Letting newborn cry for a little while - dealing with other children?

A couple of minutes is fine, not ten minutes though that’s abit much in my opinion! I’ve been there myself I have 3 children and sometimes it can’t be avoided

Agree. I can think of many situations where I didn't have a choice, the baby had to wait while I tended to my other children. There are situations where the older siblings have to come first, it's the reality of having more than one child. And that's nothing to feel bad about, because a baby isn't permanently traumatised by crying for ten minutes if its needs are ultimately attended to!

I have a shower every day - more than one if I’ve been for a run or to the gym - why - because I want to - new baby or not - a shower was a part of my morning routine.

@Mooselander

of course she had to shower daily! Even prisoners are able to shower daily. It’s basic personal hygiene.

I think its fine, and inevitable that baby will be left to cry for a few minutes at times. I did co-sleep, extended breastfeeding etc, but you can't instantly attend every need of both children 24/7.
A great tip I got given which I haven't seen mentioned is, whenever you do have to let baby cry for a few minutes is to call "sorry baby you'll have to wait as older child needs me first". Baby hasn't got a clue what you're saying, but it reassures the older child (who will regularly be told to wait while you look after baby) that they are equal ranking to baby with you.

When I had a very little baby I was also pumping milk for the local NICU milk bank. Part of their protocol was that the breast were washed with soapy water every day.

Before that I was showering to keep stitches clean along side all the post baby bleeding.

I’d say both of the above were times when a daily shower was necessary.

My children aren’t babies now and I absolutely don’t shower every day but I don’t feel the need to belittle people who do.

I don't really think we have to worry about wild animals bigger than us taking our babies away to eat.

I read Gina Ford's book and found it more useful that some of the more modern ones but I love routine and I feel like it's made me a better parent.

But that's exactly why parents need to do what they feel is best because different things will work for different people.

God forbid a mother shower daily. How dare she.

You have my absolute sympathy OP. Those first few weeks going from one to two can be really hard because a lot of the things you learned with No1 don't always translate when you have 2. But, trust me, the baby will be absolutely fine if they have to cry it out a few minutes long term because they have the most crucial part, a Mum who really cares. You've got this!

I had one of those womb music tapes for my 3rd and it was a godsend.. He'd lie in the pram awake but content while I got the other 2 ready for school.

I think a few minutes is fine and necessary sometimes. Also a difference between leaving them alone in a room to cry and having them in a bouncer/on the floor where they can still see you and you can speak to them. I’d never have had a shower if I didn’t let mine cry sometimes

My eldest also hated the sling and was a non stop cryer when put down. I disagree entirely that its damaging to a new baby to wait a few minutes but not damaging to a 2 year old, only just starting to gain a sense of “other” to be told they have to wait constantly when you have a crying baby. Its a great recipe for creating resentment. If you have twins, as PP say - which baby do you expect to learn they are not the only one?

My newest DGC was born just before this heatwave started and is apparently the reincarnation of my first born. Honestly my heart goes out to you - do what you need to survive and keep all of you going until the weather breaks. In another week or two you will hit the 6 week mark which tends to be a point of improvement.
Your DC have a mother sufficiently concerned about doing the best for them that she is willing to brave AIBU at a difficult time - they have already won the life lottery.

I remember a time when child #1 was a baby and I was in the car stuck in traffic with him wailing because he was hungry. There was nothing I could do until I got to the supermarket further down the road, I couldn't stop, I couldn't touch him because I was driving so just had to try talk to him.

It felt like forever but can't have been more than 5 minutes really.

Yes it was horrible for him and for me but sometimes there is no alternative, it is what it is. There are times when a baby just has to wait, you could be having a really difficult poo!!

Incidentally my firstborn hated all carriers and being held with a passion, I could never snuggle him after a feed, he would squirm and be desperate to be free. The youngest was happy to be carried/snuggled but now they are 9 and 11 it's child #1 that wants the contact and child #2 isn't all that bothered.

I think you might be thinking of marsupials. We absolutely are mammals, and it's actually not at all common for mammal babies to be exclusively carried by their mothers for extended periods. Monkeys are frequently seen to be carrying their babies, most notably while travelling, which is an entirely separate situation than just lounging around with your baby suctioned onto you.

Pretty well every single person currently alive on the planet would have cried for a few minutes as an infant occasionally.

I know lots of grandparents who advocate Gina Ford and say that all their kids turned out fine.

I also know their kids, and know that they are absolutely not "just fine"! That's just one of those phrases all older generations use to justify what they did. It doesn't mean anything.

Leaving your baby for a couple of minutes is ok, but let's not go down the route of pretending GF was all fine and dandy.

You're doing everything correctly! You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. Up to 6 months she'll be like that because she's adjusting to everthing new. Make sure she's dry, feed, burped and leave her in her safe cot. Btw, you'll know what cry is a real danger and which one is just "carry me around I love your smell" and when you leave her to cope with her "I'm bored" cry she'll grow up as an incredibly independent,strong and intelligent child.

But yet the current generation don't let the older kids be more ndependent, at least in the western world. So that's just picking one bit on ancestors habits

So if it's the " right" way for babies then why isn't it the right way for older kids to be more independent??

I'm no fan of gina Ford as I think it's even more bloody restricted to parents lives as well ( id go insane being so bound to a routine) but I do know people who used it and their kids grew up fine

When I had two at a similar age I used to work out who could settle first? So if the toddler needed a couple of minutes to help/get snack etc while baby needed a feed (40 min etc). I would let the baby cry while sorting out the toddler then I could feed the baby.

its tough when there are two small people and you have to choose. You won’t be able to make both happy all of the time. There will be times when they both cry and then you cry too. Once I accepted that I had to choose - I cried a lot less. Plus it will get easier!

If you look back at how our distant ancestors parented, and how non- Westernised tribes in eg the Brazilian rainforest parent today, you will find that they keep their babies close all the time and the babies' needs are met immediately and they rarely cry. Their older children learn to be independent a lot earlier than ours do. It's instinctive parenting. What you're talking about makes us put aside our instincts. I recommend reading The Continuum Concept rather than Gina Ford.

You are aware that babies cry to block.out the world as well aren't you? Not all crying is distress.

Some of these posts are nuts. Get a grip.

When my daughter was newborn there would be this time early evening where she just wanted to breastfeed constantly for hours. it wasn't possible when I had to cook dinner for my 5 year old son. So I had to put her in the bouncer while cooking in kitchen. She could see me so wasn't like I was leaving her alone. But sometimes it's just not possible to hold your baby all the time. Especially if you have other children that have needs that need to be met also. Shes perfectly fine! A little crying hasn't damaged her!

Your baby will be fine being left to crying for a few minutes.

Of course people shower every day, even when they’re not dealing with babies throwing up milk, shitty nappies and breastfeeding. It’s absolutely not selfish to allow yourself a few minutes of self care. The baby is safe and can cope with being alone for a few minutes without anything terrible happening.

Oh bless. You’ve convinced yourself you’re unhygienic if you don’t shower daily 🤣

I breastfed two children continuously for 5 years. A shower everyday was never necessary 🤣