To not tell her parents?

Of course it's not acceptable. When did teenagers ever stick to parentally acceptable behaviour? Seeing what rules you can break is part of teenage boundary testing behaviour.

@chirrupybird
Not necessarily - yes if the girl comes from a nice, stable, loving home telling the parents is the best course of action.

But OP hasn't told us (and may not know) anything about this girls background, she could be put at more risk by telling the parents what happened. There is far more nuance to this than "underage sex bad - tell parents"

Just to let everyone know I have spoken to the girls mum.

All is fine, no assault took place and nobody needs to phone the police. They’re just two teenagers, three months apart being teenagers.

My younger child is also fine, they were scared to see someone they didn’t expect and came to tell us straight away which is exactly what we want them to do, they are not permanently traumatised by seeing a teenage boy in our house.

Obviously it’s easy to think your teens don’t lie to you or sneak behind your back if you’ve never caught them. A lot of the parents judging here don’t know exactly what there teenagers are up to.

dd is in trouble and I have spoken to her about it a lot since but she’s not going to be excessively punished just given less trust for the time being. Her and her friend didn’t have to own up and tell me exactly what had happened because I thought he was on his way in not his way out. I’m disappointed they lied and broke the rules in the first but I’m glad they felt they could immediately fess up and were willing to apologise and talk about it sensibly.

Thankyou for the helpful replies.

I would absolutely tell them.

And i suspect youre thinking or not telling them, not for this girls privacy but because of how it reflects on you. A boy you dont know snuck into your house for sex with a friend of your daughter. How did that even happen? Where did it happen?

This isn't just 2 teens in love. They had sex at a sleep over with other girls, younger kid home, where did they get privacy? This is gross behavoiur in your home. I would absolutely speak to her parents.

And id speak to his if you know who he is. Whats he doing breaking into your home for sex?

I would absolutely tell them.

And i suspect youre thinking or not telling them, not for this girls privacy but because of how it reflects on you. A boy you dont know snuck into your house for sex with a friend of your daughter. How did that even happen? Where did it happen?

This isn't just 2 teens in love. They had sex at a sleep over with other girls, younger kid home, where did they get privacy? This is gross behavoiur in your home. I would absolutely speak to her parents.

And id speak to his if you know who he is. Whats he doing breaking into your home for sex?

@penflapup well fortunately MNHQ agreed and deleted your hideous accusation.

What-iffing about a non existent older sibling is irrelevant and verging on batshit.

They should not have sneaked in a stranger (gender irrelevant) - puts the OP in an unfair and tricky situation

They should not have had sex in someone else home - bad manners regardless of anything else, the underage element isn't important.

You are projecting your feelings onto all the other things, this kind of thing happened fairly often in my teen friendship group, no one was pressured or shamed or bullied. Most of us are still friends now!

All the teens involved behaved badly but it isn't because of the underage sex specifically..

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

No, was basing that reply on what happened 4-5 years ago when a similar situation arose at my DC’s school. SS was sent in to do a check because of the sneaking in/out of homes to see each other at night and parents not registering it. There were younger children in the household, so it was [briefly] investigated.

Not everyone here is a Google addict. Some of us live in the real world and are old enough to have encountered many of the situations people OP about.

Our family has also been subject to not one but two in-depth, lengthy social services investigations due to concerns for my eldest and the second one was about the impact their behaviour was having on my youngest, which triggered a safeguarding assessment and more home/school investigations.

But carry on sneering from your position of superior knowledge.

Age of consent around Europe

14 or 15 more common than 16

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_consent_in_Europe

Of course you tell them. Wouldn't you want them to tell you?

How is this remotely relevant? I mean children of 8 can be married in countries with numerically larger populations than the uk - the fact is that we are bound by the laws in this country - stating that something is legal in other countries is surely neither here nor there?!

Erm she is not 16 , and she had sex probably unprotected in your house , under your watch !!! Of course you tell her parents ! Why the fuck wouldn't you

I can’t help but think about my own mum.
Had Í been the daughter with the sleepover and one of my friends snuck her boyfriend in to copulate in my parents home,
MY MOTHER WOULD’VE EXPLODED.
It would’ve sounded like a sonic boom heard from 100,000 miles away.
All the girls’ mothers would’ve rushed over asking if that was *A SONIC BOOM THEY HEARD COMING FROM OUR HOUSE AND MY MUM WOULD HAVE ASKED ME AND THE GUILTY GIRL TO EXPLAIN EXACTLY WHAT WENT ON (well, not asking so much as demanding).
Nobody would have escaped unscathed from that.
I wish standards and morals were what they once used to be.
That’s all I’m saying.
And I wish little girls were as afraid of their mother’s consequences as I was.
It was a deep, very deep fear. lol
And I don’t know why - all she ever did was thunder about. But - yikes.
I miss that old loving thunder storm ❤️

This is an utterly batshit response. @Mooselander was bad enough “I’d never let my child in your house again”? Errrr, in this scenario it’s your child that sneaked the boy in….isn’t that something you need to address with her? Or do you always blame other people for your own child’s behaviour?
But @pepperminticecream accusations are off the chart! Op was “obviously drunk”? Why was she?
Where do you live? Unless it’s absolutely tiny, it is not difficult for a group of determined teenagers to sneak someone in and unless, like PP said, you do a full sweep of all potential hiding places, every hour, you’d never know.
They ALL need to be told that sneaking someone in is not ok.
As an aside, I did my own fair share of sneaking around when I was a teenager. But what I did notice, when I went to university? The people who’d had the super strict, helicopter parents, who managed and monitored everything? They were the ones in the hospital having their stomach pumped, or having sex with loads of unsuitable men.