Letting newborn cry for a little while - dealing with other children?

Yes I definitely never carried mine around in a sling, I think I used it once or twice when out.

Are you being sarcastic?
Because yes, it's their only way of communicating and also yes, it's not the same as me crying for ten mins. I can rationalise my situation - a tiny baby left to cry only experiences overwhelming panic.

A healthy baby will come to no harm if they cry for five minutes occasionally while a mother is tending to another child’s also urgent needs or going to the loo.

Same here - with twins it’s highly likely that one will cry whilst you are sorting out the other. I didn’t use slings or carriers or contact nap. They slept in their cots or on the floor of the play pen. No damage done.

@AnneLovesGilbert

”just suck it up”

so much empathy for, OP…

I think she’s too young to be left, unless you need the toilet or something.

At that age they still think they’re a part of you and so being left for too long can be distressing.

Can you work on putting her in a Moses basket or something?

I don’t blame you for not wanting to carry her in a carrier all day.

I think you have to.

As short a time as possible / necessary and as close to you as possible and that’s fine

I think you can trust your instincts too on the difference between hysterical, distressed wailing and a baby who is groaning and grumbling.

With my first I picked him up at any sign of discomfort to the point where I’d need the loo for hours or not eat all day - that was unsustainable and unhealthy and with my second I do consciously let myself eat, drink water and use the loo even if the baby is a bit annoyed!

These threads always make me feel sick. I never left my firstborn to cry but she would cry for hours every day anyway because she had stomach pains and eczema. Holding her never calmed her down. And when she was first born she was in ICU and I distinctly remember the doctors wouldn’t let me hold her while she screamed for up to 40 minutes as they tried repeatedly to take her blood by inserting needles over and over again.

she’s now almost 5 and cries at the drop of a hat, is scared of the dark and generally very needy. I am so scared all the prolonged crying as a baby has neurologically affected her, even though she was through it by 6 months.

It's fine. Things have to get done or you need the toilet / shower.

Of course it’s fine. I wouldn’t have just left my baby to cry for no reason but I absolutely did leave them to cry so I could go to the loo or have a quick shower. Also when tending to the older child. It’s completely normal and sensible. Obviously not leaving them to cry for ages or ignoring them for no reason. But to meet your basic needs or ensure your other children are safe/cared for, of course you let them cry. People suggesting otherwise are mad!

I came on to say exactly this, including realising my son would grizzle for a few minutes before he dropped off.

Looking at my strapping 19 year olds, I think they’ve survived.

At night when they woke, I'd always go for a wee before settling/feeding them. I didn't want to get stuck desperate for a wee but also that minute pause often meant they fell back asleep. I didn't leave them for any longer than that though unless truly unavoidable.

Like many here I used slings a lot so they got contact cuddles whilst getting on with other things. Obviously they weren't in slings the entire time and there were times when I couldn't comfort them immediately - ie in the car or changing the older ones nappy. I wouldn't plan to make them wait though

Of course it's fine. Think about it: for most of human history it was common for people to have 8 or 10 or 12 kids. Most of the humans who have ever lived have spent a lot of time waiting for mum to finish dealing with another kid. And just a few decades ago the advice was "feed them every four hours and never pick them up in between". It didn't breed a generation (well, a lot of generations) of psychopaths.

Some people are weirdly invested in convincing women that they are monsters if they ever dare to think that they are human beings who also matter. Like, yeah, you're allowed to take two minutes to wipe another child's backside. But not because you might actually need or want to do something for yourself. Reject maternal-maryrdom culture.

I was a single parent to a toddler and baby. My youngest basically lived in my arms or strapped to me. My toddler never had tantrums though so maybe I was quite lucky.

It helped me get some time to myself if I wore a blanket/jumper between me and baby, then swaddled him in it when I needed to lay him down for a little while. Not sure if it was the heat remaining or my scent but it definitely worked for us.

@Mooselander

what about going to the toilet? That takes at least a few minutes.

I agree, I can remember my oldest crying in the early days and thinking I was losing my mind. I thought about putting her moses basket in the wardrobe so I wouldn't be able to hear her. I didn't do it and I'm horrified by the thought now but at the time I just needed a minute.

Yeh a few mins while they are close by (can hear your voice even) and you’re busy doing something necessary isn’t what ‘leaving a newborn to cry’ is, it’s just life with more than 1 kid and no maids. My baby cried for a few mins while I wiped older ones bum/drained the pasta/ put the older child in her cot - there are some things you can’t do with a sling on and that’s ok. It’s also ok if you are busy with something for a few mins or just need a breath.. you have to consider your own needs - if you need to go to the loo etc.

Of course baby will be ok if they cry for 2 or 3 minutes, they aren’t going to self combust. in fact baby might just settle if they are put down in the crib for a couple of minutes.

And I agree about not having them strapped to you all the time in a heatwave. My new granddaughter hasn’t been in her sling much in the hot weather because Ds and Dil are concerned about her overheating in it.

I'm surprised at some of the responses you're getting on here. I wouldn't think it's ideal to leave a baby to cry but sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do. Obviously it's stressful for you and that's the point of the baby crying.
Do you have a bouncy/vibrating chair/swing (whatever is okay in the baby world these days) I had a swing with batteries in that my baby would be okay in for a little while. I used a sling too, can get a little warm but with just a vest top underneath it was fine, I missed slinging when I stopped.

Good luck, you can only do your best.
Congratulations on your little one.

Dummy! Kept me sane at this stage - and my older DD loved that we could all have dinner together (5 mins probably) with baby contentedly sucking in between evening cluster-fuckery. Also meant we could leave the house peacefully. As they get older use it only for naps.

5-10 minutes? No. That’s awfully long and will just stress you and the poor little baby out.

This! You mentioned you were struggling mentally, OP. Making sure baby is fed and clean and taking a break for a few minutes to collect yourself is okay. If you are at your mental limit, it is much better to leave baby in cot and walk away than to tend to a baby while in the middle of a mental health situation.

Please reach out to health visitor, GP, etc if you think medical care/medication would be helpful right now.

Best of luck!

if you have twins then there is no option.

if both are crying and need a nappy change one has to wait.