DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

Because what people see in the mirror isn’t always what others see.

She pushed him to tell her, so he did. She asked him twice to say what he was thinking. If you don’t want to know the answer , don’t ask the question.

And if anyone round the pool had given funny looks or muttered something, as people do, she’d have been upset he hadn’t said anything.
She knows she put on a lot of weight, so why be touchy about being told something looks tight? If it fitted well before weight gain, it stands to reason it would look tighter now.

Exactly- how can you trust anything someone says when they only tell you what you want to hear all the time?

This reminds me of those parents/family on the X factor who proudly proclaim their kid/family member has the voice of an angel and keep encouraging them to sing in public when it's patently obvious to everyone they sound like a cat being strangled to death. The person then makes a complete fool of themselves on national tv.

Its cruel.

If your bikini is a 10 and you are now a 14 then I dare say you could squeeze yourself into it. Would it look the best it could ? No of course it wouldn't. If you want him to lie / say nothing ( saying nothing was clearly his first choice) that's fine but the photos by the pool would have told you the truth . He did you a favour.

Me too, and my husband does this, it’s pure shite. I can’t trust a word that comes out his mouth if everything looks fab. So now I ask my daughter. She tells me honestly, kindly but honestly, if I want to know I ask her.

I do not get the concept of asking then getting upset when told, and wanting your partner to lie to you or not tell you so you can carry on looking bad and kidding yourself you don’t. I think the op deep down knew and that’s why she pushed.

as said, if we were on hols and my husband fronted up in a pair of swim trunks too small, sure as hell I’d tell him. I’d say your trunks are too small, put another pair on. Or let’s go buy you some if he didn’t have more. Thays not commenting on his body it’s simply commenting on the fit of the clothing, as the ops husband did,

Wow so many snarky comments about reading his reaction. I never knew so many people could not interpret facial expressions!

Humans don’t need language to express emotions.

No, not lack of reading comprehension. He gave her a funny look so of course she pushed it, as most people would. Normal human reaction from OP.

Jesus, now a look can say your bikini is too small. Who knew eyes can be so articulate.

I completely disagree.

I want honesty from my husband - if you cant be honest with each other then whats the point? Honesty doesnt have to be cruel or unkind. It can be phrased sensitively and kindly.

Ive asked my husband what clothes look like on me before and he's said that one outfit looks a little tight in one particular area or something else suits me better- all fine. He was right. Equally, he asked me the other day if I thought he was getting a slight gut - I told him it looked like he had put on a little weight yes, but nothing hugely noticeable. He's now rejoined the gym, we go together, and it's been really fun.

I dont want smoke blown up my arse - I think its more cruel to tell someone everything looks great and lie to them when it really doesnt.

He’s given her a look. He’s expressed his thought via body language, of course she’s asked him to clarify. These comments are wild.

Said it with his eyes , Jesus that’s a stretch,

You did push for an answer. Bodies change- some people have different wardrobes to accommodate their fluctuations in shape and size. Why don’t you buy a new bikini and enjoy your holiday?

Then she shouldn’t have asked. There appears to be an awful lot of reading comprehension difficulty throughout the thread. DH didn’t say anything until OP pushed for his opinion. He could have lied, but what would be the purpose when his words would have belied what was on his face ?

You are in control of your feelings and reactions so this shows that you arent happy about yourself. It wasnt your DH that made you feel like that. People make insensitive comments all the time without appreciating how they might be taken. I dont think he intentionally meant to hurt you.

OP, to hell with what he thinks. I’m in my late 40s, weight fluctuates, and often only wear half a bikini.

He said it with his eyes so of course she pushed him.

Lose the weight or lose the bikini.

Why yes, I do. In a nutshell it’s a disconnect between what you say and what you do. For example telling other people how to behave while doing the opposite yourself, or saying you have particular beliefs or moral standards when in reality you hold opposing views. It can also refer to someone insincere, duplicitous, deceitful or sanctimonious.

Not sure what this has to do with the subject matter though, unless you’re suggesting that OP’s DH is a hypocrite for actually telling the truth - that being the case it’s not clear whether you understand the concept yourself.

I gained weight at that age and was a size 14 after previously being a size 10. I'm trying to put myself into my head then and I know I would have felt extremely humiliated and then angry with partner for causing those emotions..

However I'm older now and see if differently. He was saying the bikini is the wrong size, not your body. He also only told you when you asked. He wasn't trying to hurt you.

If you were very body confident and he said your bikini didn't fit you wouldn't be upset and take it personally. So you are punishing him because you feel unhappy with yourself. It's unfair.

My advice; forget the bikini, buy another one on holiday and get on with enjoying yourself. You say he's a good partner, don't waste this time.

When you get home work on getting really fit and healthy with the sole purpose of feeling great again. The shapely body is just a side effect.

Thank you.

I don't think I am the one with 'issues' or 'hang ups' as @EmpressStorm accused me of having. According to her angry response, she needs to look in the mirror..! I hit a nerve I think! And she saw what she wanted to see!😬

It's a hard one because yes it is upsetting to hear.
However you pushed him until he responded with what he thought.
Not sure how long you have had the bikini but if it is since you gained a significant part of the extra 4.5 stone then the bikini is going to be much tighter then it once was.
You said it yourself, he said it.

It is not nice to hear but myself and DH had a similar conversation approx three years ago. Following that and seeing holiday photos which hurt me even more I decided to say nothing and start shifting the weight I had gained due a combination of pregnancy, PND and medication.
Three and a half stone down, he was also the first to say how much happier and more comfortable I seemed on our next holidays.
He was right I was.

It’s hit a nerve, what he said wasn’t bad and like others have pointed out he was pushed into saying something.

He didn’t feel the need to say something, in fact he actively tried to avoid saying anything, she pushed for him to do so. It’s right there in the op.

I think you probably realised deep down that bikini did not fit well - otherwise, why change? I have confidence issues, too but if I'm 100% sure I like something no way in hell I would change it (for example, I have long-ish hair and my whole family bangs on about it looking bad and not becoming for my age and I would look so much better cutting it into a bob etc etc - I dont give a fuck, I love my hair and I'm not changing it!)

I'm with your DH - who, if not your other half, should tell you something doesn't look right? I think you need to address your weight issues and not blame you being upset on other things/ people.