AIBU to think marrying after eight months is not always rash?

Yeah I do agree with that also, I don’t really understand people who are engaged for years. Marriage was an important milestone for me, once we decided it was what we wanted we got married within the year in a way we could afford, I don’t really understand putting marriage off in order to afford a big party or whatever else big reason is there to put it off. Feels like engagement is used as some kind of plaster for the issue at the time as opposed to being the genuine next step. I appreciate marriage means different things to different people though. I’m a bit old fashioned I guess.

Personally, I think that's very quick and no way would I marry someone that soon. My DW and I didn't even move in together for 2 years and were together 6 years before getting married although it was always discussed, we weren't in a rush and wanted to buy a house first. I do however know couples who have got married after similar timescales. Some have survived and some haven't. Each to their own but it wouldn't be for me.

For us we wanted to be together but did not want to just live together. Just courting was not what either of us wanted.

Although I, obviously, did not know beforehand that I would meet and marry someone so quickly I personally find it strange that couples wait so long to even get engaged let alone married. Most couples live together so why does it take 4 years or longer for them to know they want to spend the rest of their lives together?

Well on the flip side, why rush? If you feel secure, why the need to nail it down so quickly so to speak. What does early marriage give that a longer courting period wouldn’t? A bit different when the woman is older with reducing fertility rate (assuming that’s a priority) but if otherwise young, I’m not sure why there would need to be a rush if not trying to prove something.

It's gambling. Gambling is rash. Sometimes it pays off, more often not.

DH and I got engaged after 6 months. We just knew. I was late twenties, he was mid thirties, so we had been around long enough to know what we wanted in life, and from a partner long term. Been married now over 30 years.

I think there's a big difference between rushing into marriage, head over heels during that very highly charged period of being in love, and meeting someone who you just know is right, who has shared values, interests, hopes for the future. When you meet that person, you feel calm, not hyper, secure not unmoored. So why wait?

Mm. I think it’s always rash, and I certainly wouldn’t think it was a good idea in such a short timeframe as I personally do not believe you can truly know someone in such a short space of time, but, of course, can work out, and how wonderful for you and your husband that it did for you!

Isn't that the case with all marriages

In the 5 months between meeting and getting married me and DH saw each other every day. Some days we would meet for breakfast, some days for lunch and other days have an evening out (DH worked shifts). We never lived together.

Some couples don't get married for years after meeting (or even engaged) but only see each other once or twice a week.

There's always an element of risk in marrying someone. We were similar to OP - mid 30s, really clicked, checked out each others family and friends to make sure they weren't hiding loads of red flags, and went for it. Not far off our silver wedding now. We took the risk, just like anyone does when they get married.

I couldn’t agree more.

I don’t really buy into it either. I feel I’ve been very lucky that things have worked out so well. That said, when I met DH I’d been single for a while and had previously ended a relationship with someone who had an armful of red flags. So I had a better idea of what I was looking for.

Hmm I don't really think of it as "when you know you know" in my case. I think that phrase implies something like we all have a soulmate and we just knew we were each other's soulmate at first sight or something.

I think people who get married quickly tend to often have a slightly different view, something more like, we will grow into each other's lives and probably annoy each other and need to change our habits for each other but that's a meaningful and sweet part of life that we're excited for.

And then the "knowing" is more of a, hey, I like you! We rub along together well! You make me laugh and I feel good with you, I feel attracted to you! I've looked around at your friends and seen the foundations of your life (job, family relationships, financials, upbringing) and I'm comfortable with them. Great, let's go! Let's not overthink it!

I don’t buy into this idea of when you know you know. Nobody knows the fate of their relationship, whether you’re together for 1 year or 10 years prior to marriage. People nor life is static, you will change, circumstances will throw themselves at you, no one can know with any degree of certainty that their marriage will be a long and happy one, you just hope it is, and hopefully you’ve done some calculations along the way looking at compatibility, red flags etc to minimise the risk.

It can work but the fact it has worked for you is just complete luck. It’s not because you had some higher level insight at 8 months that others don’t. There are studies that show that it takes 2-3 years to really know someone, and if the mask is going to slip, it can take this long for it to happen. It’s not unheard of for a perfect tale like yours to turn into a dreadful situation. Many women report their partners only turning abusive and/or controlling once a baby has been born for example. So you got lucky. But for most, it’s better to wait a longer period because human beings are skilled at hiding who they really are for much longer than 8 months.

By the same token my sister met het ex husband dated for a couple of years then got engeged and lived together for a couple of years and planned the wedding
Had a lovely wedding lots of family and friends and got divorcrd after 18 years
My point being no relationship is guaranteed.

Yes, that's probably more accurate. 😂

My DSD and her DH had their first dd before their first anniversary of meeting. She's 4 now, they have another 8 month old dd and have been married for 2 years.

No, when you know, you hope.

There are always posts like this on threads like this. How many of us who rushed into marriage actually post to say how it didn't work out?

I got married after a fairly short time and then had a baby. I ended up being financially and emotionally abused and raised my child alone. Does that help?

Didn't get married straight away, but I did move in with DH after 6 weeks together. Got married 4 years later. That was over 30 years ago, now have grown DC and GC. Still happy together. When you know, you know.

Getting married after 8 months is rushed by definition of the word rushed! It's a very short time and it's impossible to really know someone after that period, although of course if you move in together early too you'll accelerate the process. Some people are lucky and it works out, but more people 'just know' and end up divorced or in domestically abusive relationships than those who stay happily married for the long term. 'just knowing' is a convenient story people tell themselves that can only get evidenced in hindsight.

Abdolutley its my 21st wedding anniverary next week

We marrried after six months if we split up it wouldnt be because we got married to w
quickly

It might not always end badly, but I'd say that marrying someone you've only known a short time is always rash.

I got engaged in my early 20s after 6 weeks, married (and pregnant) shortly after. Been married 25 years now.