AIBU to think marrying after eight months is not always rash?

I don't think there's ever a right answer tbh.
I met my DH at 18 and knew straight away that we would get married and it still took us 10 years. We did so much growing up together over those years and Im glad we didn't get married quickly like i wanted. But as you say at 36 you've done a lot of the growing up so it makes sense that you both knew what you wanted quickly.
I also think people that haven't been in a good, fulfilling, happy relationship struggle to imagine it for others and think there must be a catch somewhere!
Congrats on a lovely life, its rare to hear people talking nicely about their other half and family!

DH and I eloped after not much more than a month together

As it happens, it worked out fine, but I wouldn't recommend it as it's a bloody stupid thing to do. Been married 32 years, but given we were almost strangers it could have gone either way...

There’s no right or wrong because I was just speaking about this last month when a friend of mine said she’s getting a divorce 2 years after marriage, they have lived together for 13 years, own a house and have 2 kids already, there was no major life event since the wedding but they’re still getting a divorce so length of time does not matter. DH and I got married after 4 years but he proposed after 6 months, I was 19 and he was 21, our parents told us to calm down as we were just kids. We’ve been married for 16 years now so sometimes when you know, you know.

Met and married within a year here too. Been married 27 years. I do think now that we missed out a bit on the whole dating stage as it was serious very quickly but it was right for us.

I agree with this.

Your post comes across as bit defensive and a tiny bit smug, if I'm brutally honest. I'm not sure why you're asking if you're so sure.

Maybe you have found someone who is perfect for you and all power to you if you have, but you really don't know. You're still, relatively speaking, in the early stages of this and it's going well which is a good sign, but a marriage can be a very long haul and you won't really know until it's properly tested.

As a general principle I think its foolish to get married too soon as you really need to observe someone under pressure to work out if they are really a keeper, and the early stages of a relationship don't really give you that stress test. But to some extend any decision is a gamble and you can never have absolute certainty about someone.

You seem very happy for now, I'd just carry on and hope for the best, but I'm not sure why you want the validation of randoms on the internet about the state of your marriage?

Everyone is different, however the honeymoon phase is driven by a surge of brain chemicals and hormones. Dopamine creates feelings of excitement and pleasure, norepinephrine causes butterflies and racing thoughts, while oxytocin and vasopressin strengthen emotional bonding and attachment. Changes in serotonin may also contribute to constantly thinking about your new partner. This phase typically lasts between 6 months and 2 years before feelings usually settle into a deeper, more stable form of love.

I think the problem is that 8 months isn’t enough time to observe someone across many situations/pressure points. You can absolutely find and marry the love of your life quickly. It’s just the chances you may have misjudged someone increases exponentially. Most new boyfriends/girlfriends seem fantastic for the first few months. For example, I know a woman who gave birth to a baby with someone 14 months after meeting them (so pregnant after 5 months). Her partner thinks she is the sweetest most kind-hearted woman on the planet. He has no idea her last ex (boyfriend before him) dumped her the year prior to them meeting because he caught her secretly not taking her birth control pills. He also has no idea her ex spouse hates her for having an affair and leaving them for a work colleague. He often says things like ‘Her ex is crazy - how could anyone not like her?!’ It simply wasn’t enough time to know her well and I’m very curious how this will all turn out.

I met my husband and married him within a year 40 years ago. Tbh I’d have married him within a month.
No regrets.

Not always, no. But that’s not a high bar. Even if one marriage succeeded it would mean it wasn’t “always” rash.

More often than not, I think it is imprudent. I think it is important to really know someone and how they deal with life’s ups and downs before committing to spending your life with them and tying your financial future with theirs.

For women, it is especially imprudent - lots of abusers can hide their true selves for a while. It’s one of the reasons that so many abusers begin or increase their abusive behaviour after marriage and/or the first child. By which point many women feel unable to leave.

We met at work we were both early 40’s with previous relationships, I moved in with him after 6 months. We’ve now been together now for 16 years and are thinking about getting married .
so it can work out, if it’s right for you that’s all that matters. 😊

DH proposed after we had been going out 8 months. TBH I was already hoping he would as I had long made up my mind about him. The wedding took another 9 months to arrange because families expected a proper "do".

Edited to add we will be celebrating our 40th anniversary next year.

42% of marriages in England and Wales are expected to end in divorce, 40 to 45% in the USA, so marriage IS a gamble anyway.

More than one person has used the phrase 'guarantee' about longer relationships. Risk (and therefore rashness) surely isn't defined by one decision being correct 100% of the time.

I bet you all use car seats for your DC. There is a tiny chance of them being hurt in a crash either way and using one is no guarantee your DC won't be hurt. But a parent not using one would be rash, no?

Rash isn't a dire judgement on your good sense. Being rash is fun. In fact risk is correlated with success in many cases. If you risk more you have a higher chance of failure but also a chance of great success. And if you're lucky, like I was, great.

Would I recommend doing what I did? No. It's like when Taylor Swift tells people to follow their dreams. 99.999999999999999999% of them won't be successful like her. She's lucky. Good for her. But she's lucky.

eight months is not quick anyway

so "was it rash" doesn't even apply here.

I thought that scientifically, the 'honeymoon hormones' (dopamine and oxytocin) wear off after 6-24 months, and then you see whether there is a deeper connection to sustain the relationship. When you're older and more sensible you can make more objective decisions so it's less of a gamble whether you're likely to be compatible long term. But there is no way of knowing for sure whether those habits that seemed cute at first will grate after the honeymoon period wears off.

I do think marrying so quickly is a bit rash given there is no longer any stigma against people dating, living together, having kids etc before marriage, so there isn't really any downside to waiting to marry whereas there is a downside to getting married too quickly.

I know people who have got married very quickly and some it worked out for and some it didn't.

I think statistically gwtrinf married very quickly is less likely to work out, but of course that's at a population level not individual

My PILs were engaged after six weeks and married six months after they met. They were devoted to each other for 50 years until MIL's death.

Moved in together after about 6 weeks and got married a few months later. That was 18 years ago. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Definitely rash but sometimes a gamble will pay off.

I think any cracks would’ve shown by now.
I agree with you, OP, that sometimes you can just tell when you meet your person.

Some people spend years together before getting married and it still ends in divorce.

I wish you and your family all the very best

No guarantee but it raises your chances significantly. The

Why does it matter? Because OP asked LOL. I don't care if someone wants to be rash. I was. I make rash decisions all the time and they work out. But they are rash.

Hilariously, one online dictionary even uses this exact situation to DEFINE the word.

rash
adjective
us
/ræʃ/
rash adjective (WITHOUT THOUGHT)
Add to word list
without thought for what might happen or result; unwise in your actions:
a rash statement
It was rash of them to get married so quickly.

But what of the many marriages (on this very website) where they were together for a decade plus before marrying and having children. And then he was revealed to be lazy/misogynistic/controlling. Is time any guarantee of better results?

When you know you know! I met DH online during one for the Covid lockdowns. We’d been chatting for 6 weeks before we could meet up and about 2 weeks after our first date he said I’m made him want to get married again! (He’d had a tricky previous marriage and difficult divorce) He actually popped the question 18months later and we married 2 years after that.

You were reckless and got lucky - congratulations! I know a few fast moving relationships, 2 worked in the long term, one more iffy.

That article doesn't really back you up!

"In sum: A one-size-fits-all time frame for when couples are ready to transition to a greater commitment like marriage isn't appropriate."