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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think people on MN should stop directly engaging with you once you’ve asked them to?

160 replies

ThatJadeLion · 06/08/2026 11:57

I find it utterly baffling that some people cannot accept that others may hold a different view on Mumsnet and similar platforms.
Of course it’s a discussion forum, and people are entitled to disagree, continue the wider conversation and express their own opinions. But once somebody has clearly said, “We have different views, I don’t wish to discuss this with you any further,” I think that boundary should be respected.

Some posters continue quoting and directly responding to the same person again and again, becoming increasingly argumentative or aggressive, even after being asked to stop. At that point, it no longer feels like a normal exchange of views; in some cases, it can begin to feel like someone is being deliberately hounded.

AIBU to think there should be a way to prevent another poster from repeatedly quoting or directly engaging with you... or at least a point at which they are expected to let it go? They could still continue the general discussion, just without persistently coming back to somebody who has made it clear they no longer wish to engage.

OP posts:
Apinklie · 06/08/2026 14:35

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PollysKenwood · 06/08/2026 14:35

Reading a thread where someone is still being accused of murder after being acquitted and the discussion centring on the limits of how they can talk about that experience then seeing comments from posters stating they were actually guilty without wanting to talk about why they thought so made me think I had more of an understanding as to why the accused person would want to do that show in the first place.

PollysKenwood · 06/08/2026 14:40

How woipd you actually go about blocking someone on a thread? I get not being about to “at” someone but is the suggestion that they should be stopped from participating? I don’t understand.

theneighboureatmysalad · 06/08/2026 14:40

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but it would become a bit ridiculous. You might block, but others will keep replying and discussing, so you'll end up with half the discussion. What's the point?

If you don't agree with something, just ignore or leave the thread completely.

Why do people take a forum so personally?

5128gap · 06/08/2026 14:41

You need to stop taking it personally.
For most of us, unless we have got to 'know', ie recognise a poster, we are no more than words on a screen to each other.
So if someone reads your words and strongly disagrees with them, they're going to want to get their two pennorth in so your (as they see it) wrong/daft/offensive words don't just sit there unchallenged. They are 'hounding' your argument in order to get in their disagreement, as much for the benefit of the audience of other posters and lurkers and to air their view than to have a go at you.

ChuisEpuisee · 06/08/2026 14:42

PurpleEmerald · 06/08/2026 12:45

I wonder where accusing an exonerated person of being guilty of murder would fall, legally speaking? That’s why I separated meaningless opinions (takeaway preferences etc) from accusing someone of committing one of the worst possible crimes. But I suppose you’re right, I’ll add a third option: back it up, retract it or suck up the fact that posters are going to ask you (probably repeatedly) for justification of your point of view.

Love the image of a devil’s advocate duck 😂

Yes you're absolutely right - huge difference between the ends of the spectrum in terms of what people post. That revised wording with the third option is perfect- we've solved it, everyone! 😂

Doingtheboxerbeat · 06/08/2026 14:43

PollysKenwood · 06/08/2026 14:35

Reading a thread where someone is still being accused of murder after being acquitted and the discussion centring on the limits of how they can talk about that experience then seeing comments from posters stating they were actually guilty without wanting to talk about why they thought so made me think I had more of an understanding as to why the accused person would want to do that show in the first place.

This is an amazing point TBF. People are going to people and when it comes to online discourse, the angrier people are, the more money can be made, rage bait sells the point of right or wrong becomes irrelevant.
May as well cash in on our stupidity, she certainly deserves to IMO.

TheCrenchinglyMcQuaffenBrothers · 06/08/2026 14:44

ThatJadeLion · 06/08/2026 13:33

To be fair, I would respect someone's boundaries if they asked me not to message them directly.

Do you mean 'directly' as in sending you DMs?
Or do you mean quoting you and replying/responding on the thread?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 06/08/2026 14:45

@ThatJadeLion you cannot stop anyone posting on a thread.
All you can do is report posters who you believe are derailing your thread.

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 14:50

And no, mumsnet is not the all seeing eye, nor are their moderators always impartial. They often blatantly ignore trolling, goading and abusive posters.

If posts are genuinely trolling or abusive, they will get deleted (if they are reported). Goading is not strictly against guidelines and can be a judgement call.

Obviously, if you think someone is just goading then the best action is to simply ignore them. If they are looking for a fight, don't give it to them.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/08/2026 14:53

OP you want there to be rules that aren't rules. If you want a heavily moderated forum, those exist. Even pre-moderated ones. MN isn't that.

And if you say unsubstantiated, slanderous, erroneous nonsense on one thread, and start another in a disingenuous fashion, expect to be advanced searched. It might not be comme il faux but it's obvious it will happen!

Apinklie · 06/08/2026 14:55

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Andeverybodyknowsthat · 06/08/2026 15:00

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gamerchick · 06/08/2026 15:01

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 14:11

Of course, the name change facility makes avoiding posters slightly more awkward

Actually that's a good point. If I only blocked one user and they changed username, would that new name automatically be blocked? Because if so, it would be easy to block one person to track their usernames and then unblock and you would be able to link all their posts, which goes against the whole point of being able to change names for extra privacy, etc.

Exactly. Bring in blocking and it means get rid of name changing.

I'd definitely support that.

Andeverybodyknowsthat · 06/08/2026 15:03

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Error404FucksNotFound · 06/08/2026 15:04

Just stop replying to them.
Reply to others, carry on being involved in the discussion but skip them entirely.

It drives them nuts.

Andeverybodyknowsthat · 06/08/2026 15:07

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LuckyHazelFox · 06/08/2026 15:10

StrangeKa · 06/08/2026 12:16

It’s the trans rights people that do this haranguing. They are so aggressive. I’d love to be able to block them.

👏 ✌️ 👏

Error404FucksNotFound · 06/08/2026 15:14

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I suppose there are those too.
I was thinking of my own experience with someone wanting an argument. Chatting along happily with others, just ignoring them caused them to have a massive tantrum. It was glorious.

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 15:15

Please stop pretending this site is even close to perfectly moderated, or that you don't know what I am talking about, it is disingenous.

I'm not. I like the way it's not heavily moderated.

It feels like a more grown up site where people can moderate themselves and if they don't like what another person says, they can ignore them.

TorroFerney · 06/08/2026 15:16

JudyTeeny · 06/08/2026 13:09

There is at least one person on here that does this all the time, frequently changing names. I can't think why someone gets their kicks by trying to provoke an argument. She/he stops when confronted. The best thing is to ignore- don't feed the trolls!

They’ll get a little dopamine hit every time I imagine. That’s probably why.

Andeverybodyknowsthat · 06/08/2026 15:18

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SeaAndSangria · 06/08/2026 15:25

Backedoffhackedoff · 06/08/2026 12:01

You should be able to block people

I disagree. It's healthy to have the ability to listen to others points of view, even if you strongly disagree. You should regularly challenge your own opinions and views.
Blocking creates echo chambers, which can lead to/feed extremism.

nomas · 06/08/2026 15:28

YANBU. There are a few posters who follow people around from thread to thread to insult them, and then get surprised when the person doesn't engage with them.

I don't ask people not to post to me but I do stop replying to them and ignore their insults. It's quite reassuring that their behaviour shows why they have such awful views.

WearyAuldWumman · 06/08/2026 15:30

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 14:25

Name changes have proved to be vital in the past to prevent doxxing. MN gets targeted regularly. MRAs even sent a SWAT team to Justine's house. I have a separate email just for mn that is not linked to anything else and change name when I need to.

On a site like this, one of the only sites in the world that is predominantly female and allows women to have a voice, I would say protecting your identity is paramount.

True.

The weird poster I referred to very casually asked me to name the school where I’d worked…

I hadn’t addressed them on that thread.