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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed about this situation with neighbour and her dog?

767 replies

CantGetBackToSleep · 07/08/2026 06:37

I’m lying awake because I don’t know what to do about this situation.

On Sunday our neighbour came to see us visibly upset. Her mum had been taken into hospital and she had been told to get there asap. Her mum lives in Scotland and we are in the South of England so she was panicking about getting there on time and also about who would look after her dog. We helped her book a flight as she was in a state shaking and in no state to think properly. She asked if we could have her dog for a few days. Reluctantly we agreed but said we were leaving to go on holiday on Friday evening so she would need to make other arrangements by Friday morning for him. We went and collected the dog and he has been with us since. We have our own dogs and they are all getting on well.

Our neighbour text me on Monday to say her mum had died. We had a brief text conversation and obviously I said how sorry I was to hear about her mum.

I text her on Wednesday morning to say that I know she has a lot to deal with but we really need to know what she’s doing about her dog as we are due to go away. I didn’t hear anything so I text her again yesterday to ask what she wanted us to do with the dog and got a text from another of her relatives from her phone saying our neighbour is very upset and isn’t in the right place to sort this out. I replied to say I understood but that when we agreed to have the dog, it was on the condition that she made other arrangements for the dog by Friday morning as we are due to go on holiday. I didn’t get a reply. I tried to call last night but it went to voicemail. I had already called our nearest boarding kennels who do have space so I told her on the voicemail that I could drop him at kennels but she needs to give them her payment details. I still haven’t had a reply from my neighbour.

What do we do? I’ve asked other neighbours and they won’t have him. My parents are having our dogs while we are away but are not willing to take the neighbours dog as well.

A friend has suggested I drop him at our local vets which is the vet my neighbour uses but I don’t think they would be ok with that. Another friend said if it comes to it to call the rspca, explain the situation and say he’s basically been abandoned.

I’m so stressed. I know my neighbour has lost her mum but we are not missing our holiday.

OP posts:
Bluffinwithmymuffin · 07/08/2026 08:09

anterenea · 07/08/2026 07:59

Geeze what's happened to kindness? I am sure OP can recoup the cost of kennels of vet charges from the owner

How on earth are you sure the OP can recoup the cost from her neighbour, a person who’s already proved themselves pretty inconsiderate at best?

Mylovelygreendress · 07/08/2026 08:08

Why is it that nowadays everyone has to be kind even when someone is being unreasonable / difficult etc ?
How long does it take someone ( even someone grieving) to send a quick message ?

Kimmers4334 · 07/08/2026 08:08

Kittybelle123 · 07/08/2026 08:01

If you do end up making a part payment at the kennels I hope you can do it in cash so that they don’t have your payment details on record. I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP after having such a genuinely kind thing 💐

This was what I was thinking too. But I suppose they probably don’t accept cash for the exact reason that they wouldn’t have a card on file to charge. Either way, I think the friendship is probably over and I assume they were reasonably close for her to ask about the dog in the first place

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/08/2026 08:08

Svelty · 07/08/2026 08:06

I’d be surprised if a vet would take a dog in this scenario but the threat of it might work.

A vet will not. But the dog warden likely will.

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/08/2026 08:07

Your council will have a number for the local dog warden. Call them, explain the issue. Give them your neighbour's details. Message your neighbour to say the dog is with the dog warden and to call them.

Mute/ block at least for the duration of your holiday.

CatamaranViper · 07/08/2026 08:07

OP, vets is definitely the best choice imo.
What is your neighbour like? Are they the sort of person who will (unjustifiably) slate you all over socials? If so, keep some screenshots of your messages/call logs etc just in case.

Svelty · 07/08/2026 08:06

I’d be surprised if a vet would take a dog in this scenario but the threat of it might work.

Bridgertonisbest · 07/08/2026 08:06

Depending on how well I knew the neighbour I might text her and say that we’re going on holiday TODAY. She has 2 hours to let us know what she wants to do with the dog otherwise I’ll drop it off to the dog warden.

Im sympathetic to her losing her mother but you don’t get to absolve yourself of responsibilities when you lose a loved one. You can’t just shrug and say “I can’t deal with this right now” and expect others to change everything to suit you.

imagine claiming on the insurance “cancelled holiday because neighbour didn’t pick up their dog!”

AHGiraffe · 07/08/2026 08:06

Take to any vet say you’ve found him wandering can they scan him and find owner? Surely she will answer to them?

menopausequeen · 07/08/2026 08:05

I think you’re being very harsh.
she’s obviously grief stricken.
i agree you shouldn’t miss your holiday but try and be kinder to her.
what about getting the local dog warden to take the dog or else asking your parents to reconsider
She’s not done this maliciously

QueenCamillaMW · 07/08/2026 08:05

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That's such a sickly sweet, passive aggressive response.

Don't be so nasty.

IronEverything · 07/08/2026 08:05

anterenea · 07/08/2026 07:59

Geeze what's happened to kindness? I am sure OP can recoup the cost of kennels of vet charges from the owner

Allowing someone to run up a kennel bill that you are liable for and could easily be four figures isn't kindness, it's stupidity. And I'm bloody certain she wouldn't see a penny back.

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/08/2026 08:05

ThisHeartySloth · 07/08/2026 07:52

I wonder if there’s another neighbour who would take over? It would make things easier to organise. I can’t believe the neighbour has done this though. And I can’t believe their relative has not stepped in to help.

OP said no earlier. But also, given the neighbour is ghosting OP as a neighbour I would avoid.

pictoosh · 07/08/2026 08:04

AlphaApple · 07/08/2026 07:53

If you want to be a real bitch you could put the dog on your local Facebook page offering it out to randoms, saying it’s been abandoned and tag your neighbour.

That's being a mad bitch.

CatamaranViper · 07/08/2026 08:04

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Don't be so patronising, you just make yourself look even more daft and antagonistic.

MummyJ36 · 07/08/2026 08:03

It’s very odd that the family member who messaged you didn’t think to help with this at all. I hope you manage to get the dog cared for OP.

jeaux90 · 07/08/2026 08:02

CantGetBackToSleep · 07/08/2026 07:52

The kennels want at least part payment upfront so I won’t be taking him there unless my neighbour pays them.

I have left another message to say we will be taking him to the vet this morning if she doesn’t pay the kennels or arrange for him to be collected from us.

Thing is though OP does the kennel even have the poor dog’s vaccinations etc it won’t take it if not anyway. So yes I guess her vet is the best choice.

BMW58 · 07/08/2026 08:02

If you're in Hampshire I'll look after it while you're away

ChamonixMountainBum · 07/08/2026 08:01

Poor doggy. My sympathies OP

BoldNavyCritic · 07/08/2026 08:01

Several posters have mentioned the Cinnamon Trust but not explained what it is. It's a charity that fosters pets for people who are in too poor health to keep them, can do short or longer term support depending on whether the owner is likely to recover. I agree that they are your best bet as they may have a local volunteer who can step in urgently. I'd try them ASAP and consider the vet as a backup, but the vet is not set up for this and how helpful they can be will vary very much between practices, whereas obviously this is the sort of thing that the Cinnamon Trust deals with all the time (albeit most people are more responsible than this!)

Kittybelle123 · 07/08/2026 08:01

If you do end up making a part payment at the kennels I hope you can do it in cash so that they don’t have your payment details on record. I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP after having such a genuinely kind thing 💐

anterenea · 07/08/2026 08:01

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Noshowlomo · 07/08/2026 08:01

Oh wow! How irresponsible of her.
Taking the dog to its own vet is a good idea. They’ll be on at contacting her, and will bill her if necessary

anterenea · 07/08/2026 08:00

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WhatsHerNameThingummy · 07/08/2026 07:59

Poor dog. She might be in Scotland for weeks - you can’t kennel it.

You did her a lovey good turn. I can only assume she’s fallen to pieces. It’s the relative I blame - they should have stepped in to help. When she gets her head together your neighbour is going to feel a million times worse for abandoning her dog.

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