AIBU to think marrying after eight months is not always rash?

No,never heard that. Who said it?
Most of the posters here seem happy with their - in your opinion - 'hasty' marriages.

Perhaps it's an old wives tale 🤔

20 years ago and 50 plus years ago are very very different concepts and can't be readily lumped together. Those of us married around 20 years are the children of those married 50 years.

In the year 2001, when I met my husband, there was no frowning upon living together or sex before marriage. It really wasn't 'different times' or 'back then'. There was no societal pressure against cohabitation or sex/children outside marriage.

Even from my childhood, it was not unusual for couples to live together and have children before marriage. (Looking at my husband for one, a 1973 baby of unmarried parents).

You have to go back to my parents' age (WW2 and earlier babies) who married in the early 1960s to get to a cohort that felt they had to marry quickly to avoid scandal. Even then, the judgement was heavily class based.

DH and I were married 11 months after our first date. 26 years married and 2 adult children. We were both early 30s, been to uni, had good jobs. Both financially independent. Didn’t live together as we each had our own flats. Seems to have worked out so far.

Ah, @Turtlebeaker, what a lovely post! This made me so happy to read. If it helps, DH and I met in the October of 1993, went on our first holiday together in the December, got engaged early in 1994 and married in late August 1994. So, we’re a couple of weeks away from our 32nd wedding anniversary. Like you and your DH…we just knew. Sending you both lots of love xxx

We knew. We talked about marriage after 6 months, moved in together after 8 months although it was about a year and half before he formally proposed.

We got engaged after 3 months, married at just under 2 years. We only waited until then because my brother threw his toys out the pram about the idea of his younger sister being married before him when he and (now) SIL had been together longer. Married 23 years, no regrets.

It’s unusual in this day and age, yes.

Those who are saying they’ve been married 20+ years or their family members have been married for 50 years after only knowing each other a few months etc are commenting on different times. Back then, it wasn’t unusual to get married quickly as living together before marriage was frowned upon, sex before marriage was frowned upon, women were expected to get married and have children, being a SAHM was often the norm etc. The world is different now.

I’m glad it’s worked out for you.

My husband proposed after 3m, and I accepted, but we didn't actually get married until wed bee together 11 years, and we hit a bad rough patch in our marriage after 18 years, but heading towards our 19th anniversary in a better place.

I cover all bases on being rash and being cautious and having been together a long time, all I can say is that it's cute that you think you're all sorted on the relationship front - you don't know what your "finish line" is until you get there.

Could be death do us part, could be over and done next year. Good luck in your marriage OP - what you did 4y ago isn't going to matter in the long term. The early stages of your relationship are like the first jobs you put on your CV - they stop being relevant after a while!

I knew from my first date with dh that this relationship was different. We still waited 7 years before marrying though. We were young and didn't see any reason to rush. We've been together 23 years now and I don't regret waiting.

To me marrying after 8 months is always rash, that's not to say it won't work out but there is no denying that a couple who have been together longer have experienced more together and have seen more sides to each other.

I think lots of people see who reach their mid to late 30s marry quickly and have children quickly because the clock is ticking, they tell themselves that it's different because they are more mature etc etc but the truth is if time wasn't against them they would be more cautious but they don't feel that they can afford to be so they rush things and cross their fingers for the best.

My husband proposed to me after 3 weeks and 5 days of our first meeting. We hadn't even kissed. Married 9 months later at age 22 and still at uni. Everyone said it wouldnt last but we celebrated 26 years this year.

We had both had a couple of serious relationships before we met so we weren't entirely naive but I think it was a big risk looking back. But the risk was definitely worth the reward.

My parents got married after 6 months, they’re still happily married 50 years later.

We got married after 4 years, but moved in together after 8 moths, and I wouldn't have done that if I didn't think we'd get married at some point.

I do believe when you know, you know. I told a good friend 2 weeks after I met DH he was the man I was going to marry, I was very sure! Married 15 years.

Its my 21st wedding anniversary next week
We met in the febuary
Got engaged after two weeks and married in the August
Its not always been plain sailing but what long term relationship is?

I'd say it's always rash in that it's fast and risky. You're still in the honeymoon stage. But that doesn't mean it'll be a bad decision. Some rash choices still turn out well.

People who aren't married aren't included in divorce statistics, so whether or not they choose to carry on or split is irrelevant for "x% of marriages end in divorce " . The national statistics are what they are, but no large statistical population is without anomalies.

We got married 7 months after meeting. We’ve been married many years now and the older I get and the more I hear about other people’s husbands the more I like mine. He’s a gem and I’ve been so happy.

I would question how well you could truly know someone after just 8 months, and even less time living together. Maybe you got lucky, who knows? Would i want to be legally bound to someone I didn't truly know?

Personally no. Hence why I had a 10 year engagement and a further 2 years of marriage before any kids!

I know of somebody who had been with their partner well over a decade perfectly happy aparinately got married and six months later was getting divorced. My point is time is really irrelevant.

No, there is nothing 'indecisive' about the people I know/have known. What on earth is 'indecisive' about not getting married until 3-4 years after you meet?

What a silly comment. 🙄

I am guessing you have never heard the phrase 'marry in haste, repent at leisure?!'

.

We got married 5 months after meeting. I was 25 and DH was 23. Celebrated 46 years this year and still very happy.

We never lived together but from the first time of meeting we saw each other every day even if only for lunch as DH did shift work at the time.

Several of our friends dated for many years (shortest 6 years and longest 15 years) and all are now divorced. In fact the ones who dated the longest had the shortest marriages - one last 2 months and one 3 years.

Dh proposed to me after 2 months and we got married 6 months later.
I'd been unhappily married before, he hadn't been married and he is 7 years younger than me and not from the UK, was here on a work visa.
22 years later we're still going strong 😉

Maybe that’s because a good portion of working class people don’t get married, marriage offers financial protection, when you both don’t have much money there isn’t much to protect. WC people often feel if they can’t afford a big wedding then they’d rather not get married.

In my experience I see the opposite, the lesser educated slog it out together through the good and bad times, even if they’re not married, a lot get married when the children get older.

@Zov
"Over the past 35 years, I can count on the fingers of one hand, the amount of people who got married in less than 3-4 years after meeting their partner"

You must know a lot of indecisive people.

I'm with OP and,at 36,she was right not to hang around once they'd made their minds up.
Honestly OP, it's no-one else's business so I don't know why you're wasting headspace on it.

DH and I got engaged after 6 years, married after 8 but I knew I wanted to marry him very early into our relationship. The only reason it didn’t happen sooner is because we were 17 when we started going out! Got married at 25 and people still said we were too young. As long as you are happy with your decision it’s no-one else’s business!

Bingo. I had drama in my past but by the point I met my partner had outgrown all that crap. He was never inclined to it in the first place.