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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed about this situation with neighbour and her dog?

724 replies

CantGetBackToSleep · Yesterday 06:37

I’m lying awake because I don’t know what to do about this situation.

On Sunday our neighbour came to see us visibly upset. Her mum had been taken into hospital and she had been told to get there asap. Her mum lives in Scotland and we are in the South of England so she was panicking about getting there on time and also about who would look after her dog. We helped her book a flight as she was in a state shaking and in no state to think properly. She asked if we could have her dog for a few days. Reluctantly we agreed but said we were leaving to go on holiday on Friday evening so she would need to make other arrangements by Friday morning for him. We went and collected the dog and he has been with us since. We have our own dogs and they are all getting on well.

Our neighbour text me on Monday to say her mum had died. We had a brief text conversation and obviously I said how sorry I was to hear about her mum.

I text her on Wednesday morning to say that I know she has a lot to deal with but we really need to know what she’s doing about her dog as we are due to go away. I didn’t hear anything so I text her again yesterday to ask what she wanted us to do with the dog and got a text from another of her relatives from her phone saying our neighbour is very upset and isn’t in the right place to sort this out. I replied to say I understood but that when we agreed to have the dog, it was on the condition that she made other arrangements for the dog by Friday morning as we are due to go on holiday. I didn’t get a reply. I tried to call last night but it went to voicemail. I had already called our nearest boarding kennels who do have space so I told her on the voicemail that I could drop him at kennels but she needs to give them her payment details. I still haven’t had a reply from my neighbour.

What do we do? I’ve asked other neighbours and they won’t have him. My parents are having our dogs while we are away but are not willing to take the neighbours dog as well.

A friend has suggested I drop him at our local vets which is the vet my neighbour uses but I don’t think they would be ok with that. Another friend said if it comes to it to call the rspca, explain the situation and say he’s basically been abandoned.

I’m so stressed. I know my neighbour has lost her mum but we are not missing our holiday.

OP posts:
NCForOneNightOnly · Today 10:36

My mum died too. I actually held her hand while it happened. But I didn’t dump my dog on the neighbours and ignore all their calls, knowing full well that they were going on holiday.

Beingseenisneedy · Today 10:39

HoraceCope · Today 07:19

i am surprised the op's parents didnt take the dog.
seems a far fetched story even without that detail

Elderly parents taking on a dog they don't know, I'm surprised you're not offering to go and take it.

Sereine · Today 10:39

maxslice · Today 06:51

It is not sarcasm. It is pointing out that OP has no empathy and may well be the cause of her neighbor's dog being put down or adopted by someone else.

How would that be OP's fault? The neighbour can avoid either of those fates easily by contacting the vet, and/or responding when the vet calls her.

The fact that her mother died five days ago doesn't render her totally incapable of functioning. After all, she managed to get her relative to text OP back.

placemats · Today 10:44

Sereine · Today 10:12

There is nothing in GDPR preventing the vet from either using information provided by OP or their own records to contact the owner.

The vet has to access the chip database, which is confidential.

It's a legal requirement to have a dog chipped.

Floatlikeafeather2 · Today 10:44

HarshbutTrue2 · Today 09:45

Thank you for your kind words.
The OP lives in the South of England. Therefore, we assume her neighbour lives in the south of England. She had to help organise the flight for the neighbour. This means she went on a plane.

This would include all the faff at the airport. She may have a long drive at the other end. We don't know. For example, 2 hour wait at Gatwick, an hour's flight to Glasgow, hire a car 150 mile to Fort William. Its a haul.

I have flown to Scotland regularly. I have driven the length and breadth of Scotland on several occasions. I have also flown to Ireland for funerals at short notice. I have several short notice back ups for my dog.

You may think I live in fantasy land or I am preposterous. However, my comprehension skills are far superior to yours. I am capable of reading and understanding a post on mumnet.I suspect that I am more well travelled than you too.

😂😂😂 Oh my goodness.
Yes, you go on believing that, dear.

placemats · Today 10:45

HarshbutTrue2 · Today 09:53

No.
I have already stated that she should have contacted an animal charity for help. If they can't help, they will usually tell you who can.

I think our local stray dogs go to the dogs trust. Other councils have dogs homes. This is the sort of place where the dog will end up. Obviously, dogs trust must keep empty kennels especially for the council.

I think the owner has 7 days in which to claim, then the dog is put up for rehoming. Council pounds often pts. I know it costs a lot of money to reclaim a dog, not sure, but maybe £200.

It's the owner of the dog who should do that.

pictoosh · Today 10:50

I hope OP has been able to unwind from all of this stress and is currently enjoying her holiday.

Ladyfromthehill · Today 11:17

KitchenFaust · Today 08:41

The woman is obviously having a bad reaction to her mother’s death. Some kindness is called for. Just pay for the kennels jeez, you’re parents are clearly as rigid as you are

Is that you offering to pay for the kennels?

tastytea · Today 11:33

I can't believe people are saying the OP should pay for the dog to go into kennels for an indeterminate amount of time - that is a huge expense she is never getting back! Why on earth would she do that?

This feckless neighbour has dumped the dog on her last minute and is now ignoring her, knowing full well the OP is due to go on holiday. Who would be that selfish?

Personally I hope the dog is adopted by someone else because the owner obviously couldn't care less about it.

igelkott2026 · Today 11:39

placemats · Yesterday 17:22

UK GDPR.

Why would it apply in this case? They have the name and number of the owner from the OP so they can call them. The OP doesn't have to comply with GDPR, the vet does. So the OP can give the vet details, but not vice versa.

igelkott2026 · Today 11:40

placemats · Today 10:44

The vet has to access the chip database, which is confidential.

It's a legal requirement to have a dog chipped.

I still don't understand why you think that stops the vet contacting the owner.

igelkott2026 · Today 11:41

Beingseenisneedy · Today 10:39

Elderly parents taking on a dog they don't know, I'm surprised you're not offering to go and take it.

Why would someone take on someone else's dog?

As a pp said way back in the thread it's like saying "oh you're taking the two grandchildren, you don't mind taking their friend too do you".

People are truly bonkers on here.

placemats · Today 11:45

igelkott2026 · Today 11:40

I still don't understand why you think that stops the vet contacting the owner.

I didn't say anything about the vet not contacting the owner 😕. Perhaps we are a cross purposes here. Apologies if I misunderstood.

placemats · Today 11:49

It was a long thread @igelkott2026

Yes the vet would access the information via chip database and contact the owner. The OP has no privy to that information.

NNforthispost · Today 11:55

OP you’ve been very kind and thoughtful. I know neighbour is grieving and it does funny things. She should have contacted you though, if she also loves her dog. It would have been top of my list of priorities. You’ve done the right thing.

ApricotTulip · Today 12:02

CantGetBackToSleep · Yesterday 12:16

The dog is at the vet and they said they would scan and contact his owner if he has a chip. One of the receptionists recognised him so they know the owner is a customer. I’ve blocked my neighbours number so she can’t contact me to complain. Thanks for all the advice.

You did the right thing. When my dh died i didn't just drop my young kids with a neighbour and disappear. You have to still take responsibility for your dependents. Especially as she is no longer caring for her mother. You'd never have been repaid if you'd used a kennels

ApricotTulip · Today 12:02

Enjoy your holiday

ApricotTulip · Today 12:05

I hope she is grateful to you for the care you've already provided for the dog

Beingseenisneedy · Today 12:08

igelkott2026 · Today 11:41

Why would someone take on someone else's dog?

As a pp said way back in the thread it's like saying "oh you're taking the two grandchildren, you don't mind taking their friend too do you".

People are truly bonkers on here.

I was being sarcastic to @HoraceCope as she seems to think OP's parents should have taken the dog.

She should offer herself up instead of offering up other people.

Sereine · Today 12:20

placemats · Today 10:44

The vet has to access the chip database, which is confidential.

It's a legal requirement to have a dog chipped.

The chip database is there for a purpose. By putting your details on it as the owner, you are consenting to being contacted if your pet is lost. It would be utterly pointless having it if no-one was ever allowed to use it.

Plus, as pointed out, OP gave the vets the neighbour's details, so all they had to do was check that they corresponded with the information on the database.

redboxer321 · Today 12:20

QueenCamillaMW · Today 10:13

There really are some holier than thou types on here this morning.

OP should have cancelled her holiday to look after the dog, and also cleaned the neighbour's house, filled her fridge and freezer with home cooked food and tidied her garden.

Is that better?

I would have said that was the bare minimum to be honest.

TheOnlyWayIsIlford · Today 12:22

Millytante · Today 03:48

The dog being abandoned is why I reckon CF flew off to Benidorm with her friend, who posed as the relative in the unsatisfactory phone call.
Were she heading up to her dear old ailing Ma’s, and the family embrace, I think the dog would have been brought along too. 🕵🏻‍♀️

Quite a subterfuge, given that the OP helped her as she booked and presumably paid for tix to Scotland.

placemats · Today 12:23

Sereine · Today 12:20

The chip database is there for a purpose. By putting your details on it as the owner, you are consenting to being contacted if your pet is lost. It would be utterly pointless having it if no-one was ever allowed to use it.

Plus, as pointed out, OP gave the vets the neighbour's details, so all they had to do was check that they corresponded with the information on the database.

Edited

Thanks for the clarification.

CornedBeef451 · Today 12:30

Well done OP, definitely the right move. Have a lovely holiday and don't give it a second thought.

AcquadiP · Today 12:39

HarshbutTrue2 · Today 05:16

Many posters are heartless and cruel. If it was a child they probably would have dumped it in a field or the local hospital.

It's just proof of what a nasty uncaring society we have become.

Poor dog, it's owners have disappeared. It has been pushed from pillar to post. It is probably now in the local pound waiting to be put down and it's owner doesn't know where it is and has been blocked from finding out.

Yet all of that it totally acceptable in the warped world of mumsnet. I think this thread is ripe for Facebook or a lurid red top newspaper.

The owner does know where her dog is because the op sent her a text stating it was at the vets. In addition, the vet will scan the dog for a chip and attempt to make contact with the owner.

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