DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

Can’t lie I’ve not looked at the comments since OP but what I would say is that from the small insight you’ve given I genuinely don’t think it’s him intentionally being nasty, e.g. I’m 34yo now have been with my DH for 10years and know myself that all these years down the line I’ve also put on weight (now approx. 10st at 5ft 5inch) I look MUCH better in a swimsuit than I do in a bikini and would hope that my DH as someone who loves me would let me know what I look best in and not lie to me re something that doesn’t really do me any favours. Xx

Good god. Why do women continue to come to MN looking for reassurance when it's an issue related to being overweight?

Because you won't find much support from the 'sisterhood' on this subject. The general consensus is usually 'well yes, you're fat, you know you're fat, what are you going to do about it?' And they have little tolerance for what they deem to be 'excuses'.

This would be the last place I'd come for weight gain related sympathy.

The bikini does sound unsuitable if it didnt fit you and was far too tight. I don't think your DH did anything wrong by pointing this out.

A proper fitting bikini would do your confidence the world of good and then any comments your H or anyone else made would be water-off-a-ducks back. This comment hurt because deep-down you knew he was probably right.

😂

Her interpretation of his look. He may have had wind.

She asked because he looked at her funny. He didn’t look at her and break into a grin and say ‘you look great’.

If he insisted I told him then I'd be honest and tell him it's too tight. Hell, I'd tell him anyway. There's this wild concept in marriage called honesty, and caring about each other. Surprised at how many people here don't seem to have this kind of relationship

She asked him multiple times until he told her,

My DH and I have made a pact to tell each other if an item of clothing really does look dodgy. He went through a phase of thinking he was a medium so all his tops looked like cropped tops on him so I did say something. Same when he went through his head to toe pastel phase.
He said the same to me when I bought some white (see through) trousers.

He wasn’t as tactful as you, and most women, would have liked. I sympathise.
But maybe this is the nudge you need to take control, cut out the UPFs, get a smaller plate and lose that extra weight? I speak as a woman in my 50s, and from your 40s it gets really really hard to keep the weight off. You’re at a big advantage being in your 20s, and now is the time! Otherwise your 40s and 50s will be really miserable, and it impacts your health and mobility at my age, not just how you look on holiday…

Better your DH tell you discretely that e.g you find out you had a massive camel toe when you look back at holiday photos.

Men can't win though can they!

I would be very surprised if any of the women in here would be so rational and logical about it if they had gained weight and their partners did the same to them. It's hurtful he shouldn't have done that, he should be more sensitive and if you said that to him, for example about a pair of pants pointing out a gut or something I highly doubt that he would be thrilled by it. These types of honesty first men don't seem to be so keen when they are on the receiving end of the truth I've found,

It was completely solicited.

The concept, yes. How it applies here, not a fucking clue.

Just loose some weight if you feel like you need to or buy proper fitting clothes. There’s a size for everyone. Doesn’t sound like your husband said anything wrong. Also you’d think he’d just say sorry he hurt your feelings but lots of men are emotionally deficient anyway. Not surprised.

Could it be something that you might miss yourself when checking in the mirror that other people might see and comment on (a bit too much side boob popping out or ill fitting bottoms giving too much away)? As a younger woman I had a bright pink bikini I thought I looked fab in in the bathroom mirror but once away from the all inclusive resort badly lit bathroom it was completely see through! My friend had to tell me! Your husband didn't say he was surprised to see you in a bikini, he said THAT bikini. As in the bikini is the problem not you.

OP I dunno wtf is going on with the responses but I’d be furious if it was me. Even if it was a bit too tight it’s not as if anyone is sitting round the pool looking at another persons bikini, you can wear whatever you like. I hate unsolicited advice especially if it is negative.

Well, given that OP practically forced him to say if I don't think it can be described as unnecessary. When he said "nothing" she could have left it at that, but she didn't so can't complain that he told her. I would rather someone told me something looked tight and then I could decide if I wanted to do something about that or not and I would also tell a partner if I thought something they were wearing didn't look quite right so they could make the decision for themselves.

It’s probably because you look different from the first time you wore it and it may look tight so he was genuinely surprised. Gently, op, he didnt actually say anything until you pushed him for an answer.

You pushed him, so he answered, which makes you unreasonable.

However I dislike people commenting on my body. I have the opposite issue in that I've lost weight recently, but i really dislike comments on that too. So I totally get why you are unhappy with what he said x

I have a rule of thumb with swimwear, I always wear a size bigger than I am so that it comfortably covers everything without the need to pull the knickers out of my butt every time I get up or down, in or out of the pool, the exception is coming down the kamikaze water ride ofcourse, then it’s just a given!

I actually do the same with normal knickers too. One size bigger.

So if you’re more like a size 18 these days, I’d recommend wearing a size 20 to look fabulous not a size 16, which is likely to show too much and make you look even bigger than you actually are.

Yep that would have upset me to. Just as an interesting parallel, my kids constantly suggest I look minging in a bikini and are horrified when I wear one! I now need to be very firm with them that I do not want anybody else's opinion on my clothes or body, and that I aim for radical acceptance! Maybe you could have the same firm chat with DH. And then we just need to practice what we preach!

You obviously didn’t read my whole post before commenting and before getting your bikini knickers in a twist.