DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

If you read the OP message the interaction was done sensitively after she spotted a subtle reaction..
Another bloke might not have been as diplomatic ..

@everthingisgoingtobefine I certainly wasn’t suggesting he lied to her !
there are so many ways to convey a message, clearly his was judgmental

@lev2002 has nailed it!

She didn't say "how does my outfit look" to him though. He just showed judgement of her through pulling a weird face. I agree if she had asked then he should be honest.
I think if she already knows she gained weight then making faces and making her feel self conscious right that second, when she can do absolutely nothing about the fact she's gained weight, is unreasonable. If he's got an issue much better to bring it up at home than before she heads out in swimwear.

Surely designers can’t be held responsible for people buying and wearing the wrong sized clothes?

sometimes tighter exaggerates . i seen many females in what would look great just next size up not anyone's fault but designers hate there customers

He wasn't going to say anything about it, but she did say go on what is it so then he said what he thought, I don't think he meant to be mean, he's otherwise a decent husband just being honest, better than lies surely, can you only be honest when it's a complement, your husband should be able to be honest., he dousnt sound like he was being mean, just the truth can be hurtful.

Telling someone they look fabulous when you genuinely don’t think they do is lying, yes. Most of us in this thread wouldn’t want a partner who lies to us and tells us everything is wonderful when it clearly isn’t. That isn’t love. It’s telling someone what they want to hear simply to keep the peace, which is ultimately selfish and self-serving.

Honesty and kindness are foundational to any healthy relationship. If you can’t be honest with your partner, then what’s the point?

When I ask my husband how an outfit looks on me, I want the truth. I don’t want him to bullshit me or tell me I look great when he clearly doesn’t think I do. I’d much rather hear, “I don’t think that’s the most flattering outfit on you” than be falsely reassured.

For me, being able to trust my partner to be honest with me -even when the truth isn’t necessarily what I want to hear, is fundamental. If that honesty disappears, that would be a death knell for the relationship.

Eh? How does that relate to this thread, you want him to coach her on her swimwear, emotionally support her on it?

Why do you think making someone feel good means lying !??? Or not being honest !?!
it can mean all sorts of things including partnership/ supporting each other/working towards goals/ encouraging/having a work budy ?! empowering someone
we all have areas that can be improved and it’s nice to have a trusted coach

I completely agree with you.

Having a person’s best interests at heart doesn’t mean blindly lying to them. What kind of a relationship is that?

Weight is too contentious of an issue for too many women. If someone has gained weight then they need to buy bigger clothes. It’s that simple. Why does pointing this out cause such a drama?

I would hate to think my wife was lying to my face - I’m not a child being told Santa is real. I’m a grown adult, as is the OP.

Right, so you changed beyond all recognition from the girl that this bloke started dating x years ago and you're now upset that he's pointed out that yer now a big un... really? 😂

See I just don’t think this, I would rather my husband had my back, and was honest with me, I can’t think of anything worse than my husband lying to my face and thinking something different behind his eyes, to falsely make me feel good, like some form of idiot. I just don’t want that. I want to trust my husband to be honest. Most feel the same I can see from the responses.

and I also don’t think it’s ok to think thr role of your spouse is always to make you feel good. That’s so so needy and unrealistic and really unfair on them. We are responsible for us. To put thay all on one person. And to feel your job is always to make your partner feel good. I’m an individual, I have no desire to spend my days making my husband feel good and lying to him to enable that. I simply can’t see how my marriage would survive under these conditions.

I think a good husband is a husband that makes you feel good !
regardless try and not let this spoil your holiday.
‘perhaps write a plan stating what you would like your body to look like, a time frame for it qnd all the steps small or big that you will take to her to that
wishing you well !

Fwiw, if he thought it too tight or that it was not a good look then it is pretty likely many others in public would think the same. Imagine getting the same looks (maybe even comments) from strangers had you gone out. I think you had a lucky escape. Your upset is probably really because you have put on some weight and don't quite suit a bikini you once did, not because your OH pointed it out. So i think you are being unreasonable to your OH but I understand and acknowledge why you feel upset. I think you should direct your upset towards either losing some weight to fit in your bikini or accept you are happy as you are.

Bikinis (and one pieces too come to that) are supposed to be tight. Who's ever heard of a baggy bikini. Skin tight is the name of the game.

She said herself it was tight. Sometimes when you put on weight you go a bit blind to what size is flattering and what’s not, And a lot of fat people walk around wearing way too tight clothes. We’ve all seen it. (I’m fat too btw)

Well can’t edit it now , no offence intended.

how I look is already something that bothers me and I was trying to make an effort to avoid that..

This is the ultimate problem, that you're avoiding it.

That’s an assumption you really shouldn’t have made, I’m fairly sure if she had kids she’d have said. It’s not just parents who use this site.

It was an assumption because it’s mums net that she has children.

What? She never said she’s got kids?

I don’t think it’s really about what he said or how he said it , I think it’s more about how you feel about yourself. You said you have gained weight and this has reduced your self confidence. It’s not unjustified to feel how you do but you are possibly a little sensitive because of how you feel about yourself and you’re projecting that onto him. Personally I’d rather my husband be honest and say if something doesn’t fit well or look good on me. From your post it doesn’t sound like you were 💯 on board with the bikini and just wearing something that fit and was the best out of a bunch. I would say to embrace your new post birthing shape, remind yourself your body has done amazing things and treat yourself to a new bikini/ swimwear that you can feel totally body confident in because you deserve it and forgive your husband his lack of tact once in a while. Show him your sexy self in your new swimmers.

Truth hurts .
It what people do
Like it or not .
Kick start what YOU WOULD REALLY LIKE TO BE HAPPY WITH .
IT can be done .

They posted to get a reaction, they don't understand the difference between 'physics' & 'physique', and needed to name change to post at all. Ignore.

Oh wow 😮 what do you think you’re doing? Do you think speaking to people like that is going to make them take up a health and fitness regime? Shame on you for shaming another woman.