AIBU to expect more help with school uniform from my ex?

It might not be fair, but CMS is all he’s required to pay.

I feel the Child Maintenance Service is a travesty. Government and opposition just don’t seem to care.

My ex gives no extra money, ever, and purposely works reduced hours so he gets assessed at a reduced rate…he then works the rest cash in hand. He also went to court re access and asked court for one thing - that the children were to not ever be with him over Christmas so he wouldn’t have to even do that.
This time of year is expensive, uniform and new bags, new pencil cases, new shoes (I often feel like I’m drowning in the need for new shoes) - a decent father provides, a poor quality one doesn’t. I’m often told children realise who was truly there for them growing up, in the end,

Yes a reasonable dad would pay more than the minimum they are required where they can afford it. I’m sorry that the father of your children isn’t that but if he’s not reasonable he isn’t going to listen to reason. Your son is no fool which is both a good thing though sad for him to see. Is your ex intentionally in a minimum wage job/ paying himself min wage to provide as little as possible?

He ‘should’ pay more but a lot of these men don’t care about morals. He’s paid his £270 and that’s his job done in his eyes. Could you look on Vinted for shoes? Stationery doesn’t need to be too expensive, have a look on Amazon.

so far £350 still shoes to buy is it branded stuff they need??

£175 each with out shoes is a lot for school wear, when you see the deals out there

Yes it’s supposed to cover it. It’s a disgrace and my ex contributed nothing more, once my daughters went to university it all stopped as it should but he never even bought them
so much as a coffee or meal deal as a treat. The lot had fallen on my shoulders

@HarmonyRhapsody have just been to m&s for mine, we only have to have the tie and branded jumper @£15 though, so we might be lucky!

It’s never fair because CM esp through CMS is such a minuscule amount but he isn’t obliged to send any extra at all. You can ask, as you did and he sent £80. Bet he felt like a hero doing that as well. Some men are useless.

I really sympathise and I see a few posts like this. Maybe you could next year ask him to buy certain items rather than contribute an amount of money? Just a thought that this tactic may work better.
Other than that all I can suggest is Vinted and eBay of the school does not have a 2nd hand shop.

What you say about children realise who was there for them certainly rings true with me. My DCs are now early/mid 20s and DC1 in particular always remarks on how I did all the parenting (their dad and I were together for all of their childhood). DC2 phones me every single day but talks to their dad about once or twice a fortnight.

Agree. It's awful that he doesn't voluntarily go halves on it like a decent dad would

£80 is very disappointing. It must be very frustrating to watch from the sidelines as your ex is pleading poverty and yet clearly is not living in poverty. Well done on getting into work, getting off UC and congratulations on getting remarried. Unlike your ex, you are modelling decent values to your DCs. It will pay dividends in the end although it doesn’t help now.

I would be expecting Dad to cough up his half. But if I was Dad I would be wondering why it’s costing £175 per child, particularly with the new rules about branded items and supermarkets pricing unbranded stuff so that they’re almost giving it away.

Yes a reasonable dad would pay more.
Im wondering if your ex isn't actually funding the holidays and nice things though.
He only has to pay £270 per month, for two children, who he only has once a fortnight. That isn't much so his income is obviously pretty low. Sounds like his new wife is subsidising him.

Do you get DLA for your ASD child? If not give it a try.

As others have already said, CMS includes all the costs of supporting a child, based on the non resident parent’s income. So actually if you received an additional £80 towards uniform that’s more than expected. Clearly the morals of this is a whole different conversation.
However, as others have also said, you’re spending an awful lot on uniform. You can get a 5 pack of boys long sleeved shirts for £18, 2 pairs of school trousers for £12 and 2 school jumpers for £11 from Asda.
https://direct.asda.com/george/school/boys-school-shirts/white-boys-long-sleeve-school-shirts-5-pack/GEM1087992-23619,default,pd.html?clr=White

Add a pair of shoes from Next and you're kitted out for £80
https://www.next.co.uk/style/st757343/298946

What I would advise though is that you don’t wait until August to buy uniform all at once. Either spread it out over a year or put a small amount of money aside over the year to fund it.

Missing the point but I never understand on these uniform threads how people spend so much - on an expensive year where everyone needs shoes all at the same time, I don't think I have ever spent more than £150 for the 3 of them.

But the ex is definitely a dick and should go halves regardless!

Where's the blazer and PE kit in that list? Or if no blazer, the school-specific jumper?

Lucky you. A blazer is £40 so that’s already almost a third of your budget on one blazer. The PE kits tend to be branded in secondary schools too so around £40 for that- bam almost two thirds of your budget. Shoes are £50 minimum if you want a decent pair you won’t have to replace after one half term. Maybe they need a new school bag and stationary that year too. Oh wait your £150 has gone before shirts and trousers were purchased. Secondary uniform is EXPENSIVE.

He should be paying more for his dc, of course.

But you've spent a huge amount of money on uniform, a lot more than I ever have and I consider my dc's uniform pretty pricey. Why do you need two sets of pe kit? And, could you look for secondhand options? That's pretty normal, even in schools with more expensive uniforms.

The problem is that he probably doesn't agree to the choices you've made in terms of your purchases.

If you are on UC and tight on money, the good old 'my friends all have it' needs to be dealt with rather than falling for it and spending ridiculous amount of money on non necessary items. Branded clothes goes against the principles of having a uniform.

So yes, he should probably have given a bit more, but YOU chose to spend silly money on socks. As for the good old 'branded shoes last longer', that is a complete fallacy to justify buying branded stuff.

Im wondering if some posters have only had to buy primary uniform so far 😂.
Secondary is much more expensive. Just the blazers and a pe kit each were £125 for my 2 dc. Then there's everything else- shoes ( pointless buying cheap for this age group, they don't last), trousers, shirts, bags (get grubby so aren't a one off cost for the secondary years ) etc etc. £370 to kit out two dc in secondary is pretty normal in my experience.