DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

It's sounds like you have piled on the pounds and your old bikini had become just too tight. Better he tell you now rather than you think it later, having already been out in public. You said yourself your extra inches were digging in. He didn't say it in a nasty way or to mock you, just in a matter of fact way. I would let this go and enjoy the rest of your holiday .

Both could be right. It may be that the style and colour of the bikini looked good on her, but it may also have looked like it was tight and digging into her.

He said "Nothing". That's the universal signal of don't ask again. You chose to ask again, so he gave you an honest answer.

This one's on you @jessywxo

It was the way it was delivered ie pulling a face. No one wants to be looked at like that. Maybe she shouldn't have asked but it could have been delivered in a more sensitive way. I am just saying in all honesty I would probably be hurt too.

And there could be more context we are not aware of. If it was a truly neutral comment delivered in a spirit of support I doubt the OP would be upset enough about it to post here.

However I agree it's not the end of the world and should be moved on from.

Oh come on, give the guy a break. He’s your husband, he’s allowed to say ‘that looks too tight’.

The reason you’re being so sensitive is because you know he’s probably right.

This and you said you’d gained weight and Nikons are tight fitting anyway so he was only saying it as it was.

I trust my two DS to tell me if I look less than fabulous -awful-
🤣 it’s too late for me to remember how to score out 🤦‍♀️)
and they know they can be brutally honest. I appreciate honesty.)

I will ask my DH for an honest opinion and he’s diplomatic 🤣🤦‍♀️

I would and I have told him if something he was wearing wasn’t flattering. And I tell my DC.

Im 57 and I have lost a lot of weight. I’m excited to wear clothes that I couldn’t wear for a few years.

I would welcome being told I need to lose a few pounds (if I did) because I tell my partner when he’s put weight on. I wouldn’t be attracted to him if he was over a certain size and I’d expect him to be equally as honest back. There is no good reason to be obese especially now weight loss drugs are so widely available.

You badgered him for his thoughts and then scalded him when he told you. Poor guy.

I don’t think that’s true. I’m a 14/16 now and can technically still wear my size 10 swimsuit as I can put it on. It looks bloody awful though and getting it off is another matter.

I know this as last summer it was the only suit I owned and I wanted to go on a short notice trip to a spa that required swimwear so I tried it in deperation.

I didn’t go on the spa day. I did buy a lovely size 16 swimsuit the next weekend just in case. I’m working on losing the weight but I’m newly post menopausal and its a lot harder than it used to be at 4’ 11”.

"He's very 'black and white' sometimes and his view seems to be that couples should be honest with each other'. Weight isn't a binary black or white option though is it. If you felt happy that's all that matters. He is a clown. I would have thought most people just say you look great. I can't keep weight on due to illness, I'd love extra pounds.

It's a bikini from last year, not from when they first met and she was a size 10-12.

Aah. There’s no way a bikini that looked great on you four and a half stone ago would fit you now, even if its a tie-on one, which I assume it is. Are you sure you felt good in it?

I too was a 10 when I got married and have put about three stone on over the years. At 4’11” my last properly fitting swimsuit was a 16.

Are you still wearing clothes from before your weight gain or just the bikini?

I’m not going to comment on the OP specifically because I haven’t seen her, but this comment is complete BS. The world is full of people wearing clothes that are far too small for them. You only have to walk down most local highs streets to see this.

Sometimes you can’t see how things look properly yourself. He wasn’t trying to be mean as you say. You asked him and i would rather my jo est was honest with me if something I’m wearing is right.

Was it? OP didn't know it was about the bikini because he just pulled a face. It would perhaps be different if she nagged him about an opinion on the bikini but she didn't.

I will preface by saying that I have been in your position myself before OP and it is not my intention to shame you. I totally empathise with the weight silently creeping on over the years. The catalyst for me waking up to how big I had become was looking at holiday pictures of me in skimpy clothing that evidently didn't fit me. I had been living in total denial from 2019-late 2023, squeezing into size 10 clothes from yesteryear that often popped open as I sat down, leaving red indents over my skin. My legs and underarms rubbed together and chaffed as I walked. I was silently seething at my partner and friends who continued to lie to my face, telling me I looked fabulous and the same as before.

I was around 12 stone at 5ft 3; I lost 3 stone and kept it off, but it was a long, hard slog and it did not happen overnight. To be incredibly blunt OP, 4 and a half stone is an enormous amount of weight to gain and a terrible strain on your body. I would personally no longer feel physically attracted to my partner if he gained that much weight. It sounds like you pushed him for an answer that you evidently did not want to hear and that there has been some underlying concern from him regarding your weight gain. I would try and frame this as a positive and take action in regards to losing weight. 20's is optimal time for doing this.

I gained a lot of weight in a short time (1.5 stone but at 4 foot 10 it really showed and I went up from a size 8 to 14 which is big for my height) and was in complete denial.

I went to Turkey with my DP and squeezed myself into last years swimming costume that was quite revealing and thought as I got into it that it must fit.

My DP knew I was unhappy and sensitive about my weight and didn’t want to upset me so said nothing and didn’t take any photos but the photographer from the resort took some and put them on display for guests to see.

I looked absolutely awful with the swimming costume hardly covering my bum (I was aware on some level it was too small as I had to keep pulling it over my body to cover me) and my boobs falling out and the cut just made me look terrible with huge wobbly arms.

I was deeply upset my DP wasn’t honest and hadn’t warned me how bad it looked and felt like everyone must have been staring and judging. I had thought it looked good in the mirror.

It was enough to give me the kick to lose the weight but whilst I was losing it a I wore a bigger swimming costume which was much more flattering on our next holiday.
I made sure my DP helped me choose one that we both felt looked nice.

Sometimes it’s cruel to say nothing just to avoid upsetting someone and letting them find out the hard way that they don’t look good in something.
I think it’s braver and kinder to be honest as long as it’s coming from a good place.

Exactly. Isn't this what couples do?

Honestly, I would rather my DH just tell me if something looks too tight. There are times the information may sting but my problem is with the fact I gained a bit of weight. I would and do tell him the same.

You pushed and pushed him for a response. So actually it was solicited feedback.

Ive had to gently tell DH before that his “going out” shirts no longer fit as the buttons were straining and it looked terrible. Obviously I didn’t phrase it like that. He has also gently told me something no longer fitted post two pregnancies.

No issues.

Just seen this and don’t mean this to sound nasty but the chances are (and you’re not alone) that the bikini isn’t making you look your best and someone who loves you has decided not to lie to you by pretending it does

😂 😂Never change MN.

What sympathy are we supposed to give? He thought it looked too tight, and told her when she nagged him to?
She's only upset because it was too tight. Man tells truth to wife when asked is not something we need to rally "the sisterhood" for!

You would have felt bad and self conscious if the bikini felt tight and uncomfortable during the day. Just get something in your size if you have gained weight.