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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a red flag or a reasonable request from lodger?

81 replies

blanketsnuggler · Yesterday 23:20

We rent out our Annex, and have just advertised for a new lodger. Decided on a nice lady who said the deposit/rent would not be a problem. (Good English, but not her first language).
Messaged her today to send over the agreement paperwork and bank details etc. She messaged back asking if it would be ok to send part of the deposit now, and the rest with the first rent payment in 4 weeks time.

Disclaimer - I have autism and am TERRIBLE at reading people! Sorry if this is an obvious question. Thanks

OP posts:
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loppity · Today 10:10

Hello OP, I am autistic and have a lodger (first one for me). I used a company to do the credit checks and references (employer and previous landlord) which I found helpful and reassuring- they also covered the initial right to rent check . In terms of telling her what you've decided agree with others, you can do it writing and keep it factual. You need the deposit up front and won't be able to proceed as she can't comply and wish her luck.

smallscaleprivatelandlord · Today 09:58

References can be useless as the person referring is often someone wanting rid of the lodger/tenant/family member. Sometimes they even use 'I'll write you a good Reference!' As an incentive for the person to leave. Do not rely on that.

Hennypenny3 · Today 09:58

LoyalMintOtter · Today 09:56

What does 'English not her first language' have to do with this?

It's giving us the full picture,so she doesn't get accused of drip feeding later

Hennypenny3 · Today 09:57

She's not the person for you
She will be clearly be difficult,and you need to say no now

B1anche · Today 09:56

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · Today 09:54

Then she shouldn’t have called it an annexe in the OP. It’s presumably an extension.

Show quote history

Yes. If you'd read all the OP's posts, not just the first, this would be clear.

LoyalMintOtter · Today 09:56

What does 'English not her first language' have to do with this?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · Today 09:54

SpidersAreShitheads · Today 09:47

You need to read all the comments from the OP - she’s clarified this. There are shared areas.

Show quote history

Then she shouldn’t have called it an annexe in the OP. It’s presumably an extension.

SpidersAreShitheads · Today 09:47

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · Today 09:17

I thought the OP called it an annex, which usually means that it has its own separate entrance and is self contained.

Lodgers usually share some facilities with the owner.

Show quote history

You need to read all the comments from the OP - she’s clarified this. There are shared areas.

Boomer55 · Today 09:46

blanketsnuggler · Today 00:09

ok. sent the message. what do I do if she suddenly finds the full deposit now?

Just say you’ve found another lodger and wish her well in her home search.

Puzzledandpissedoff · Today 09:45

If she has a secure job, paying rent at the end of the month won't be a problem

That's not an assumption I'd personally want to make, @Gwenhwyfar
It's true that a secure job will make the money available, but not that it'll necessarily be used for paying essentials suchh as rent

MrsJeanLuc · Today 09:41

blanketsnuggler · Yesterday 23:20

We rent out our Annex, and have just advertised for a new lodger. Decided on a nice lady who said the deposit/rent would not be a problem. (Good English, but not her first language).
Messaged her today to send over the agreement paperwork and bank details etc. She messaged back asking if it would be ok to send part of the deposit now, and the rest with the first rent payment in 4 weeks time.

Disclaimer - I have autism and am TERRIBLE at reading people! Sorry if this is an obvious question. Thanks

send part of the deposit now, and the rest with the first rent payment in 4 weeks time.

WTAF? Rent should be paid in advance.

I agree with everyone else, don't accept this woman as a lodger, she's going to be trouble.

For future reference, rent should be paid in advance. Your next lodger moves in AFTER you have received deposit, first month's rent, and any smaller deposits for keys etc. And the signed agreement of course.
You also need to do credit checks etc. Ask for:

  • proof that they CAN pay (eg bank statements, payslips)
  • proof that they WILL pay (eg reference/testimonial from a previous landlord).

And lastly, make your autism your friend here. Go over everything in fine detail. Don't worry about being "nice" or "polite", you need to be business-like and clear. People who have accused you of being rude probably just don't like that you are direct and/or have missed some social nicety - but this isn't a social situation.

ABitFab · Today 09:26

Definitely not good

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · Today 09:17

Morethanadecade · Today 08:58

No, she is a lodger, not a tenant. She will live in a room in the OP’s house and use the shared spaces. It’s not a separate building with its own facilities.

Show quote history

I thought the OP called it an annex, which usually means that it has its own separate entrance and is self contained.

Lodgers usually share some facilities with the owner.

saveforthat · Today 09:11

Surely rent is payable in advance so before moving in she needs to pay the 1st month's rent and the deposit. You said the first month's rent is due in 4 weeks, are you letting her pay rent in arrears? Why?

Kimmers4334 · Today 09:04

What referencing and financial checks have you done?
It’s definitely a red flag. If your rule is deposit before she moves in, and she won’t/can’t pay it, then she can’t move in. Maybe she is waiting for her previous deposit back, or maybe she didn’t get it back 👀

chirrupybird · Today 09:03

If she can't afford the deposit she probably can't afford the rent either, I would look for someone else unless it's all signed up already and she pays the deposit as agreed. Did she give a reason that she couldn't pay the deposit?

Morethanadecade · Today 08:58

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · Today 08:45

This x 100.

Show quote history

No, she is a lodger, not a tenant. She will live in a room in the OP’s house and use the shared spaces. It’s not a separate building with its own facilities.

AnnDroidAnnDroid · Today 08:57

No, I wouldn’t trust someone who can’t get an overdraft or short term loan for four weeks to pay as agreed, it shows that if something g happens in future she will prioritise keeping herself in the black over paying her rent, and she obviously doesn’t have much of a buffer in her finances.

Gwenhwyfar · Today 08:56

OnTheBoardwalk · Yesterday 23:35

Massive red flag, she can’t afford to live there and will never pay the full amount

how is she planning on paying the rent going forward?

From wages?
Problem is that a deposit is paid in advance are people are generally paid their wages in arrears so, unless you have savings, you may find an advance payment of the deposit difficult.
If she has a secure job, paying rent at the end of the month won't be a problem.

Alwayswonderedwhy · Today 08:51

Have you had her references back yet?

ViciousCurrentBun · Today 08:48

Do not rent to this woman, what @TubeScreamer has written is the advice I agree with.

Puzzledandpissedoff · Today 08:46

TubeScreamer · Today 08:23

contact her and say that you don’t wish to proceed, Even if she pays in full now, this will be the first of many such requests in future,
red flags galore.

This

If she's starting this already, letting her move in "if she can find the deposit" would be very foolish as it'll just carry on once she's in situ
Much better to avoid this rather than bringing a nightmare on yourself

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · Today 08:45

Friendlygingercat · Yesterday 23:37

She is not a lodger she is a tenant and they have strong rights under the new legislation. Please pay attention to the warnings issued by other PP.

This x 100.

Frumpitydoo · Today 08:43

Do not let her in. You will massively regret it.

BaffledAndBemusedToo · Today 08:41

dancehysterical22 · Yesterday 23:35

What does autism have to do with this?

Because some autistic people can struggle with communication, inference, reading between the lines, etc., and getting it wrong for years can make you wary and mistrustful of yourself.