DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

Yes of course it’s a huge amount, but it’s not rapid. Rapid is in reference to speed. Not quantity,

I understand why you're upset but really, that's the "fault" of the weight you've gained, not what he said.
No, its the fault of DHs mouth is why she is upset.

I know it’s frustrating but I think you pushed him and he was honest. It is your favourite bikini but if you have put on weight it’s likely it doesn’t fit currently. I would have bought a size up. I think it’s easy to be in denial as bodies change. Sorry it made you feel this way.

19 to 'late 20s', ~30 kilos in 7-10 years is a lot.

ok that’s ridiculous saying someone can only wear a bikini with a 24 inch waistl it’s beyond ridiculous to the extent I’m embarassed for you, and your own body hang ups.

the op can wear a bikini if she wishes, of course she can, and without judgement, she just needs to ensure it fits correctly or it can be very unflattering. He seemed to think it was digging in and riding up. I suspect it was. Bikinis shouldn’t feel tight.

often we think we are smaller than we are, or squeeze into too small clothes in an effort to convince ourselves we are, that the mere fact we can get it on means we can’t be as big as we thought, of course thays nonsense. Many of us have done it, I know I’ve done it with clothes when I gained weight.

i told myself I was a 16, wore stretchy clothes, of course there was no way a size 16 with a fixed waist band would have fitted me, but it made me feel better to think that, if I could still get something on then I couldn’t be that much bigger, could I.

to be fair though, I applaud the ops body confidence, when I was an 18 I wouldn’t have worn a bikini, even one that fit, as I’d have been too self concious, I went for a one piece, but I’ve nothing but admiration for women so body confident they can. And who feel good. There should be no need to hide.

But it needs to fit and not dig in. I’ve out on swimwear that is too small, it didn’t dig in as such, just felt tight, but it didn’t look good at all and made me look even bigger than I was.

I think the issue is that you may have been in self denial about whether your favourite bikini still fitted after your weight gain and were pleased you could still squeeze into it, and were hurt when he pointed out that it looked too tight, when you hadn't ask for his opinion.

His opinion may have been unwanted, but it seems it was a valid one, and and it doesnt seem as if he deliberately intended to criticise you for gaining weight, but rather to prevent you from feeling embarrassed if other people started to stare at you.

I think in the circumstances many other people in similar situations. might have asked for a second opinion, but his opinion knocked your body confidence. Understandably you were hurt as your hadn't asked for his opinion. If however you had asked first , even if he gave the same opinion you may not have been quite so hurt, as you would have been better prepared for the feedback.

To be honest, I would hope my DH would tell me if I didn't look great in something. And to be brutally honest, if someone has put on 'quite a lot of weight' they shouldn't really be wearing a bikini. I only ever wore one when I had a 24" waist, and a flat belly. I know that won't go down well with some posters, and we should be allowed to wear whatever we want lalala, but the truth is that we are going to have some clothes that don't look great when we're carrying extra weight.

Hmm. I always size up when I buy swimwear as I don't like things digging in or not covering my bum properly. Swimwear that's too small can look bad as you get the fat rolls from it digging in even if you're quite slim.

We weren't there. But he was probably trying to be helpful.

I think it’s different if OP had asked for an opinion or was a size 18 trying to squeeze into something that was size 10.

She’s a size 18 in a size 16-18 bikini so a bikini which should technically fit and is hardly going to be cutting into her, she also didn’t ask mumsnet if she’s too fat. She’s not going to magically lose weight in the next 24 hours so let the woman enjoy her holiday without a whole bunch of internet strangers making her feel like shit when all she wanted to do was put on her bikini and go to the pool. She clearly knows she’s gained weight of the years, we all know because she told us so repeating back to her what she’s just said is hardly helpful.

To be fair it is a lot of weight to gain, and you’re clearly unhappy with your own body, it wasn’t just his comment,

I went up to an 18, although I’m quite tall , and I was also uncomfortable with my appearance, so I get the sensitivity, I used weight loss meds to help me get it back down, now a size 8.

i think think through what’s really bothered you here, is it really simply he thought the bikini looked too small, or is it you are uncomfortable with your weight gain and sensitive about comments , If it’s the latter, there are tools available to help us now, as weight gain is not about appearance but it’s about health, and obesity is really dangerous,

You’re projecting your unhappiness with yourself onto your husband.

So, you feel uncomfortable with yourself weight gain - what are you doing about it? Can you start to eat more healthily? Focus on protein and vegetables. And start to increase the number of steps you do each day. Simple things.

It’s not rapid, it’s been 10 years.

Are people confused or something, he didn’t comment on her body at all. How on earth is that similar to her pointing out his stomach.

and his opinion was proactively sought. It wasn’t unsolicited.

if people mean he should have continually refused to answer her or lied to her, I don’t think that’s healthy. I for one would rather know.

I’ve said this to DH before but it was because I was worried he was going to cut off blood supply to half his body trying to button up his trousers. It was a very gentle “sweetheart, are those a bit tight”. He said no and I left it at that. I don’t actually care about how it looks, I was worried because it looked a bit uncomfortable.

Honestly though being a size 18 and in a 16-18 bikini isn’t some sort of mad stretch is it? It may have just looked like it was a bit smaller than last year but it’s hardly going to be squeezing into something several sizes too small is it. Plus on my holiday I wasn’t looking at anyone, I was busy doing my own thing so I wouldn’t have noticed if someones bikini was too small or not, I would have no idea or opinion on whether someones bikini was the correct size or not given that people wear all sorts of bikinis from tiny ones to ones ghat may as well be a full swimsuit.

Your Dh may have just assumed you bought a new one if you got bigger but I can’t imagine Dh noticing tbh. Not surprised you were a bit hurt by that.

I think you need to take some personal responsibility here. You’re not happy with how you look, so why not do something about it.

If you don't want to upset your loved one, you contain yourself and don't give 'funny looks' at the sight of them in a swimsuit. He knew full well once you saw his expression he'd have to explain himself.

On another note OP, I recently had a family member in their 20s go to the GP with the kind of rapid weight gain you have experienced, and they discovered a medical problem behind it. Unless you're 100% sure it's all down to lifestyle, you might want to get it checked out.

My first thought was that you looked lush and he didn't want other men after you, but perhaps I'm overly suspicious. Or perhaps I'm not.

So, DH just reacted with an initial surprised look and you badgered him until he said kindly that your bikini appeared too tight etc.etc.
He reacted how every other person at the pool seeing you would probably have reacted. You admitted that the bikini was tighter.

Buy a new bikini that fits.
I want my DH to tell me if I have lipstick on my teeth, metaphorically speaking.
Your DH did not say that he found you unattractive. He did not want you to be judged cruelly in public.

OP if you really felt good in it,you shouldn't have changed.You were wearing the bikini-not your husband.It doesn't matter how it looks to him, if you feel good in it, wear it.

It's sounds like you have piled on the pounds and your old bikini had become just too tight. Better he tell you now rather than you think it later, having already been out in public. You said yourself your extra inches were digging in. He didn't say it in a nasty way or to mock you, just in a matter of fact way. I would let this go and enjoy the rest of your holiday .

Both could be right. It may be that the style and colour of the bikini looked good on her, but it may also have looked like it was tight and digging into her.

He said "Nothing". That's the universal signal of don't ask again. You chose to ask again, so he gave you an honest answer.

This one's on you @jessywxo

It was the way it was delivered ie pulling a face. No one wants to be looked at like that. Maybe she shouldn't have asked but it could have been delivered in a more sensitive way. I am just saying in all honesty I would probably be hurt too.

And there could be more context we are not aware of. If it was a truly neutral comment delivered in a spirit of support I doubt the OP would be upset enough about it to post here.

However I agree it's not the end of the world and should be moved on from.

Oh come on, give the guy a break. He’s your husband, he’s allowed to say ‘that looks too tight’.

The reason you’re being so sensitive is because you know he’s probably right.

This and you said you’d gained weight and Nikons are tight fitting anyway so he was only saying it as it was.