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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am a bad sister in law

56 replies

TrueCrimeFanatic · 06/08/2026 10:39

so, first of all I’m expecting a slating but honestly I’m feeling exasperated right now.

heres the story. My DH is one of 6 siblings, all now aged 60-72. The 2 youngest live in the family home ( which was all their parents home) and the other 4 are all married with adult children and GC.

The youngest (let’s call her K) was always coddled by her parents and never had to do much for herself. She now has a lot of health problems, including kidney disease, depression, osteoarthritis and osteoporosis. She walks with the aid of a ‘trolley’ type thing.

she never goes anywhere, rarely sees anyone (other than her brother who she lives with…they don’t get on)

Her siblings rarely sees her because she’s downright cantankerous, never stops talking and expects everyone to do everything for her when they do see her. She doesn’t drive so if she’s invited to their houses they all have to do round trips for her but she rarely stays with them more than 2 days.

apart from us all her other siblings live within about an hour of her.

However, me and DH live 8 hours away. My DH insists on inviting her every years because ‘she’s lonely’ she will get the coach to us. Her brother drops her at coach station, sees her on coach then my DH picks her up at this end and vice versa.

So she arrived on Sunday gone, it’s been hell for me. She doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. She talks non stop, will sharp tell me if the meal I’m making doesn’t suit her. Moans about anyone and everyone. Every conversation is turned back to her. She barely moves a muscle and we run around after her like blue arsed flies.

i liken the days like being in jail and have even been making excuses to pop out for an hour just to get some breathing space.

I don’t drink much but I’ve had to have a drink every night this week to cope.

Anyway DH was getting up early this morning to take her to coach station. When he came downstairs I could hear a commotion. She was crying in pain…I went down. She said her back was in spasms and she couldn’t move. DH called ambulance, I got her back pain killers.

by the time ambulance arrived she seemed a bit better but they have taken her to hospital to get checked out. As of right now they are waiting for an X-ray.

Im guessing there is no way she is going home today or even possibly tomorrow.

the thing is I don’t feel guilty, I feel tired and fed up and want her to go home. It’s been a hellish week whilst she’s here and I want my life and home back.

is there anyone who can please understand or am I just a dreadful person?

OP posts:
ViciousCurrentBun · Today 08:46

When MIL stays with us, she is hard to be around even DH admits that I just take myself off to my voluntary jobs and lunch with my mate as normal. You don’t need to be there 24/7.

Wiseplumnet · Today 09:18

PP mentioned possibly of SiIL being ND, but some people just have dreadful personalities and are tedious and difficult to deal with. Anyway, glad you have found a permanent solution. I used to work as a carer, and would care for people exactly as you describe your SIL, they were hard work, clingy and often 'old' and disabled before their time due to lack of motivation to help themselves even when offered help and encouragement.Their families had checked out or low contact.Numerous medical problems and a whole pharmacy of medications and numerous appointments.I expect the 'back spasms were almost certainly attention seeking behaviour, after all what's not to like about about having you and your DH running around after her and listening to her woes, she Probably imagines that living with you would always be like this, especially if she doesn't get on with the sibling she does live with! Then she gets another sibling involved in getting her home.I am not talking about genuinely disabled people here. Although maybe she has a 'disabled' personality. In my more generous moments I felt sorry for these clients , but one hour a day would be enough, so having your SIL in your house for a week must have been torture.

TrueCrimeFanatic · Today 11:47

Thanks all for your comments and opinions, I have learnt a lot.

Thankfully she is home now so end of. She is almost certainly ND but as a PP stated she is definitely old before her time and her siblings are low contact with her BUT they do care they just don’t want to deal with her on a day to day basis.

And to the person blaming her parents - absolutely agree but as they are no longer with us it’s the siblings that are left to deal with her.

Even the brother that lives with her keeps away from her as much as possible but at least he is there for emergencies I guess.

I really don’t think she was making up the back spasms having been here to witness it. However she was speaking to her older sister (H) later in the day on Thursday when they got back from hospital and I then I spoke to H in private.

H told me that K knew H and her DH would be in our area in a couple weeks time and ‘prehaps they could pick her up then?’ Fortunately H told her it would all be happening the next day.

Anyway, alls well that ends well. Thanks everyone for your comments and advice even those inferring I’m a pushover (yes I know!)

OP posts:
Chocolateistheanswer2026 · Today 14:42

Your thoughts are a completely normal reaction to her awful behaviour. The great thing is that your husband has agreed not to have her back so, once you've got rid of her this time, you can breathe a sigh of relief and think never again. Travelling while she's on the codeine sounds like a sensible idea so get her on the road asap and relax.

TheignT · Today 14:48

TrueCrimeFanatic · 06/08/2026 11:01

Thanks all for your replies. It helps to know these feelings are normal. Just spoke to DH and they’re waiting for results of X-ray. He says she seems okay now.

He has spoken to their siblings and they’ve decided when she’s okay to travel DH will take her half way and another sibling will meet them and take her home.

He also said we won’t be inviting her again, not because of the hellish time we have but because she’s clearly not capable/shouldn’t risk this happening again. TBH thats made me feel a little lighter and able to cope with another couple of days.

He did say we won’t tell her though til she safely home 😬

She's very lucky to have such caring siblings. I'm glad your husband doesn't have to do the full journey. At least you know you don't have to face this again which must be a relief.

sesquipedalian · Today 14:53

“H told me that K knew H and her DH would be in our area in a couple weeks time and ‘prehaps they could pick her up then?”

OP, clearly this is someone with no boundaries - a couple of weeks to stay uninvited in someone else’s house? Just no, no and no again. You will have to stick to your guns and practise being strong as far as next year’s concerned, because in all probability, she will ask to come and DH will weaken…

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