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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed about this situation with neighbour and her dog?

731 replies

CantGetBackToSleep · Yesterday 06:37

I’m lying awake because I don’t know what to do about this situation.

On Sunday our neighbour came to see us visibly upset. Her mum had been taken into hospital and she had been told to get there asap. Her mum lives in Scotland and we are in the South of England so she was panicking about getting there on time and also about who would look after her dog. We helped her book a flight as she was in a state shaking and in no state to think properly. She asked if we could have her dog for a few days. Reluctantly we agreed but said we were leaving to go on holiday on Friday evening so she would need to make other arrangements by Friday morning for him. We went and collected the dog and he has been with us since. We have our own dogs and they are all getting on well.

Our neighbour text me on Monday to say her mum had died. We had a brief text conversation and obviously I said how sorry I was to hear about her mum.

I text her on Wednesday morning to say that I know she has a lot to deal with but we really need to know what she’s doing about her dog as we are due to go away. I didn’t hear anything so I text her again yesterday to ask what she wanted us to do with the dog and got a text from another of her relatives from her phone saying our neighbour is very upset and isn’t in the right place to sort this out. I replied to say I understood but that when we agreed to have the dog, it was on the condition that she made other arrangements for the dog by Friday morning as we are due to go on holiday. I didn’t get a reply. I tried to call last night but it went to voicemail. I had already called our nearest boarding kennels who do have space so I told her on the voicemail that I could drop him at kennels but she needs to give them her payment details. I still haven’t had a reply from my neighbour.

What do we do? I’ve asked other neighbours and they won’t have him. My parents are having our dogs while we are away but are not willing to take the neighbours dog as well.

A friend has suggested I drop him at our local vets which is the vet my neighbour uses but I don’t think they would be ok with that. Another friend said if it comes to it to call the rspca, explain the situation and say he’s basically been abandoned.

I’m so stressed. I know my neighbour has lost her mum but we are not missing our holiday.

OP posts:
Offherrockingchair · Yesterday 07:35

I’d message her and say you’re leaving the dog in her garden as you’re off, as discussed when you kindly agreed to take care of it last
minute.

JulietteHasAGun · Yesterday 07:34

Blueberrybonanza · Yesterday 07:22

Personally i would take it to her vets and say you found it running in the road
If it has a ID tag on say there was no answer on the number and you left a message with no response

Good idea. It’ll be safe then.

dippy567 · Yesterday 07:34

Ask on local fb group explaining situation to ask if anyone can look after it, and then just give contact details to neighbour of where its gone?

Not your responsibility and you've beem helpful having it in the first place.

Appreciate she's going through a difficult spot, but she could ask someone else to sort with you ' or just confirm she'll pay kennels fees.

Credittocress · Yesterday 07:34

I’d be surprised if the kennels would take them, normally you need to drop them off with their vaccination record and presumably you don’t have this?

Tel12 · Yesterday 07:33

I doubt a kennel would take a dog without vaccination record. There's no excuse for your neighbours behaviour. I would be phoning her continuously. I'm thinking RSPCA or Dogs Trust are the way to go. She has effectively abandoned her dog.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · Yesterday 07:32

This is wild, what an awful situation she's left you in! I'd call the vet ASAP, hoping they'll hold onto it until the neighbour gets her act together. Or the vet might know someone who can provide temporary foster care.

WhatAMarvelousTune · Yesterday 07:29

CantGetBackToSleep · Yesterday 06:50

I’m torn between thinking she’s grieving and not thinking straight, and thinking she’s an irresponsible twat who has now caused us a big problem.

I think she’s both. If you have a responsibility like a dog, you don’t get to just abandon that responsibility, whatever happens. It’s not a houseplant she’s forgotten to water.

If she really can’t, then the relative who texted you should do it! I cannot imagine being the relative and sending that text rather than sorting it myself, if the owner really had gone to pieces.

Walkerzoo · Yesterday 07:25

We have to pay at kennels cash on collection. Text to say where dog is and leave her to it.

RunningJo · Yesterday 07:24

Loss or not her behaviour is awful.

The poor dog

What a shit situation she’s put you in, hope you get something sorted

ZenNudist · Yesterday 07:23

Her vets best idea to make sure dog is looked after. Surely you are running out of time?

PurpleCoo · Yesterday 07:23

I would try the Cinnamon Trust.

Frumpitydoo · Yesterday 07:23

She can be grieving and not thinking straight but also being a selfish arsehole. These two things aren't mutually exclusive. Takevthe dog to the rescue place.

Blueberrybonanza · Yesterday 07:22

Personally i would take it to her vets and say you found it running in the road
If it has a ID tag on say there was no answer on the number and you left a message with no response

JaspersCarrott · Yesterday 07:22

If you dont have a key for the house, but her garden is secure, I would put the dog in her garden and call the RSPCA or dog warden and say you are concerned that its been abandoned at home.
Text her to tell her what you've done - its then up to her to come home, get someone else to collect the dog, or let the RSPCA deal with it.
Have a lovely holiday

AlphaApple · Yesterday 07:21

Local dog warden as an abandoned dog?

Give her one last chance and then treat it as abandoned. Poor thing.

crystalego · Yesterday 07:21

LaurieFairyCake · Yesterday 07:10

I would drop him at HER VET. They will contact her and she will respond to them as shes clearly been hoping you will just keep him/sort it out.

its far more likely she will respond to the vet as they are a professional contacting her with a clear ‘we will keep the dog at a cost of £200 per overnight or get the dog warden to collect it’

definitely the vets

This is a good idea.

I've lost both my parents - neither time did I abandon or neglect my dog.

She is massively taking the piss and grief isnt an excuse for abandoning a living creature who depends on you

sesquipedalian · Yesterday 07:20

Sadly, OP, this is just another example that supports the adage “no good deed goes unpunished.” Irrespective of her mother’s death, your neighbour is being staggeringly irresponsible. Do whatever you have to with her dog - but don’t jeopardise your holiday.

ForWiseRoseCat · Yesterday 07:18

I don't get this what responsible pet owner doesn't make arrangements for their pet. I don't care if her mother has died, her responsibility right now is to her dog.

What is she doing whilst in Scotland that means she can't take 5 minutes to call a kennels or make arrangements for her dog, she can't be that overcome by grief that she's lost the use of her voice or unable to make a call. The fact she got a relative to text back says it all.

She is taking the piss. Even if you put it in kennels I doubt you'd see your money again so I'd take it to the vets and let them contact her.

Likeiloveyou · Yesterday 07:18

I would send a message saying you are dropping the dog at RSPCA if it isn’t collected by X time.

ThatGreenCrab · Yesterday 07:17

Could you call the local call dog warden and pretend you found a "lost" dog?

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · Yesterday 07:16

Fieldday26 · Yesterday 07:15

I would give her one last text and say if you dont sort out kennels in the next hour you will call the dog warden. Dog wardens only keep the dogs for 7 days (they will be charged for this when they collect the dog as well). If not collected in 7 days they either PTS or rehome.

Dog warden is also a good idea - I always forget they are a thing

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · Yesterday 07:16

To be honest I would just take the dog back to her house and message her to say that as she didn’t tell you what was happening, you assume she is coming back for the dog. It’s at home and you’ll see her when she gets back. I’m sure she’ll suddenly jump to action - she won’t want it just in her house on its own for an indeterminant amount of time. Amazing what people can sort when it affects them or a thing they love

Fieldday26 · Yesterday 07:15

I would give her one last text and say if you dont sort out kennels in the next hour you will call the dog warden. Dog wardens only keep the dogs for 7 days (they will be charged for this when they collect the dog as well). If not collected in 7 days they either PTS or rehome.

AgentKim · Yesterday 07:11

LaurieFairyCake · Yesterday 07:10

I would drop him at HER VET. They will contact her and she will respond to them as shes clearly been hoping you will just keep him/sort it out.

its far more likely she will respond to the vet as they are a professional contacting her with a clear ‘we will keep the dog at a cost of £200 per overnight or get the dog warden to collect it’

definitely the vets

Yes good idea.

LaurieFairyCake · Yesterday 07:10

I would drop him at HER VET. They will contact her and she will respond to them as shes clearly been hoping you will just keep him/sort it out.

its far more likely she will respond to the vet as they are a professional contacting her with a clear ‘we will keep the dog at a cost of £200 per overnight or get the dog warden to collect it’

definitely the vets