I am a bad sister in law

“H told me that K knew H and her DH would be in our area in a couple weeks time and ‘prehaps they could pick her up then?”

OP, clearly this is someone with no boundaries - a couple of weeks to stay uninvited in someone else’s house? Just no, no and no again. You will have to stick to your guns and practise being strong as far as next year’s concerned, because in all probability, she will ask to come and DH will weaken…

She's very lucky to have such caring siblings. I'm glad your husband doesn't have to do the full journey. At least you know you don't have to face this again which must be a relief.

Your thoughts are a completely normal reaction to her awful behaviour. The great thing is that your husband has agreed not to have her back so, once you've got rid of her this time, you can breathe a sigh of relief and think never again. Travelling while she's on the codeine sounds like a sensible idea so get her on the road asap and relax.

PP mentioned possibly of SiIL being ND, but some people just have dreadful personalities and are tedious and difficult to deal with. Anyway, glad you have found a permanent solution. I used to work as a carer, and would care for people exactly as you describe your SIL, they were hard work, clingy and often 'old' and disabled before their time due to lack of motivation to help themselves even when offered help and encouragement.Their families had checked out or low contact.Numerous medical problems and a whole pharmacy of medications and numerous appointments.I expect the 'back spasms were almost certainly attention seeking behaviour, after all what's not to like about about having you and your DH running around after her and listening to her woes, she Probably imagines that living with you would always be like this, especially if she doesn't get on with the sibling she does live with! Then she gets another sibling involved in getting her home.I am not talking about genuinely disabled people here. Although maybe she has a 'disabled' personality. In my more generous moments I felt sorry for these clients , but one hour a day would be enough, so having your SIL in your house for a week must have been torture.

When MIL stays with us, she is hard to be around even DH admits that I just take myself off to my voluntary jobs and lunch with my mate as normal. You don’t need to be there 24/7.

SHE'S GONE

SHE AIN'T COMING BACK

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Appreciate its been hard for you. Why dont you get some ear buds and listen to a book or music when in the house, not mealtimes. Or do something on your own for a couple of hours, sit in the garden. Smile, whilst telling her she is rude. TBH it sounds like quite a comical situation, try to laugh about it.

Her backs probably gone because she sits on her arse all day.......it's the worst thing anyone can do.

The situation sounds sad all round and the blame lies with her parents 😬

Full sympathy from me. If she’s back at yours after hospital - be absolutely clear with DH that it’s his responsibility to get her home to her own place - pronto. And in future if she comes to stay don’t put up with any sh#t from her. If she’s rude or nasty tell her immediately- not that you’re offended- but that she is rude and nasty. You can top that up by being rude and nasty in return. Show no sympathy. She’s feeding on it.

Yes, exactly. This woman is awful, OP. Why would anyone ‘slate’ you?

I hear this - and often agree - but I also think that a man treating his family well (within reason!) is a green flag. And for me, part of being married is supporting each other in life’s tribulations (again, only within reason), which is what OP is doing by helping him cater to his poisonous sister. Hopefully DH would help OP deal with annoying situations, too.

I don’t think OP’s husband sounds out of line here, and he seems open to cutting out the trips. That’s not to say I don’t massively feel for OP. The temptation to bubble over and shout or storm out must’ve been huge over the past few days.

I voted YABU because you are pushing lots of your behaviour on to her.

She sounds like a total nightmare: I totally agree.

But “running round like a blue arse fly” and “entertaining” and “trying to drag her out” and “being spoken to rudely” and “having to drink each night”…. All of those things are your behaviour. Not hers. Why do you behave like this when she’s here? Are you seeking her approval in some way?

Because she’s a nightmare it would be perfectly reasonable to have a chat each morning and evening for an hour, make her an evening meal, she can muddle her own breakfast and lunch, and when she doesn’t want to do XYZ, go out for the day. We don’t have to pander to other peoples rude and difficult behaviour. If everyone always does everything for her then she’ll never do anything herself. Why would she?

So, you are part the problem by facilitating it all.

If there needs to be some sort of 'next year' plan eventually, pick a nice spot in the middle and all go to holiday there for 3 nights. Separate rooms of course, so you can get some peace. I'm not a fan of AI, but in this case, maybe somewhere AI because the poor staff can take care of her food and drinks, not you.

Fuck that, get her shipped off home even if you pay a fortune for a taxi to take her. Sounds like she is setting up to move in permanently.

You are not awful for having these feelings a week is so long when you don’t like the company but you have to hold it together a little longer as she is unwell it is so inconvenient but what you will do next or won’t do will make you a good SIL or a bad one , keep telling yourself she will go home soon and rise above it for your husband no one wants a bad relationship with a sibling it’s so not worth it .

You live far enough away that she doesn't know your day to day or week to week plans.
If she invites herself you could say you're having work done/storing furniture for a friend/got other visitors - so it's not convenient.

Well done for putting your husband straight.
Haven't you paid dearly for that one week he was kind to your Dad!!
I have a lovely husband, but that doesn't mean I would be doing this.
Anyway, you have survived and have laid down a firm marker.
Now make sure you stick to it!

Just a piece of advice, I wouldn't have your DH tell his sister that she's no longer going to be invited to visit you. As that will set them up for a falling out. I'd just let it go and not extend an invitation. If she asks to come, unfortunately the timing isn't going to be good for you. And if, by that time, your DH has decided that either he or your whole family can do a visit (staying elsewhere nearby), then do that instead. In other words, just change the "routine" without making a big song and dance about it or about the reasons why. Good luck to you and you handled that last day beautifully. I'm sure she did have a lovely and memorable time.

You are not a dreadful person x

Has anyone ever pulled her up on her nasty behaviour, OP? I don’t care if she walks with a frame and has health concerns, so do I, but I don’t spend my life being rude to my family and the other people around me. Maybe a taste of her own medicine will help her.

And it did cross my mind that she made today’s episode up. Or at least exaggerated it.

I think you have probably both been very kind to her & she now wants to stay longer as her life at home is a bit miserable.

hopefully it’s not for much longer & you will get through this.

No one would think you were awful.in theses circumstances Op, it's draining and mentally exhausting, well done for lasting the week and good luck if she has to stay a bit longer

Sympathy and solidarity @TrueCrimeFanatic. I have a SIL like that. The first and last time I spent a week with her was in 2000. Never again.

Your brother sounds lovely for caring for his sister.