · 08/08/2026 10:07

I’m a bit confused that your MiL bought lots of baby things for you and SiL to share, but you live in different countries.

Surely they are go share when they visit her. It makes perfect sense to me

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/08/2026 10:58

Rachie1973 · 08/08/2026 10:55

You can buy baby bucket baths. I think they call them snuggle tubs. Newborns aren’t used to being stretched out in water. The bucket tub reassures and it feels more cocoon like so more like the uterus. Probably better for a colicky baby really.

Show quote history

Obviously not an option here

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/08/2026 10:57

Iwantanothergo · 08/08/2026 10:54

SIL is not being helpful but I wonder how she was asked. She probably no longer has it but doesn’t want to say so.

I don’t understand how MIL bought things for you and SIL to "share" when you live in different countries. How could that possibly work? If the items were meant to stay in MIL's house she shouldn’t have let SIL take the bath away in the first place.

I also don’t understand why you don’t use the big bath, or use the kitchen sink, or just buy a cheap baby bath - presumably you expect SIL to do one of those things.

Edited

SIL doesn’t have a baby. MIL doesn’t have a bath. She can’t buy a cheap baby bath easily.

Sink is the best option

Rachie1973 · 08/08/2026 10:55

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 08/08/2026 10:53

Exactly.

Show quote history

You can buy baby bucket baths. I think they call them snuggle tubs. Newborns aren’t used to being stretched out in water. The bucket tub reassures and it feels more cocoon like so more like the uterus. Probably better for a colicky baby really.

Seagulldancing · 08/08/2026 10:54

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/08/2026 10:53

No it isn’t cultural issues

Show quote history

The cult of the Italian Son is a thing. SiL is probably livid he's turned up and wants her stuff, as he may well be the golden child.

Sereine · 08/08/2026 10:54

Theunamedcat · 08/08/2026 10:38

Does he have OCD? it doesn't need to "make sense" if you have OCD

Show quote history

It needs to make sense so far as OP is concerned, as she doesn't have OCD. When you have a baby, an awful lot of mucky things happen which the father with OCD presumably has managed to cope with. OP is entitled to put the baby first.

Tryagain26 · 08/08/2026 10:54

Littlebobbin15 · 08/08/2026 09:35

Sorry but I think all parties are a bit unreasonable here, MIL for ‘buying things to share’, this is proving it’s difficult for this to work in practice,

SIL for being a bit peevish about it, and I understand it will be tough through colic and sleep deprivation, but you are a little too for expecting SIL to hand over some equipment that she uses, probably part of her routine.

Presumably the mother in law bought the equipment to keep it in her house so the grandchildren can use it when they visit. Surely that's fair enough. You can't expect her to buy two lots of everything?
I'm a little confused about the baby bath does the sister i law use it for her toddler? Isn't he too big for a baby bath? Why can't he go in the family bath.

Iwantanothergo · 08/08/2026 10:54

SIL is not being helpful but I wonder how she was asked. She probably no longer has it but doesn’t want to say so.

I don’t understand how MIL bought things for you and SIL to "share" when you live in different countries. How could that possibly work? If the items were meant to stay in MIL's house she shouldn’t have let SIL take the bath away in the first place.

I also don’t understand why you don’t use the big bath, or use the kitchen sink, or just buy a cheap baby bath - presumably you expect SIL to do one of those things.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/08/2026 10:54

TheignT · 08/08/2026 10:50

The baby couldnt lie back and relax in a bucket, they'd be vertical.

Show quote history

That's the point of using one. The baby is feeling sick, got burning stomach acid coming up and has intense abdominal pain from trapped wind making it want to curl its legs up against the pain. It really doesn't need to be tipped onto its back to 'relax'.

Washingforweeks · 08/08/2026 10:53

I think your sil is being Abit precious. Just bath baby in the sink

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 08/08/2026 10:53

TheignT · 08/08/2026 10:50

The baby couldnt lie back and relax in a bucket, they'd be vertical.

Show quote history

Exactly.