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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about this situation with neighbour and her dog?

731 replies

CantGetBackToSleep · Yesterday 06:37

I’m lying awake because I don’t know what to do about this situation.

On Sunday our neighbour came to see us visibly upset. Her mum had been taken into hospital and she had been told to get there asap. Her mum lives in Scotland and we are in the South of England so she was panicking about getting there on time and also about who would look after her dog. We helped her book a flight as she was in a state shaking and in no state to think properly. She asked if we could have her dog for a few days. Reluctantly we agreed but said we were leaving to go on holiday on Friday evening so she would need to make other arrangements by Friday morning for him. We went and collected the dog and he has been with us since. We have our own dogs and they are all getting on well.

Our neighbour text me on Monday to say her mum had died. We had a brief text conversation and obviously I said how sorry I was to hear about her mum.

I text her on Wednesday morning to say that I know she has a lot to deal with but we really need to know what she’s doing about her dog as we are due to go away. I didn’t hear anything so I text her again yesterday to ask what she wanted us to do with the dog and got a text from another of her relatives from her phone saying our neighbour is very upset and isn’t in the right place to sort this out. I replied to say I understood but that when we agreed to have the dog, it was on the condition that she made other arrangements for the dog by Friday morning as we are due to go on holiday. I didn’t get a reply. I tried to call last night but it went to voicemail. I had already called our nearest boarding kennels who do have space so I told her on the voicemail that I could drop him at kennels but she needs to give them her payment details. I still haven’t had a reply from my neighbour.

What do we do? I’ve asked other neighbours and they won’t have him. My parents are having our dogs while we are away but are not willing to take the neighbours dog as well.

A friend has suggested I drop him at our local vets which is the vet my neighbour uses but I don’t think they would be ok with that. Another friend said if it comes to it to call the rspca, explain the situation and say he’s basically been abandoned.

I’m so stressed. I know my neighbour has lost her mum but we are not missing our holiday.

OP posts:
FinallyDecided · Today 07:24

Of course maxslice wouldn't cancel her holiday, maxslice is the neighbour.

I used to be a people pleaser and doormat too and it's insane how much I got taken advantage of, and even more insane how much anger and pushback I got after I grew a spine. From people much like maxslice.

anonymum24 · Today 07:27

HarshbutTrue2 · Today 05:16

Many posters are heartless and cruel. If it was a child they probably would have dumped it in a field or the local hospital.

It's just proof of what a nasty uncaring society we have become.

Poor dog, it's owners have disappeared. It has been pushed from pillar to post. It is probably now in the local pound waiting to be put down and it's owner doesn't know where it is and has been blocked from finding out.

Yet all of that it totally acceptable in the warped world of mumsnet. I think this thread is ripe for Facebook or a lurid red top newspaper.

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If any of this happens the only person to blame is the owner who hasn’t bothered to make adequate provisions for their dog. They have ignored it and made it the ops problem when they barely even have a relationship with her. Direct your guilt tripping at the owner not the op.

SpaceRaccoon · Today 07:55

No-one will be putting the dog down in a week, that's fantasy.

Monkeypuppy · Today 08:11

If the neighbour is able to arrange a funeral then she's capable of making a call about her dog.

The neighbour has known since last Sunday that the Op's house would be empty from Friday onwards because the Op was going on holiday. The Op reminded her of this on Wednesday morning. The neighbour ignored this information. This is not the behaviour of a caring, responsible owner.

Even in distressing situations responsible owners just don't forget about the wellbeing of their pets.

The only person coming across as uncaring in this scenario is the dog's owner.

It's shocking to those of us who love our dogs that someone could show such little concern for their pet. I was in hospital recently and despite the concern about my health, I was worried about my dog and ensuring she was looked after. Posters here have already described terrible tragedies in their families but they made sure their pets were looked after, despite their anguish. Grief and worry doesn't cancel out the love you have for pets or absolve you of your responsibility towards them.

The Op helped her neighbour when she was able to do so, but it's the neighbour who is at fault here by not arranging alternative care when she knew very well that the Op wouldn't be around after Friday. The neighbour knows that her dog has been left with his regular vet so she'll call the vets if she truly cares about her dog - I wonder if she will.

beAsensible1 · Today 08:11

Her friend is very cheeky, because if she’s got the wherewithal to talk to you then they can take over sorting the dog. Absolutely out of order from both of them.

happy you got it sorted and good for blocking her.

crystalego · Today 08:14

Apricotdog · Yesterday 22:50

Dropping the dog to the vet without giving owners details, pretending not to know who the dogs owner is, is awful, the OP knows the owner, they are not a stranger, surely the right to have done explain the situation, give contact details of owner to get, not pretend to not know the dog.

The OP said that the kennels wanted a part payment/initial payment, I would have paid it just to get the dog to a safe place, then the owner would have to pay the balance on collection.

Dumping the dog at the vets and not passing the owners details is what I had issue with. This isn’t a stranger, this is a neighbour.

You CANNOT just drop a random dog at kennels without vaccination certificates or booking them in advance, how many times do people have to tell you this? you are talking absolute shite.

Secondly, the OP said the vet knows who the dog belongs to.

Why are you just making stuff up now?

Whaleandsnail6 · Today 08:16

HarshbutTrue2 · Today 05:33

She is in Scotland. She went there on a plane. This means it is a long way from where she lives.

She is arranging her mother's funeral. This means she is upset and grieving. I dont know how long it takes to organise a funeral in Scotland. It is often 3 weeks in England. This means she could be in Scotland for 3 weeks.

It appears that the dog's owner has not got much money. At this time, she may not be able to retrieve the dog from the pound.

Yes, the owner should have got in touch and tried to make arrangements. Everyone on mumsnet would have easily have organised kennels from hundreds of miles away whilst in the middle of organising a funeral.

However, two wrongs do not make a right.

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So in your eyes, what should op have done?

Cancel her holiday?

Op couldn't/didn't leave the dog alone.

She tried to get care for it via her own family and the neighbours... noone would take it.

She tried to book kennel but neighbour ignored her. Usually kennel needs vaccination card and part payment on booking. They also need to know how long dog would be there for, which op didn't know. My kennel is £36 a night...I couldn't afford to pay that for my neighbours pet if she refused to pay ot back.

What other options did op have to what she did?

What would you have done in this scenario that op didn't?

I think op did the only thing left available to her to ensure the dog was safe

SpaceRaccoon · Today 08:22

It appears that the dog's owner has not got much money. At this time, she may not be able to retrieve the dog from the pound.

Be a lot cheaper than kennels. Anyway, not OPs problem, she's already done the woman a massive favour.

beAsensible1 · Today 08:24

maxslice · Yesterday 21:14

Now, she’s going to have another shock since the dog has been taken away. Who knows how it came to be with her in the first place? She’ll come home to compounded grief. But she shouldn’t come here for any understanding or sympathy.

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Then either she or her relative should’ve dealt with issue rather than ignoring her obligations to the life she chose to be responsible for.

the entitlement of completely ignoring someone and not dealing with your dog. Is out of order. The favour came with a hard ending that she was aware of.

any consequence is completely her own doing and no one else’s.

Bookbears · Today 08:25

I’m commenting on page 26 on this thread so this may have already been suggested, but just in case it hasn’t - can’t you message the person who messaged you to tell you that it wasn’t a good time, and tell them they can sort it out for your neighbour instead?

countrygirl99 · Today 08:29

Perhaps Maxslice could go and pick up the dog and look after it while the owner is away given they are all heart.

Whaleandsnail6 · Today 08:33

HarshbutTrue2 · Yesterday 18:28

I wish id picked up this post earlier.
I was in a similar situation years ago.
I went to my local animal charity, explained the situation, they were very sympathetic and agreed to look after the dog whilst I was on holiday. I was so grateful to them.

When I returned there was no charge! They are a charity not a boarding kennels. They said i could give a voluntary donation if I felt like it.

I honestly can't remember what happened regarding vaccinations. I would have paid to have had him vaccinated if they had asked me to.

The dog went in under my name and address. The owner was in hospital.

I think it was a bit shitty to dump the dog on the vet. What is the vet supposed to do about it? He is neither a charity or a boarding kennels.
It was very shitty to pretend that you didn't know who the dog was.

The dog will probably end up with the dog warden and may be pts. Personally, I couldn't live with myself if that happened. I know 60% of mumsnet would think that would be an acceptable outcome.
I would be heartbroken if my dog was pts whilst I was arranging my mother's funeral.

Whatever, i forecast an almighty row when the neighbour returns from Scotland.

Our 2 local dog charities are often on Facebook saying how full and closed to intake they are so doubt they could have taken a dog that has an owner, free of charge for however long was needed. They are also constantly putting posts on Facebook saying how skint they are and they are struggling to make ends meet

Charities shouldnt have to be expected to pick up the pieces and fincances when someone doesn't bother to sort out appropriate care for their pets. Op did a kind thing and left the neighbour/neighbours family plenty of time to make arrangements if neighbour was too distraught to think.

Op has done the most responsible thing. She has ensured the dog is in a safe place and the neighbour just needs to ring the vets to arrange what happens next/find out where the dog is. Even if neighbour can't pick it up yet, she can make arrangements with the kennel wherever the dog is as long as she doesn't keep ignoring the situation

EvieBB · Today 08:37

Pedaling · Yesterday 07:06

You probably won't. However as I said many rescues won't take a dog on the same day unfortunately so you're left with few options. A dog warden might come and get him but again it depends on how busy they are and what you tell them.

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Plus, if it goes to a rescue can the owner not get him back?

Sartre · Today 08:40

You did the right thing OP, anyone with common sense can see that. Of course you shouldn’t have to pay hundreds to house someone else’s dog while you go away. She’s obviously grieving and not thinking straight but equally should have sorted her dog or delegated the job to someone else.

My only concern if you like is how tense and awkward the neighbourly situation will now be.

KitchenFaust · Today 08:41

The woman is obviously having a bad reaction to her mother’s death. Some kindness is called for. Just pay for the kennels jeez, you’re parents are clearly as rigid as you are

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · Today 08:42

HoraceCope · Today 07:19

i am surprised the op's parents didnt take the dog.
seems a far fetched story even without that detail

That's not at all surprising. I don't have dogs but, with notice, I'd look after a known dog or two for a known period. I wouldn't take in an unknown dog for an unknown period, and take on the responsibility of trying to get it back to its owner.

PinkEasterbunny · Today 08:43

I was devastated when my mum died, but i still managed to care for my cat

B1anche · Today 08:44

KitchenFaust · Today 08:41

The woman is obviously having a bad reaction to her mother’s death. Some kindness is called for. Just pay for the kennels jeez, you’re parents are clearly as rigid as you are

As others have said, it is unlikely kennels would have space at this time of year at such short notice and that certainly wouldn't accept a dog without proof of vaccination.

So you would have cancelled your holiday and lost possibly thousands of pounds in doing do? That is amazing. Good on you. 🙄

PloddingAlong21 · Today 08:45

OP you’ve done the right thing. If the Vets wouldn’t take him I would have down rspca too. It’s care for irrelevant of where it is and you should not have to pay.

Yes she’s going through a tragic time but it is no excuse. She can pull herself together for 5 minutes. If she can’t do that she can’t physically care for him either, so vets/rspca was the right call.

The fact she got a relative to call you and they couldn’t help coordinate care or pay for kennels is also a Mickey take.

Have a great holiday and don’t engage with the neighbour. If I was her I would be profusely apologising on my return.

Whaleandsnail6 · Today 08:47

KitchenFaust · Today 08:41

The woman is obviously having a bad reaction to her mother’s death. Some kindness is called for. Just pay for the kennels jeez, you’re parents are clearly as rigid as you are

The kennel I use is £36 a night...I couldn't afford to pay that on behalf of my neighbour for an unknown amount of time.

The neighbour is obviously with at least one family member since they have already contacted op. If neighbour is too distraught to speak, the family should have responded to op to come up with a solution. You can't just dump your pet on someone, who has already done you a huge favour, because you are grieving

Htcunya · Today 08:48

KitchenFaust · Today 08:41

The woman is obviously having a bad reaction to her mother’s death. Some kindness is called for. Just pay for the kennels jeez, you’re parents are clearly as rigid as you are

Ludicrous post. Have you read any of the posts explaining why the dog wouldn't be able to go into kennels, even if OP had been able or willing to pay the hundreds of pounds, possibly thousand, it would cost?
OP has more than one dog. Her parents might well not feel able to look after several.
The neighbour was very fortunate that OP was able to help her at all, but you probably think she and her family should have cancelled their holiday to care for the dog.🙄

Wheresthebeach · Today 08:48

Of course the OP can’t cancel her holiday and no way should she pay kennel fees. Shocking that people think she should or can, spend hundreds on someone else’s dog. The owner is responsible and the response to the OP texts is awful and manipulative. I hope OP enjoys her holiday

LilyBunch25 · Today 09:03

maxslice · Yesterday 21:14

Now, she’s going to have another shock since the dog has been taken away. Who knows how it came to be with her in the first place? She’ll come home to compounded grief. But she shouldn’t come here for any understanding or sympathy.

Show quote history

Indeed no. Let's blame the OP instead for a situation she never asked for when initially trying to help....?

redboxer321 · Today 09:16

KitchenFaust · Today 08:41

The woman is obviously having a bad reaction to her mother’s death. Some kindness is called for. Just pay for the kennels jeez, you’re parents are clearly as rigid as you are

Not only the woman but the woman's relative too.

redboxer321 · Today 09:24

SpaceRaccoon · Today 07:55

No-one will be putting the dog down in a week, that's fantasy.

That's not fantasy I'm sorry to say but fact for some dogs who end up in council pounds.
Very much hope this is not the fate for this dog but, if it is, it will be the fault of no one but the owner. The OP had done all she could.
Kennels - no chance at this time and she wouldn't have had the vacs record in any case.
Charities - full to busting.
Neighbours said no.
Parents said no.
Easy to judge (especially as it would have helped their daughter out) but we don't know their circumstances. Or what kind of dog it is and if they were even able to look after it.
Vet (who the dog was registered with) was the best option. And just once more as it doesn't seem to have got through, we don't know what the OP said to the vet, but there is nothing to suggest that she pretended to not know the dog!

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