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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about this situation with neighbour and her dog?

767 replies

CantGetBackToSleep · 07/08/2026 06:37

I’m lying awake because I don’t know what to do about this situation.

On Sunday our neighbour came to see us visibly upset. Her mum had been taken into hospital and she had been told to get there asap. Her mum lives in Scotland and we are in the South of England so she was panicking about getting there on time and also about who would look after her dog. We helped her book a flight as she was in a state shaking and in no state to think properly. She asked if we could have her dog for a few days. Reluctantly we agreed but said we were leaving to go on holiday on Friday evening so she would need to make other arrangements by Friday morning for him. We went and collected the dog and he has been with us since. We have our own dogs and they are all getting on well.

Our neighbour text me on Monday to say her mum had died. We had a brief text conversation and obviously I said how sorry I was to hear about her mum.

I text her on Wednesday morning to say that I know she has a lot to deal with but we really need to know what she’s doing about her dog as we are due to go away. I didn’t hear anything so I text her again yesterday to ask what she wanted us to do with the dog and got a text from another of her relatives from her phone saying our neighbour is very upset and isn’t in the right place to sort this out. I replied to say I understood but that when we agreed to have the dog, it was on the condition that she made other arrangements for the dog by Friday morning as we are due to go on holiday. I didn’t get a reply. I tried to call last night but it went to voicemail. I had already called our nearest boarding kennels who do have space so I told her on the voicemail that I could drop him at kennels but she needs to give them her payment details. I still haven’t had a reply from my neighbour.

What do we do? I’ve asked other neighbours and they won’t have him. My parents are having our dogs while we are away but are not willing to take the neighbours dog as well.

A friend has suggested I drop him at our local vets which is the vet my neighbour uses but I don’t think they would be ok with that. Another friend said if it comes to it to call the rspca, explain the situation and say he’s basically been abandoned.

I’m so stressed. I know my neighbour has lost her mum but we are not missing our holiday.

OP posts:
KamikazePigeon · 07/08/2026 08:22

I'd probably pay for the kennels if I could afford it, but I'm a soft touch. I'd definitely resent it.

Svelty · 07/08/2026 08:22

Newfluff · 07/08/2026 08:16

You can not force someone to look after a dog. That is preposterous.

Vet or dog warden and say the dog has been abandoned. Because it has.

Show quote history

No you cannot force someone to look after your property but in this case OP did agree to look after it and this is where it could get legally difficult about how and when you are giving the property (in this case a living animal) to someone else and how and when you have warned the owner of this. OP best speaking to dogs trust or similar.

pictoosh · 07/08/2026 08:22

That's IF the vet will take it.

heartsinvisiblefury · 07/08/2026 08:22

Do not pay for kennels OP. This is not your responsibility.

Anewuser · 07/08/2026 08:20

anterenea · 07/08/2026 07:59

Geeze what's happened to kindness? I am sure OP can recoup the cost of kennels of vet charges from the owner

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She has been incredibly kind, helping book the flight and taking in her dog.

Why are you so sure OP will get her money back. The neighbour can’t even be assed to reply to her message, let alone think of her own dog.

I have lost my parents but I didn’t shirk my responsibilities at home.

Sorry OP. You’ve been very kind but time to think of yourself now. You made it very clear what the expectation was. I would ring her, or the family member and make it clear once more. You are away today so you’ll be dropping the dog at the vets.

givemesteel · 07/08/2026 08:20

Wow, no good dead goes unpunished does it.

No one does this, family death or not. I don't know if vets take abandoned animals?

I would be looking at rspca,letting her know and giving the charity her contact details, and letting them know hopefully it is temporary whilst she's grieving. In that situation they're not going to rehome the dog in a few weeks when I'm sure they've got plenty of other dogs.

Newfluff · 07/08/2026 08:20

Kimmers4334 · 07/08/2026 08:19

OP can’t hand the dog over to a random internet stranger! It’s a kind thought but really not safe

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She can. I agree it isn't wise, but she has no responsibility for the dog.

Whatoflife · 07/08/2026 08:19

The rspca 100% will not help. Abandonment is if an animal is suffering of likely to suffer if circumstances don’t change. This dog has been left in the loving care of a neighbour. And if you threaten to let it go etc (not that I’m suggesting you are) then you’d be at fault, not owner. It’s not a vet’s job either.
I’d try dog warden but that’s a risk as if the owner doesn’t make contact there is a risk of pts although not for at least 28 days, probably more and depends what area you’re in and what the stray problem is like etc.
I think realistically partial payment upfront at kennels is the most sensible and humane decision. Albeit you risk losing your money.

Kimmers4334 · 07/08/2026 08:19

LumpyandBumps · 07/08/2026 08:15

Haven’t read the full thread, only OP’s posts.
OP can you give an approximate location?
There might be someone on here willing to look after the dog.
Yes I know it’s not your responsibility, etc but I am thinking of the poor dog who is in the middle of this and probably feeling quite bewildered already.

OP can’t hand the dog over to a random internet stranger! It’s a kind thought but really not safe

Newfluff · 07/08/2026 08:18

cocopuffy · 07/08/2026 08:14

I doubt the vet would take him? They don’t board animals unless they are unwell. I am assuming that you don’t wish for them to put the dog to sleep, as that’s surely all they can do?

Totally agree you can’t keep him or miss your holiday, but you need to take him to a rescue not to the vets. Can you also contact the person who told you to leave the neighbour alone to explain the situation and that you’ll be going to the rescue if alternative plans aren’t sorted?

Show quote history

The vet isn't going to PTS.

They will hold until the dog warden collects and holds for a minimum of 7 days.

Then the owner pays a fee or the dog goes to rescue if it is rehomable or PTS if not.

Kimmers4334 · 07/08/2026 08:17

Maybe it’s different in different places but my local vet does accept pets that need to be reunited. They do surgery so have overnight kennels out the back. I’m not sure if they would if OP explained the exact situation, but if she had found the dog wandering the street and didn’t know who it belonged to and was going on holiday that day…

Newfluff · 07/08/2026 08:16

Svelty · 07/08/2026 07:51

What are you planning to do then?

I once looked after a dog for a man in hospital and the vet wouldn’t treat him without the owner’s explicit consent. I doubt rescue would allow you to surrender someone else’s dog unless you were mistreating it although I don’t know this for certain so best to check with them if this is what you want to do. I imagine op and rescue could potentially be on pretty shaky legal ground.

Show quote history

You can not force someone to look after a dog. That is preposterous.

Vet or dog warden and say the dog has been abandoned. Because it has.

Nocameltoeleggingsplease · 07/08/2026 08:15

Very invested in this now OP; please update when you go on holiday!
The relationship with your neighbour is ruined now btw, but that’s not your fault.

LumpyandBumps · 07/08/2026 08:15

Haven’t read the full thread, only OP’s posts.
OP can you give an approximate location?
There might be someone on here willing to look after the dog.
Yes I know it’s not your responsibility, etc but I am thinking of the poor dog who is in the middle of this and probably feeling quite bewildered already.

cocopuffy · 07/08/2026 08:14

CantGetBackToSleep · 07/08/2026 07:52

The kennels want at least part payment upfront so I won’t be taking him there unless my neighbour pays them.

I have left another message to say we will be taking him to the vet this morning if she doesn’t pay the kennels or arrange for him to be collected from us.

I doubt the vet would take him? They don’t board animals unless they are unwell. I am assuming that you don’t wish for them to put the dog to sleep, as that’s surely all they can do?

Totally agree you can’t keep him or miss your holiday, but you need to take him to a rescue not to the vets. Can you also contact the person who told you to leave the neighbour alone to explain the situation and that you’ll be going to the rescue if alternative plans aren’t sorted?

KamikazePigeon · 07/08/2026 08:14

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/08/2026 08:13

No they will not. The owners will be notified. They have a week or so to collect/ arrange collection before they are then put up for adoption. They only face euthanasia if there are serious health/ behavioural problems and/or no one collects or adopts the dog.

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Oh, phew. I'm unreasonably worried about this dog. I'd take it myself if I wasn't in Scotland.

AsHot · 07/08/2026 08:14

Svelty · 07/08/2026 08:06

I’d be surprised if a vet would take a dog in this scenario but the threat of it might work.

I thought that. Have never been in this position myself, but aren't they private businesses that could just tell her to sod off?

pixiedust79 · 07/08/2026 08:14

menopausequeen · 07/08/2026 08:05

I think you’re being very harsh.
she’s obviously grief stricken.
i agree you shouldn’t miss your holiday but try and be kinder to her.
what about getting the local dog warden to take the dog or else asking your parents to reconsider
She’s not done this maliciously

OP is not being harsh at all! Grief stricken or not you can’t just abandon your responsibilities and make them somebody else’s problem.

Hope you manage to get somebody to take the dog OP and sorry your kindness and generosity have been taken advantage of.

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/08/2026 08:13

KamikazePigeon · 07/08/2026 08:11

Please, please don't call the dog warden, OP. The dog could end up euthanised.

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No they will not. The owners will be notified. They have a week or so to collect/ arrange collection before they are then put up for adoption. They only face euthanasia if there are serious health/ behavioural problems and/or no one collects or adopts the dog.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 07/08/2026 08:12

Get in touch with the RSPCA and explain the situation. They are there to advocate for animals, not just to prosecute people! The vets isn't the right place- at my surgery we dont keep animals overnight as noone there, and noone there ar weekends. Dogs Trust can also help in these emergency situations with finding foster care. Good luck!

Kimmers4334 · 07/08/2026 08:12

MummyJ36 · 07/08/2026 08:03

It’s very odd that the family member who messaged you didn’t think to help with this at all. I hope you manage to get the dog cared for OP.

I agree with this - they knew OP was going on holiday so they just didn’t care what happened to the dog. Grief isn’t really an excuse when the holiday was mentioned at the beginning

KamikazePigeon · 07/08/2026 08:11

EsmeSusanOgg · 07/08/2026 08:08

A vet will not. But the dog warden likely will.

Show quote history

Please, please don't call the dog warden, OP. The dog could end up euthanised.

menopausequeen · 07/08/2026 08:11

AlphaApple · 07/08/2026 07:53

If you want to be a real bitch you could put the dog on your local Facebook page offering it out to randoms, saying it’s been abandoned and tag your neighbour.

What an awful thing to do. For the dog and the bereaved neighbour.
what is happening in society you would even think of this

Bluffinwithmymuffin · 07/08/2026 08:11

menopausequeen · 07/08/2026 08:05

I think you’re being very harsh.
she’s obviously grief stricken.
i agree you shouldn’t miss your holiday but try and be kinder to her.
what about getting the local dog warden to take the dog or else asking your parents to reconsider
She’s not done this maliciously

Another pp talking about the neighbour as if they know her Confused

Hallelujah2020 · 07/08/2026 08:11

It’s not a veterinary practices responsibility to deal with this. You can just call the dog warden directly.

Number will be on council website.

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