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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

435 replies

jessywxo · 05/08/2026 19:24

We're on holiday at the moment and this happened yesterday before we went down to the pool.

I'm late 20s and I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years and I'm not pretending otherwise. I don't look the same as I did a few years ago and when I met DH and I'm aware my body has changed.

I've sometimes struggled with my confidence because of it, especially when it comes to things like swimwear but I decided before this holiday that I didn't want to spend the whole time worrying about how I looked.

I brought a bikini that I've had for a while that I always loved and felt good in. It's definitely tighter than it used to be, but I didn't think it looked terrible. I felt comfortable in it and I actually looked in the mirror and thought I looked okay, which can be quite rare.

I came out of the bathroom ready to go and I saw DH give me a funny look.
I asked him what was wrong and he said "Nothing", but I said "No, what is it?"
Eventually he said, "I was just surprised you were wearing that bikini."

I asked him what he meant and he said that he thought it looked too tight and that they were digging in on me. He said he wasn't trying to be horrible, but he was only saying it because he'd rather I knew than walked around the pool feeling uncomfortable or looking silly.

I know he probably wasn't trying to hurt me, but it really upset me. I hadn't asked him what he thought. I wasn't standing there asking if the bikini suited me or if it still fitted, I was just ready to go.

Until then I actually felt quite good about myself. After he said it, I felt really self-conscious and ended up changing into a swimsuit because I didn't feel comfortable wearing the bikini anymore.

I spent the rest of the day feeling rubbish, which annoyed me because my weight and how I look is already something that bothers me and I was trying to make an effort to avoid that..

Last night I told him that his comment had upset me. He said he didn't understand why I was making such a big deal out of it because he hadn't said it to be mean or nasty. He said if he was wearing something that didn't fit properly, he'd want me to tell him. I said I would if he asked me, but I wouldn't just look at him and point something out that I knew would surely make him feel bad.

He's very 'black and white' sometimes and his view seems to be that couples should be honest with each other even if its not nice to hear. I think there are some things you don't need to say unless someone actually asks.

For balance and to be fair to him, he is normally a good husband and I don't think he was trying to be mean/cruel. I just don't know if I'm overreacting, or whether he should have kept that thought to himself in the moment

AIBU to be so upset over this?

OP posts:
yetnothername · 05/08/2026 19:41

You've said "I came out of the bathroom ready to go and I saw DH give me a funny look.I asked him what was wrong and he said "Nothing", but I said "No, what is it?"Eventually he said, "I was just surprised you were wearing that bikini."

You quizzed him until he eventually gave you an answer you didn't like and then you got upset. You shouldn't have asked.

Sherararara · 05/08/2026 19:39

Kimmers4334 · 05/08/2026 19:35

I think you can be the judge of whether your own clothes are comfortable or not so he should’ve kept his mouth shut. Regardless of whatever he says his intentions were, it upset you and he should be able to accept that and apologise

Why should he apologise when the issue is OP having an unreasonable response to his comment? He hasn’t done any wrong and plenty of people value a partner having an honest opinion, me included. If I look bad in something I expect him to tell me and vice versa. The issue here is OP sensitivity.

socks1107 · 05/08/2026 19:38

It doesn’t sound like he was being unkind. You say yourself you’re heavier than when you bought it and maybe it did look like it was digging in? No one can say but you and him but if you’re much heavier it’s very plausible that it doesn’t fit anymore and you’ve squeezed into it. Him pointing it out was clumsy but sounds like it wasn’t nasty.
Bodies come in all sizes and many fluctuate over the years, don’t be hard yourself and enjoy your holiday

Tunnocks34 · 05/08/2026 19:36

You wore something that was too small and your partner pointed it out. Of course your confidence is knocked but I don’t think he has done anything wrong. Our bodies change, and that is normal but it can be difficult.

Kimmers4334 · 05/08/2026 19:35

I think you can be the judge of whether your own clothes are comfortable or not so he should’ve kept his mouth shut. Regardless of whatever he says his intentions were, it upset you and he should be able to accept that and apologise

Favouritefruits · 05/08/2026 19:34

I’d want my husband to tell me if I didn’t look nice in an outfit, but if you’d rather your husband not tell you then this is the perfect time to discuss it so he won’t tell you again. I’d tell my husband if his clothes looked tight and were digging in, I would be telling him matter of factly not in an unkind way.

NinaGeiger · 05/08/2026 19:34

I don't get why he thinks he can give a better assessment of whether your bikini fits you than you can, ie the person actually wearing it

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/08/2026 19:33

Surely if it was too tight, you would've just changed by yourself? The comment does seem to be a bit mean and unnecessary to me. It's also disappointing that he can't just say sorry about hurting your feelings instead of trying to minimise them.

Morepositivemum · 05/08/2026 19:31

Ah I’m so sorry op, I think men think they’re helping. He shouldn’t have said anything

Piccly · 05/08/2026 19:29

I understand why you're upset but really, that's the "fault" of the weight you've gained, not what he said.