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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed about this situation with neighbour and her dog?

827 replies

CantGetBackToSleep · 07/08/2026 06:37

I’m lying awake because I don’t know what to do about this situation.

On Sunday our neighbour came to see us visibly upset. Her mum had been taken into hospital and she had been told to get there asap. Her mum lives in Scotland and we are in the South of England so she was panicking about getting there on time and also about who would look after her dog. We helped her book a flight as she was in a state shaking and in no state to think properly. She asked if we could have her dog for a few days. Reluctantly we agreed but said we were leaving to go on holiday on Friday evening so she would need to make other arrangements by Friday morning for him. We went and collected the dog and he has been with us since. We have our own dogs and they are all getting on well.

Our neighbour text me on Monday to say her mum had died. We had a brief text conversation and obviously I said how sorry I was to hear about her mum.

I text her on Wednesday morning to say that I know she has a lot to deal with but we really need to know what she’s doing about her dog as we are due to go away. I didn’t hear anything so I text her again yesterday to ask what she wanted us to do with the dog and got a text from another of her relatives from her phone saying our neighbour is very upset and isn’t in the right place to sort this out. I replied to say I understood but that when we agreed to have the dog, it was on the condition that she made other arrangements for the dog by Friday morning as we are due to go on holiday. I didn’t get a reply. I tried to call last night but it went to voicemail. I had already called our nearest boarding kennels who do have space so I told her on the voicemail that I could drop him at kennels but she needs to give them her payment details. I still haven’t had a reply from my neighbour.

What do we do? I’ve asked other neighbours and they won’t have him. My parents are having our dogs while we are away but are not willing to take the neighbours dog as well.

A friend has suggested I drop him at our local vets which is the vet my neighbour uses but I don’t think they would be ok with that. Another friend said if it comes to it to call the rspca, explain the situation and say he’s basically been abandoned.

I’m so stressed. I know my neighbour has lost her mum but we are not missing our holiday.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 07/08/2026 09:36

Sahara123 · 07/08/2026 09:28

I don’t see what the vet can do, you can’t just leave it there !
Probably a bit late now, but dogs trust and rspca do dog fostering according to Google.

I don’t suppose they can stop you just leaving it there, however i frequently see posts in Facebook from vets saying an animal has been handed in. I guess they are very familiar with the protocol of what to do if the animal is not swiftly claimed

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/08/2026 09:36

If you have the time I’d drop him to a kennel and send her the bill. The cheek of her.

pearpudding · 07/08/2026 09:36

As for neighbour - no more chances.

Only one more text needs to be sent to the neighbour and that is advising her of whatever place OP has already relinquished the dog to:

'Spot has been collected by dog warden/left with vet.'

End of.

You've gone above and beyond, OP. Enjoy your holiday.

Foolish1984 · 07/08/2026 09:37

PersephoneParlormaid · 07/08/2026 06:43

I agree, call the animal rescue places locally to you. And send another text saying that you’re doing so.
I think that if they can’t help I’d ring the non emergency police number, and if absolutely necessary, because I don’t want to miss my holiday, I’d consider putting it in kennels. But I’m sure you need vaccination history, so not sure you could do that.
She really is taking the piss, death of parent or not.

Edited

Police?! Don’t be so utterly ridiculous dogs are not within the police’s remit ffs! This isn’t primary school and the police are not the teachers!

Foolish1984 · 07/08/2026 09:38

Call the dog warden and say you’ve found him/her wandering

onesinglepringle · 07/08/2026 09:39

CantGetBackToSleep · 07/08/2026 07:52

The kennels want at least part payment upfront so I won’t be taking him there unless my neighbour pays them.

I have left another message to say we will be taking him to the vet this morning if she doesn’t pay the kennels or arrange for him to be collected from us.

Yeah that's what I would do.

You've given them fair warning. I'd probably try to call as well. If you can't get through, that's all you can do.

It's not your dog, you can't miss your holiday over this.

NCForOneNightOnly · 07/08/2026 09:40

Foolish1984 · 07/08/2026 09:37

Police?! Don’t be so utterly ridiculous dogs are not within the police’s remit ffs! This isn’t primary school and the police are not the teachers!

No, but they do have kennels and they do use them for stray dogs.

Superhansrantowindsor · 07/08/2026 09:42

Dear friend
As you know we are going on holiday today. I have asked locally for someone to look after the dog but have drawn a blank. The kennels will take him but need payment up front. If I don’t hear from you by …… then unfortunately I will have to take dog to the vets where he will be classed as abandoned. I will happily take dog to kennels if payment can be arranged but given all current circumstances I can’t do anymore.

Foolish1984 · 07/08/2026 09:42

She’s probably gone away, some people really don’t care about their animals. The poodle my mum rescued, was found in a locked backyard of an empty house, in deepest winter, 4 days after they moved out!

PretendToBeToastWithMe · 07/08/2026 09:42

I can’t believe so many people think you should pay kennel fees! Def not you’ll never see that money again! Send a message and say as she’s not collecting him by the agreed upon time you’re going to need to take him to the dog warden. They will hold him for 7 days and give her the chance to collect him. If she doesn’t he’ll be placed for adoption. Poor dog.

Horses7 · 07/08/2026 09:42

Even though your neighbour must be extremely upset she is not being fair to you and has abandoned her dog without much thought.
An animal shelter/RSPCA is all you can do.
You’ve been a very good neighbour I hope she appreciates your above and beyond help!

liveforsummer · 07/08/2026 09:43

Foolish1984 · 07/08/2026 09:37

Police?! Don’t be so utterly ridiculous dogs are not within the police’s remit ffs! This isn’t primary school and the police are not the teachers!

It can be the police remit out of office hours however these services take time op does not have

Barethe · 07/08/2026 09:43

My mum died three days ago. I’m perfectly capable of making arrangements for my dog. As is she, she just doesn’t want to.

leave the dog in the garden with plenty of water and shade and call the rspca/dog warden to inform them the dog has been abandoned (waiting until they arrive obviously).

LondonLass2026 · 07/08/2026 09:44

Chefpig · 07/08/2026 09:25

I actually wondered if her mum had died or it was just an excuse too. Cheeky fucker sounds the sort of person to do that.

Me three. I hate to say it but I did think it. Is there actually a deceased mother at all? Strange how the cousin has been making excuses for the woman. That's what you do when you're lying. Get someone to cover.

I hope I'm wrong!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/08/2026 09:50

NCForOneNightOnly · 07/08/2026 09:40

No, but they do have kennels and they do use them for stray dogs.

Until the dspca pick them up, abandoned dogs handed in, this dog technically isn’t a lost and found dog, they don’t hold them for people who are away.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 07/08/2026 09:50

Poor dog and poor you @CantGetBackToSleep for trying to do a good deed 😓

I’d be sending her a clear final message that you cannot look after the dog beyond x date and if you don’t have someone collect it you will have to take him to dog warden.

Appreicate it’s a sad time for her but she can’t just ditch all of her responsibilities to this animal onto you because she is having a hard time. Don’t pay kennel fees, you’ll never get it back.

x

Paganpentacle · 07/08/2026 09:52

anterenea · 07/08/2026 07:59

Geeze what's happened to kindness? I am sure OP can recoup the cost of kennels of vet charges from the owner

Are you mad?
You seriously think a woman who dumped her dog and is ignoring calls will reimburse OP?

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 07/08/2026 09:53

Also, call her one last time from no caller ID and see if she picks up to have an actual conversation?

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 07/08/2026 09:53

The vet will have to inform dog warden, who will then take the dog. They then keep them for 7 days and, if unclaimed, will let a rescue have it or, if none of the rescues have space for it, in most areas will euthanise it and neighbour will then be twice bereaved.

Ialwaysthoughtitwasadojo · 07/08/2026 09:53

Even with grief I find you are still aware of your responsibilities and actually it can weirdly help to HAVE to look after children/pets etc. I'd message to say you're leaving now, the dog is in her house and it's up to her to sort it out.

Necessity of the mother of all invention, she'll suddenly find a way then.

Onegingerhead · 07/08/2026 09:54

Don't think it was all plotted to dump the dog. I do believe the woman is in state and probably isn't capable of making the arrangements for the dog. Her relatives, though, are. They just don't care..
Dog warden/vets sound like the only option.

TheSmellOfSea · 07/08/2026 09:55

That's shocking. You should be excited about going away not stressing over her dog.

I know it's sad she's lost her mum but she's an irresponsible dog owner.

liverpoolgal82 · 07/08/2026 09:56

I would say that kennel fee needs to be paid in the next half hour or kennels are assuming it’s abandoned and will call rspca. So it takes heat off you a bit perhaps thigh I’d be so angry I wouldn’t care what she thinks. I’d tell her youlll never help out again.

penelopepocket · 07/08/2026 09:57

DoloresDelEriba · 07/08/2026 09:34

Cinnamon Trust will help

I’m not sure they will in this circumstance. They would need the owner to engage, first of all. Then you’d be relying on there being a volunteer available today who is close enough to collect the dog.
The owner may not even be eligible for their services - is she elderly / disabled/ terminally ill?
I also believe that the CT now charge for their services.

Op think another attempt to call, then a firm text saying you’ve done all you can and you’ll now be dropping the dog off at the dog warden.

Skippyasyermuni · 07/08/2026 09:57

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 07/08/2026 09:53

The vet will have to inform dog warden, who will then take the dog. They then keep them for 7 days and, if unclaimed, will let a rescue have it or, if none of the rescues have space for it, in most areas will euthanise it and neighbour will then be twice bereaved.

And all the neighbour needs to do to avoid that is call the kennels and give them her card details, or ask one of her family members to call on her behalf is she isn’t capable of picking up the phone.

This will sound awful but her mum died, not her child. Every one of us knows that one day, our parents will die - we’re biologically programmed for that. She is behaving really badly by abandoning her dog and ignoring all communication about it, especially as she clearly has other family around her. One of them can book the kennels.

It is entirely out of order to expect a neighbour to lose thousands of pounds on a holiday because you can’t pick up the phone and sort out dog care. If she loses her dog because of this, she has no one to blame by herself.