DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

Think maybe your confidence is lower because of your changed body so more sensitive to comments. I wouldn't be mad if not meant rudely/unkindly as agree honesty is important and I'd tell my husband if his clothes had a mark/tear/didn't fit well etc. You were upset so he could apologise for that as outcome rather than just intention matters too!

Maybe buy yourself a new bikini or tank/short seperates you feel good in to help body confidence

Honestly, he saw what you saw. You’re trying to convince yourself you look ok. Maybe just diet. Issue will then go away and you won’t have to try to convince yoursekf you look ok, and he won’t see the issue because you will have solved it.

You'd have preferred him to lie?

OP would you have preferred he said nothing and then you see a photo of yourself and think goodness what do I look like, what was I thinking?

He wasn’t . The OP said herself ‘ it was definitely tighter than it used to be’.
And her DH said it looked too tight and things were digging in.

Yeah me too, I could never understand why I looked like I did on the ring door bell or when people took candid shots, I certainly didn’t think I looked as fat as I did.

I can relate. I was still wearing my size 12 clothes, albeit uncomfortably. It was only when I saw a big fat woman on our security camera and realised in horror that it was me, that I took action.

Yeah me too, I could never understand why I looked like I did on the ring door bell or when people took candid shots, I certainly didn’t think I looked as fat as I did.

I’d think how the fuck do I take such bad pics and everyone else looks like them. At one point I also looked at my husband on ring for comparison, and he didn’t look bigger. But my brain was not seeing the reality in the mirror.

its a bloody odd thing. You also see the same whe people lose weight, they can’t see it, it’s like our brains take longer to catch up when we look in the mirror, we see what we expect to see.

Couldn't it be the other way around?

I took two bikinis away with me last week. Same sizes but i have put on a stone in 6 months (Surgery and also peri not helping). One was fine. The other i put on, looked in the mirror, saw iy just looked awful and binned it. Technically it fit on me but by god i did not look good in it.

i also know that if i asked my husband’s opinion he would have said it looked fine. And that is why i do not trust the word of my husband.

Take a picture of yourself in the bikini. For some reason I’d look fine (to my eyes) in a mirror but when I saw myself in a photo it was an ‘oh my fucking life’ moment. Mirrors are lying bastards!

But again, you asked him to tell you what he was thinking. So he did, and he wasn't thinking "Thats looks a bit tight", he was thinking "I'm surprised you're wearing that"

DP has over the last 20 years been a wide variety of different weights. If she came out wearing an outfit that didn't fit her, then I likely would do a double take, and probably would be surprised that she was wearing something that didn't fit.

I'd be surprised because DP is usually very good at dressing to her current weight, and consigning certain items to the wardrobe until they fit her again. My double take wouldn't have been because she was wearing something that didn't fit, but that she'd chosen it and that she was happy about it.

You asked your husband what the look was about. Presumably you wanted a truthful answer. "That looks a bit tight" wouldn't have been truthful. "I'm surprised you're wearing that" was.

Years ago I put on weight in quite a short time. Eventually I bowed to the inevitable and bought some jeans the next size up, and someone asked me if I had lost weight.

Squeezing into a too-small bikini because you used to look good in it when you were slimmer is not a great strategy, and has just made you unhappy.

He was probably trying to avoid saying that the bikini was too tight as you would have probably become upset and so he just said that he was surprised that you were wearing the bikini.
You would have taken umbrage with anything he said because you are uncomfortable with your weight gain

Even if he didn't mean to upset you, he did. I'd expect a good husband to be receptive to that, and learn to phrase things differently.

If you haven't, I'd mention to him that you know he didn't mean it negatively, but you're sensitive about your body even if it seems like a neutral thing to say, for you, it's not.

If my partner gave me a look and I asked him to explain it. Whilst I might be upset by the answer I’d still be grateful he told me. We’ve been together since we were teens. We’ve spent two decades growing and changing alongside each other. We do point out things like this to each other, then we decide whether or not we care enough to change it.

You said your DH is a good guy, trust in that and try and enjoy the rest of your time away.

Are you pissed off the answers were not what you wished maybe? As you were rhe one who said he was a good husband and wasn’t trying to be mean. Now you’re acting like you want people to tell you he’s way out of line and a right bastard and mean as fuck. The man never once referred ro your body, only your swimwear.

look it’s very clear you’re hugely sensitive about your weight. No one said you shouldn’t feel happy and comfortable whilst you lose it.

But what does feeling happy and comfortable mean , how does it translate, as it clear refers to others behavuour not yours. do you want everyone to tell you you look great, or your weighr should never be mentioned, and if you wear something that doesn’t look good on you you want people to say nothing.do you want to be lied to, by means of omission or deliberately. Articulate your needs.

if you do wish to lose the weight, for both physical and mental health, as it’s clear you’re struggling right now mentally, then I’d recommend weight loss mediation, at an average of 2lbs a week weight loss, in 7 months you can be back to your original weight. Which means next summers holiday will be a lot easier and swimwear less of a sensitive area. And I don’t think you felt shit about yourself as he said your bikini was too small. I think you felt shit about yourself due to the weight. And many of us get that. But it doesn’t mean it’s his fault.

If this is still bothering you then I would have another talk with him about it.

From what you've said it doesnt sound like he is deliberately trying to drag you down out of some horrible intention because he is an abusive man.

Lord knows, I am sure all of us have at times put our foot in our mouths and perhaps not phrased things as delicately as we could have at times- it doesnt make us evil or controlling, it makes us human. I know I have, and I doubt the people in this thread implying he is abusive have always had the "perfect" response for every occasion despite what they say.

Dont let one comment ruin your holiday. Unless this is a pattern with him, talk to him and let it go.

Sorry about the use of the word 'badger' coming across as negative, OP. I didn't mean to imply you were unreasonable to ask multiple times! I might've too.

You are the only person who knows your husband and you are the one saying he's a good husband and wasn't trying to be mean!

You've said he's a good husband and you don't think he was deliberately being mean. Yes YABU to be upset and to spend your holiday posting on MN about a clumsy comment your husband made when you demanded to know why a look had crossed his face when he saw you in a slightly too small bikini.

Reading further, I see the bikini is only a size too small - and if you felt it fit you comfortably, I'm sure you looked absolutely fine.

Also, the fact that he gave you a 'funny look' really does make me think he was deliberately wanting you to ask. No one looks so ridiculous in a bikini one size too small that they merit a totally involuntary 'funny look' that can be noticed by others.

It does seem a little like he either has an issue with your weight gain, or he's deliberately negging you, and both of those are very hurtful.

He’s a man. We already know he’s a shitbag because he’s got a penis, so his opinions are worthless and mostly demonstrate character flaws. What on earth made you think he’s allowed facial expressions 🤣

Absolutely this. What it boils down to is if someone takes offence at something you say then it’s on them to explain why, and if they’ve misunderstood or misinterpreted then no apology is necessary.

None of which is appropriate here. He raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. OP pushed and didn’t like what she heard. He obviously saw something amiss, but unfortunately these days men aren’t allowed an opinion on anything without it being taken as a character flaw that needs correcting. I would far rather my DH tell me honestly if there is something he sees that I don’t, because I don’t choose to view it as negging or undermining me and at the end of the day the final decision is mine because I can exercise free will. The difference is that I don’t have to berate him for being a closet misogynist to do it.

I dont think you understand what Occam's razor is. Occams razor is the simplest explanation which is exactly what he said - her bikini looked tight, and it was digging in.

Concocting a narrative where he is a "sly insecure man trying to keep OP in check" is something you have just made up. OP does not say anything remotely close to that in her OP nor does she list any behaviours which concur with that interpretation. She even says he is a good husband and I don't think he was trying to be mean/cruel.

Also, I don't agree that our feelings are always valid. Our feelings are always real in the sense that we genuinely experience them, but that doesn't mean they're always accurate, reasonable, or justified.

People can feel rejected when they weren't rejected, feel jealous without genuine cause, or feel certain someone intended to hurt them when they actually didn't. Emotions are influenced by our experiences, biases, and assumptions, so they can mislead us.

Feelings deserve to be acknowledged, but they shouldn't automatically be treated as "evidence" that our interpretation of a situation is always correct.