AIBU to want one lie-in on my husband's days off?

He sometimes works 16 hour days. And gets 8 hours unbroken sleep every night, with more on non-working days. While his wife has 16hr days every bloody day looking after small children and never gets a single night of full sleep. He’s a selfish git who clearly doesn’t care if the mother of his children (and their carer) is absolutely exhausted while looking after his children. The bar really is on the floor.

Well sure he gets most of the sleep but one shit night a week won’t kill him.

Low standards for men!!! He is working 16 hour days supporting the family!!!

The baby is waking her up 2-3 times a night though. It’s right there in the OP. And maybe each time is a feed or a nappy change or time to settle the baby. That’s night after night after night for months. If you think that is equivalent to 8 hours sleep then you need a dr appointment.

Grandparents could step in because the father won’t?! Christ almighty we have low standards for men. OP, I think the broken sleep you’re having is much worse than missing out on a lie in. You need at least two nights of proper sleep where he does the night wakings. Tell him to pick which nights he’s going to do each week.

If it was the mother who worked very long hours and was financially supporting the family, would it be selfish if she didn’t let her SAH husband/partner have a lie in? If she was exhausted and needed to catch up
on sleep on her days off, would that be considered selfish of her?

Yes, if possible could grandparents help? I know it might not be, but if there's 4 healthy GP, they might. When my kids grow up, if they have kids, if I was healthy enough, I'd offer to take them one Friday/Saturday night so my son/daughter and their partners get a break.

RTFT. OP does ALL night wakings. Maybe instead of letting her sleep in, he should just take over baby entirely for a night or two at the weekend. Yes he works, but maybe OP should remind him that even Tony Blair did all the night wakings with their youngest while in office. It's possible even if it doesn't always improve decision-making.

@Ano4829172278 my first reaction is ‘ofc it’s fair that you have a lie in too!’.
And I stand by that. You need the rest a lie in can give you just as much as he does (or wants).

The issue I see is different.
If I understood well, your dh gets up av10.00am during the week. 12.00pm at weekends.
And the dcs wake up at 5.00am
Asking him to ‘not have a lie in’ MEand waking up at 5.00am. Hed only get 2 hours of sleep if he keeps his usual schedule. It sounds unfeasible to me.

I also get the issue with the nap and then not sleeping well at night or later because I’m doing the same.

I think you need a different organisation. Like a nap in the am rather than the pm.
Or you going to bed even earlier and your dh is doing bed time plus any wake up until 2.00am (when he then goes to sleep at his normal time).

Fwiw sleep wise you get more restful sleep before midnight so if you’re tired you’re better going to sleep earlier than having a lie in the am. Same number of hours of sleep but not the same quality

And Ime much harder when it’s about being a SAHM with young children.
Because your boss is a young chikd(ren) that will not compromise ever. Nor do they have rules to follow to avoid overwork etc… like there is at work!

The ‘she can do what she is likes’ is just hilarious tbh

Well shame on you then for not understanding how difficult it is for a mother to be on call 24/7 with absolutely zero days off. Especially if you have children yourself.
Your job might be more difficult than 24/7 365 days a year childcare with a potentially difficult baby but that most certainly isn’t the case for everyone.
And as my follow up post stated, my DH was out at ‘work’ for 14 hours some days but he absolutely wasn’t actively working all those hours and he’d admit himself, that my job at home with a clingy baby who wouldn’t sleep in the daytime, was much harder than his. Like I said, he wasn’t a prick about it though ……

Oh please can we just stop with the ‘he is working and you’re not so he can do anything he wants and you, woman, should just suck it up’.

The OP might have 8 hours of sleep on paper but in reality she doesn’t as the dcs wake up during the night (and so does she).
He is doing long hours which is hard.

The answer shouldn’t be based either on the number of hours of sleep (not everyone needs the same. What if the OP actually needs 9 hours of sleep so is missing 1~2 hours of sleep every night whereas her dh only needs 7 hours so is actually getting a lot in every day?)
It should be based on how tired everyine is and how theyre coping. The OP clearly isn’t and needs more sleep. It’s as valid as her dh need or want of a lie in

This is absolutely not true from my pov, having both been at home and worked 16 hour shifts!

The op's h thinking he should get all the available lie ins is sheer selfishness!

Broken sleep is a part of having a baby. OP’s husband has to work long hours so I think his sleep should be prioritised. He is the one presumably financially supporting the family so needs to keep his job.

She’s not getting 8 hours sleep - she says baby wakes 2 or 3 times a night, so could be as little as 5 broken hours, based on my DS as a baby

If someone disagrees, you always get asked if you’re a man!! No, I’m a woman.

Don’t be daft! Are you a man?!

Being on “24/7 isn’t the same as going out to work. The OP is her own boss. She can do what she likes. There are no deadlines and expectations.

When do his usual shifts start and finish?

That’s such a sweeping statement!
My DH is a self employed driver and although he’s out of the house for 14 hours sometimes, he’s absolutely not physically working all of that time! When I had a clingy baby that would only sleep for 20 - 30 minutes during the day, I’d say my job as a mother was way harder!
Luckily, I didn’t have a prick for a husband.

How do you know how difficult the baby is, or how often they wake up during the night? The bottom line is the OP is constantly ‘on call’ and doesn’t have any days off. Unlike the partner. If he’s going to sleep at 2am then he’s getting 8 hours sleep as well if he’s up at 10am!
I think it also depends what job the partner does and what his average day looks like.
But again, the OP is ‘on’ 24/7.

It’s a lot harder going out to work. The OP is getting 8 hours sleep. She can decide how busy each day is.

And OP is on shift/on call 24/7 with zero days off, let alone a lie in!
Do you really think that’s fair?

You said he sometimes works 16 hours a day but what’s his ‘usual’?
Whilst I appreciate he doesn’t sleep until 2am on the first day off, he could get up by about 10am surely?
He sometimes works 16 hours a day but you’re on duty for 24hrs. He has two days off and you have none. Yeah, I wouldn’t put up with this.
What job does he do?

The poor man sometimes works 16 hours a day!! I think OP is being unreasonable.