DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

I really doubt this, that he’s that Machiavellian and sat and thought right I will give her a funny look so she asks, then ramp it up by refusing to answer.

it is overwhelmingly more likely he was caught off guard.

The funny look was designed to provoke you to ask the question.

An initial refusal to answer thus increasing the tension & your concern regarding what he was withholding.

Until finally he was “forced” to tell you he thought it was too tight.

Then it’s your fault you asked.

If he is compelled to have input on your clothing choices a more pleasant way would have been to suggest an outfit he loved rather than put down the one you were wearing.

I’d want my husband to tell me if I didn’t look nice in an outfit, but if you’d rather your husband not tell you then this is the perfect time to discuss it so he won’t tell you again. I’d tell my husband if his clothes looked tight and were digging in, I would be telling him matter of factly not in an unkind way.

This. Youre not so stupid you wouldnt realise it’s uncomfortable. 🙄 He made a mistake to comment and should be apologising.

We're on holiday at the moment and this happened yesterday before we went down to the pool.

I'm late 20s and I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years and I'm not pretending otherwise. I don't look the same as I did a few years ago and when I met DH and I'm aware my body has changed.

I've sometimes struggled with my confidence because of it, especially when it comes to things like swimwear but I decided before this holiday that I didn't want to spend the whole time worrying about how I looked.

I brought a bikini that I've had for a while that I always loved and felt good in. It's definitely tighter than it used to be, but I didn't think it looked terrible. I felt comfortable in it and I actually looked in the mirror and thought I looked okay, which can be quite rare.

I came out of the bathroom ready to go and I saw DH give me a funny look.
I asked him what was wrong and he said "Nothing", but I said "No, what is it?"
Eventually he said, "I was just surprised you were wearing that bikini."

I asked him what he meant and he said that he thought it looked too tight and that they were digging in on me. He said he wasn't trying to be horrible, but he was only saying it because he'd rather I knew than walked around the pool feeling uncomfortable or looking silly.

I know he probably wasn't trying to hurt me, but it really upset me. I hadn't asked him what he thought. I wasn't standing there asking if the bikini suited me or if it still fitted, I was just ready to go.

Until then I actually felt quite good about myself. After he said it, I felt really self-conscious and ended up changing into a swimsuit because I didn't feel comfortable wearing the bikini anymore.

I spent the rest of the day feeling rubbish, which annoyed me because my weight and how I look is already something that bothers me and I was trying to make an effort to avoid that..

Last night I told him that his comment had upset me. He said he didn't understand why I was making such a big deal out of it because he hadn't said it to be mean or nasty. He said if he was wearing something that didn't fit properly, he'd want me to tell him. I said I would if he asked me, but I wouldn't just look at him and point something out that I knew would surely make him feel bad.

He's very 'black and white' sometimes and his view seems to be that couples should be honest with each other even if its not nice to hear. I think there are some things you don't need to say unless someone actually asks.

For balance and to be fair to him, he is normally a good husband and I don't think he was trying to be mean/cruel. I just don't know if I'm overreacting, or whether he should have kept that thought to himself in the moment

AIBU to be so upset over this?

I understand why you're upset but really, that's the "fault" of the weight you've gained, not what he said.

We're on holiday at the moment and this happened yesterday before we went down to the pool.

I'm late 20s and I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years and I'm not pretending otherwise. I don't look the same as I did a few years ago and when I met DH and I'm aware my body has changed.

I've sometimes struggled with my confidence because of it, especially when it comes to things like swimwear but I decided before this holiday that I didn't want to spend the whole time worrying about how I looked.

I brought a bikini that I've had for a while that I always loved and felt good in. It's definitely tighter than it used to be, but I didn't think it looked terrible. I felt comfortable in it and I actually looked in the mirror and thought I looked okay, which can be quite rare.

I came out of the bathroom ready to go and I saw DH give me a funny look.
I asked him what was wrong and he said "Nothing", but I said "No, what is it?"
Eventually he said, "I was just surprised you were wearing that bikini."

I asked him what he meant and he said that he thought it looked too tight and that they were digging in on me. He said he wasn't trying to be horrible, but he was only saying it because he'd rather I knew than walked around the pool feeling uncomfortable or looking silly.

I know he probably wasn't trying to hurt me, but it really upset me. I hadn't asked him what he thought. I wasn't standing there asking if the bikini suited me or if it still fitted, I was just ready to go.

Until then I actually felt quite good about myself. After he said it, I felt really self-conscious and ended up changing into a swimsuit because I didn't feel comfortable wearing the bikini anymore.

I spent the rest of the day feeling rubbish, which annoyed me because my weight and how I look is already something that bothers me and I was trying to make an effort to avoid that..

Last night I told him that his comment had upset me. He said he didn't understand why I was making such a big deal out of it because he hadn't said it to be mean or nasty. He said if he was wearing something that didn't fit properly, he'd want me to tell him. I said I would if he asked me, but I wouldn't just look at him and point something out that I knew would surely make him feel bad.

He's very 'black and white' sometimes and his view seems to be that couples should be honest with each other even if its not nice to hear. I think there are some things you don't need to say unless someone actually asks.

For balance and to be fair to him, he is normally a good husband and I don't think he was trying to be mean/cruel. I just don't know if I'm overreacting, or whether he should have kept that thought to himself in the moment

AIBU to be so upset over this?

We're on holiday at the moment and this happened yesterday before we went down to the pool.

I'm late 20s and I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years and I'm not pretending otherwise. I don't look the same as I did a few years ago and when I met DH and I'm aware my body has changed.

I've sometimes struggled with my confidence because of it, especially when it comes to things like swimwear but I decided before this holiday that I didn't want to spend the whole time worrying about how I looked.

I brought a bikini that I've had for a while that I always loved and felt good in. It's definitely tighter than it used to be, but I didn't think it looked terrible. I felt comfortable in it and I actually looked in the mirror and thought I looked okay, which can be quite rare.

I came out of the bathroom ready to go and I saw DH give me a funny look.
I asked him what was wrong and he said "Nothing", but I said "No, what is it?"
Eventually he said, "I was just surprised you were wearing that bikini."

I asked him what he meant and he said that he thought it looked too tight and that they were digging in on me. He said he wasn't trying to be horrible, but he was only saying it because he'd rather I knew than walked around the pool feeling uncomfortable or looking silly.

I know he probably wasn't trying to hurt me, but it really upset me. I hadn't asked him what he thought. I wasn't standing there asking if the bikini suited me or if it still fitted, I was just ready to go.

Until then I actually felt quite good about myself. After he said it, I felt really self-conscious and ended up changing into a swimsuit because I didn't feel comfortable wearing the bikini anymore.

I spent the rest of the day feeling rubbish, which annoyed me because my weight and how I look is already something that bothers me and I was trying to make an effort to avoid that..

Last night I told him that his comment had upset me. He said he didn't understand why I was making such a big deal out of it because he hadn't said it to be mean or nasty. He said if he was wearing something that didn't fit properly, he'd want me to tell him. I said I would if he asked me, but I wouldn't just look at him and point something out that I knew would surely make him feel bad.

He's very 'black and white' sometimes and his view seems to be that couples should be honest with each other even if its not nice to hear. I think there are some things you don't need to say unless someone actually asks.

For balance and to be fair to him, he is normally a good husband and I don't think he was trying to be mean/cruel. I just don't know if I'm overreacting, or whether he should have kept that thought to himself in the moment

AIBU to be so upset over this?

We're on holiday at the moment and this happened yesterday before we went down to the pool.

I'm late 20s and I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years and I'm not pretending otherwise. I don't look the same as I did a few years ago and when I met DH and I'm aware my body has changed.

I've sometimes struggled with my confidence because of it, especially when it comes to things like swimwear but I decided before this holiday that I didn't want to spend the whole time worrying about how I looked.

I brought a bikini that I've had for a while that I always loved and felt good in. It's definitely tighter than it used to be, but I didn't think it looked terrible. I felt comfortable in it and I actually looked in the mirror and thought I looked okay, which can be quite rare.

I came out of the bathroom ready to go and I saw DH give me a funny look.
I asked him what was wrong and he said "Nothing", but I said "No, what is it?"
Eventually he said, "I was just surprised you were wearing that bikini."

I asked him what he meant and he said that he thought it looked too tight and that they were digging in on me. He said he wasn't trying to be horrible, but he was only saying it because he'd rather I knew than walked around the pool feeling uncomfortable or looking silly.

I know he probably wasn't trying to hurt me, but it really upset me. I hadn't asked him what he thought. I wasn't standing there asking if the bikini suited me or if it still fitted, I was just ready to go.

Until then I actually felt quite good about myself. After he said it, I felt really self-conscious and ended up changing into a swimsuit because I didn't feel comfortable wearing the bikini anymore.

I spent the rest of the day feeling rubbish, which annoyed me because my weight and how I look is already something that bothers me and I was trying to make an effort to avoid that..

Last night I told him that his comment had upset me. He said he didn't understand why I was making such a big deal out of it because he hadn't said it to be mean or nasty. He said if he was wearing something that didn't fit properly, he'd want me to tell him. I said I would if he asked me, but I wouldn't just look at him and point something out that I knew would surely make him feel bad.

He's very 'black and white' sometimes and his view seems to be that couples should be honest with each other even if its not nice to hear. I think there are some things you don't need to say unless someone actually asks.

For balance and to be fair to him, he is normally a good husband and I don't think he was trying to be mean/cruel. I just don't know if I'm overreacting, or whether he should have kept that thought to himself in the moment

AIBU to be so upset over this?