AIBU to think marrying after eight months is not always rash?

but rash or not rash are no guarantee whatsoever to a long or successful marriage anyway.

So why does it matter?

Got engaged after 2 weeks. Married 9 months later. Will be celebrating our 39th wedding anniversary next month.
Love the bones of him. He’s my soulmate.

Yes, rash.

Now I understand my lecturer ay university talking about humans and risk assessment. You all have survivor bias. "None of us wore seatbealts and we're all still alive."

Even if you met and married in 2 days and lasted 50 years, the initial decision was rash and you are lucky.

I write as someone whose first marriage was sensible and terrible, and second was rash and great. Rash is great when it worked. It did for me. But it doesn't mean it's not rash. There are even statistics https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201710/how-long-should-you-date-getting-married

I know a couple who have been married nearly 60 years who got engaged after a week. Historically many people got married when they hardly knew each other. Obviously some marriages were disasters but there were still happy marriages. We have longer courtships these days but I know several people who said they knew very early on this was it even if they took longer to get engaged.

Assuming nobody is an arse I think what determines if a marriage works is 1) shared values and 2) a commitment to work at the marriage. How long you've been together before the wedding isn't as important as those.

My parents got married after 8 months. They hardly ever argued and were still happily married when my dad died.

We discussed marriage in our first ever conversation! Married 20 years

DH and I were engaged within 8 weeks of meeting, got married 6 months later and will be celebrating our 42nd wedding anniversary in Sept.

Rash? or not?

I think it's short in general but generalising never accounts for the specific cases where the opposite is true.

I don't think that's long enough to really, properly know someone in general - but obviously the reason people caution against marrying someone you haven't known for a longer period is not that knowing someone a specific period of time is a requirement but because there's a risk they're not who you thought/you struggle during difficult periods later on/you learn something about how they operate that isn't ideal, etc. That obviously isn't going to be the case for everyone and clearly isn't for you, which is lovely!

My mum and dad married only a few months after meeting. Their marriage lasted until Dad died, 52 years.

People get divorced 10, 15 years after being married.

People divorced the year after getting married and 10 years living together.

People divorced after spending too long dating and being engaged and faffing.

People change, get bored of each other, take the other for granted and realise there's more to life after years together.

Couples are madly in love years and years after getting married, 3 or 6 months after they first met (I have some in mind when I say that)

There are no rule, just individual circumstances and people. No, it's not rash.
You can know someone better and be closer after 6 months than others will be despite knowing each other for years.

I'm not sure you can know everything about a person in eight months, or if you do know everything you need to know it must have been in the form of many many questions and answers rather than finding out organically, and I think maybe people are more honest in how they act (how they behave with money, how they behave with children, how they would bring children up, how they see their future, how they behave under pressure, how they behave when you are ill, how they behave when they are ill, etc) than how they answer a question.

Yours is a normal story. This is just good, how it should be. Your colleague, who is '40 and would really like to meet someone', has left it dangerously late, being a woman.

I think if you were both 18 it would have been rash but I think less so, once you get into your 30s and beyond. In your 30s upward, you’ve usually had a couple of relationships and have a clear idea of what you want (and don’t want). Also as you wanted children, there really wasn’t much time to hang about.

I’m really glad it’s working out for you - I also don’t think it’s anyone else’s business! If anyone judges you, tell them to pack it in. :)

It's just luck at this stage. We were at the other end of the scale, 12 years before we got around to it.

Of the couples whose weddings we attended that subsequently got divorced, two thirds had been together under 2 years when they got married, and got divorced in the first 5 years of marriage.

My anecdotal evidence is longer together before getting married, up to around a plateau of 6 or 7 years, the longer it lasted. But the plural of anecdote isn't data, I know.

I wish you both a happy and joyful life together. After a few years no one gives a toss how quickly or slowly it happened anyway.

I agree.

You haven't had the chance to see how they react to the ups and downs of life and whether these things will push you closer together or pull you apart.

If it lasts long term then that's great but it's more down to luck than because you 'just knew'. Plenty of people think they 'know its the one' then split up a year later when they've got to know each other a bit more.

Being together for longer (or through some difficulties) before marriage isn't a guarantee of happiness but I'm sure it gives you a better chance, because you know each other that bit better/deeper, so you can be more sure.

Having said that OP its great that you're happy, but if you don't like people commenting on it, maybe don't tell them how soon it was for you? People do love to have an opinion on everything.

Of course it’s rash. Dreadful, scary, dangerous men can pretend for a few months.

I was rash. It worked out. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t rash.

If it has worked out well for you, great. I would however be very concerned if my sister moved that quickly.

My own personal experience was a fast moving relationship (moved in together within 6 months) that turned abusive after 2-3 years. That's not always the case, but it has made me very cagey.

I met him in March and we married in October the same year. That was 30 years ago. Still married.

I think it's rash.

But I also think it can work out.

I met my DH at mutual friends wedding. He proposed a week later. I told him to wait but he did it the week after and I accepted. We got married 14 months later, 35 years ago. We were both 28 then.

It’s a gamble at any stage . You will get people on here who lived with someone 7 years, got married with a couple of kids and then divorced within 3 years, just as much as people married after 7 months still married after 25 years

I met and married DH in 11 months. Older and wiser. So far so good 😊

Come back in another 15 years to say you're still happily married and made the right decision.
I don't thing 4 years is long enough yet to be making this announcement.

I agree @mustreadmorebooks