AIBU to want one lie-in on my husband's days off?

The OP’s husband is out at work for over 16 hours at times. He is pulling his weight.

The OP chose to have a baby with her husband. They both have to work in different ways. But nowadays so many women think everything is unfair. I DON’T THINK IT IS UNFAIR FOR THE PARENT WHO IS WORKING VERY LONG HOURS TO HAVE TWO LIE INS A WEEK.

Just because I don’t agree with you, there has to be something wrong!!!

@6ate9 what is wrong with you??

You know what.. I actually pity people like you who think that their partner doesn't deserve a few hours rest.

Maybe the men shouldn't have children.

Also... you keep referring to the OP as a SAHP. I'm glad you got that secret insight.

One of the best things you experience in a relationship is your partner's compassion. If you're running on empty, a caring and compassionate person says - 'I'll manage the children this morning and you have a lie in.'
In no universe is that unreasonable.

If you suffer from poor sleeping patterns, he can wake up earlier on his 2nd day off, then go back for that afternoon nap. That's love and compassion, not totting his working hours against yours and deciding he doesn't need to help you with such a reasonable request.

You never want to see the person you love struggling with something you can easily help with.

Some women on here always dismiss what the man is doing!! Yes, he is working very long hours. The OP isn’t out at work. If she goes back to work, then they should each get a lie in. Looking after a baby (with all the mod cons people have now) isn’t making women “fall on their knees” from exhaustion. People wouldn’t have more children if it was. Being a mother is tiring and working very long hours is tiring. The one working has to be professional and needs sleep to do his job properly. The SAHP can stay in their nightwear all day and not even have to go out the house if they’re feeling exhausted. It is different.

It's always been unfair. A man or woman shouldn't have to fall on their knees from exhaustion. Just because historically women have just got on with it doesn't mean everyone has to just settle for that crap.

Yes he's working. Isn't he fantastic. She could be out working too if she wasn't looking after the kids. Personally I find it alot less exhausting being out at work all day than being at home with kids.

My DH is currently on bed, I've been up 3 hours with our kids. However, last week I had a really tough week with the kids and told him i needed a rest. He got the toddler up, dressed, fed and out the door to softplay for a few hours so I could have a quieter morning with the baby only. It's called parenting and having respect for your partner. It needs to work both ways.

@99bottlesofkombucha @BudgetBuster @Pinkissmart

The OP stated her husband works really long hours, sometimes 16 hours a day. He obviously then isn’t getting much sleep by the time he gets home and actually gets to sleep. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to want to have a lie in on his two days off.

If it was a woman working very long hours and her husband was at home, would it be acceptable for her to lie in on her days off?

It seems to me that a man can never have “more” than a women these days. How dare this man have more sleep on his two days off. He probably needs it to function properly when he’s at work. Mothers (as it’s mainly women) have managed throughout history when life was a lot harder but now it’s “unfair.”

Is there any way he can reduce his hours?

You need a break, you can’t keep going without rest.

But 16 hour days are brutal, that is an incredibly long time to spend at work. I am not surprised he needs a rest. Why is he working such long hours, is it something you’ve talked about and either you or he want to change?

It sounds unsustainable as you both need rest. Can he change jobs?

Men also have a choice whether to have children and if as you say broken sleep is part of having children... Dad should experience it every once in a while.

Also you seem to have decided that the OP doesn't financially contribute. How'd you arrive at that conclusion? I'm currently on Mat Leave and I am also the one who is financially keeping a roof over our heads. My first born nearly drove me to a mental institute over lack of sleep. Myself and my husband were only discussing it today as my 2nd baby is thankfully more peaceful and only wakes 3 times overnight!

The OP has clearly said that she cosleeps in order to get any chance of a rest and that the child is up a few times a night. Personally I can't get back to sleep for well over an hour each time I'm woken (so 2 night wakings take away about 3 hours sleep)... also cosleepjng often means a very light sleep as you're constantly on the lookout for baby versus Dad coming in and completely zonking because he can.

My life is much easier when I'm working. I'd love to be able to.do whatever I want all day but funnily enough I only get maximum 2 hours where my baby is asleep during the day (and toddler doesn't nap at all) and I cram as much housework into that time as possible. I've taken one nap since my 2 month old was born and that was at 2 days post partum when my mum was here helping.

Of course Dads sleep is important but one day won't kill him... after all, he can nap during the day!

Oh come on! Stop that ‘ but I had to do it’ rubbish.

This is about respect and care. It’s not unreasonable for OP to have a tiny window of unbroken sleep a week.

No she isn’t.
Sleep deprivation is torture- she should have a lie in too.

How is she getting 8 hours sleep when she wakes up to baby? That time in bed would be about 3 hours sleep in 40 pieces with my babies.

SAHMs can manage on broken sleep. Why now can’t modern mothers not cope? For most of human history they managed. Women have the choice now to have children or not, some are very fortunate to get to choose if they want to be at home with them. Life is a lot easier than in the past with all the modern technology.

And the family need the children’s primary carer to be sufficiently rested and not chronically sleep deprived. The marriage needs both partners to be treated respectfully - not have one partner cosseted while the other gets no proper rest.

The vast majority of jobs can be done even if you don’t get a 10 flipping hours each night at the weekend! In fact, I’m struggling to think of any job that is 5 days a week and requires a lie in both weekend days. Honestly, your posts just sound like someone who thinks mothers should suffer.

The OP co sleeps. If she breastfeeds her husband can’t share the night feeds. What is so wrong with a mother who isn’t going out to work looking after the baby at night?

For most of human history, mothers did nights by sleeping right next to their babies, feeding them on demand, and sharing close physical contact.

I can understand parents sharing nights if they’re both working full time.

What is this nonsense?! When someone points out the obvious to you, that shes doing all the night feeds, the number of hours of sleep they both get doesnt matter because hes working, and she can go without because thats life (for women only apparently) when you have a baby....except hes not working because OP is talking about his days off.
So whats the next excuse as to why its fair he gets more sleep and time in bed on both his days off when they BOTH have a baby?

Edited because I realised you didn't in fact ask the first question.

The husband is working very long hours financially supporting his family. The mother is at home looking after their children. I do think the person who is out working long hours needs to prioritise on sleep. The family need that person to keep his/her job.

And the OP gets exactly zero nights of proper, uninterrupted sleep despite being responsible for the safety and wellbeing of small children all week. It is unacceptable that the children’s father is fine with that.

Sorry OP it's really hard to comment because I'm not sure I understand his work pattern. It reads like he works 16 hour shifts x 5 days a week but I'm assuming that's not the case.

The OP never stated that her husband has abandoned all child rearing responsibilities.

He gets to lie in on his two days off work after working very long hours.

Of course he should give you lie ins. I dunno about every week, because I do see that a 5 o'clock start would fuck up his sleep pattern, but then I do think he should do some of the night wakings each week too.

P.S I always found work a lot easier than looking after babies and toddlers, and frankly slightly less 'important' than keeping the children alive.

I did read it and chose to ignore it. Because I’ve never come across a case of a mother abandoning all child rearing responsibilities and claiming work made her do it. It’s bullshit whataboutery.

Could you look at my post at 16:28?