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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should my sister pay half?

51 replies

loggerlikesweet261 · 04/08/2026 18:03

I am looking after my nephew (age 5) during the holidays for my sister as she has no other childcare. She lives an hour away (approx.) I was taking him home on Sunday and he projectile vomited in the back of my car - really bad.

My sis cleaned it as best as she could when I got to her house, and then when I came home my husband used our VAX cleaner to proper clean it. But, the smell is lingering.

I’ve booked the car in for an interior valet this weekend. Unsure what the cost will be. I’ve told my sister and I kind of expected her to at least offer to pay towards it? But no such offer was made. I don’t want to make things awkward so I will just pay for it but I was wondering what the majority would think in this situation?

YABU - it’s your car, you pay
YANBU - it was your sisters kid who was sick, she should offer

OP posts:
momtoboys · 04/08/2026 18:42

If she doesn't at least offer to pay it, she should be ashamed of herself.

NotAnotherScarf · 04/08/2026 18:47

Fokouebiyemassi · 04/08/2026 18:15

does it everything gave to have money attached to it? It’s your nephew for the love of God. What next, charge your sister for your nephew’s lunch? I would not have offered to pay anything either, not because I am a cheeky fucker, because I wouldn’t expect my sister to charge me for the mess her nephew made. I am so glad I come from a family where we look out for each other without expecting anything in return. Your poor sister.

I see your point...but the op is saving the sister hundreds of pounds, so to offer to pay would be nice.

If he'd broken a neighbours window kicking a football would you expect the op to pay or the sister?

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 04/08/2026 18:53

I would have offered to pay to pay full amount . Im assuming you're doing her a favour by providing childcare, and obviously spending time with your nephew, however I would offer and really wouldnt take no for an answer.

Nearly50omg · 04/08/2026 18:53

She should also at the bare minimum be paying for your petrol!!

MyDarlingRose · 04/08/2026 18:53

No. He vommed on your time. I wouldn’t take money from my sister, mother of a young child, because the kid did something kids do while he was under your care.

Bedroomdilemmas113 · 04/08/2026 19:07

It’s hard because if it was my child I would pay, but if it was my niece I wouldn’t accept any payment….

I think the bottom line is that you want her to pay, so you need to just tell her that.

Fokouebiyemassi · 04/08/2026 19:08

NotAnotherScarf · 04/08/2026 18:47

I see your point...but the op is saving the sister hundreds of pounds, so to offer to pay would be nice.

If he'd broken a neighbours window kicking a football would you expect the op to pay or the sister?

Show quote history

This is a health issue not an accident. I would never expect a friend to pay never mind my sister if I had volunteered to mind the child and they were sick. If they damaged property, that would be another issue.

Didimum · 04/08/2026 19:10

I would offer to pay if it were me, but does your sister have any financial worries?

Fokouebiyemassi · 04/08/2026 19:13

Pedaling · 04/08/2026 18:21

So the OP should be out of pocket just because it's family. Hmm Also of course his mother should pay for any mess he made and for his lunch, why should his aunt cover those costs.

Show quote history

Because she volunteered to look after her nephew and he’s family. He’s not someone off the street. I just find low to charge family to spend time with them. How much would a 5 year old that the sister would have to pay for? Plus who is not to say he was sick because of what he ate whilst in the auntie’s care.

thepariscrimefiles · 04/08/2026 19:21

Fokouebiyemassi · 04/08/2026 18:15

does it everything gave to have money attached to it? It’s your nephew for the love of God. What next, charge your sister for your nephew’s lunch? I would not have offered to pay anything either, not because I am a cheeky fucker, because I wouldn’t expect my sister to charge me for the mess her nephew made. I am so glad I come from a family where we look out for each other without expecting anything in return. Your poor sister.

Are you fucking joking? It sounds as though OP is looking after her nephew for free for the whole of the six week summer holidays. That is an absolutely massive favour! She is saving her sister hundreds of pounds and she also seems to be picking her nephew up and taking him home, a two hour journey there and back. She is now also out of pocket due to having to have her car interior professionally cleaned.

If you wouldn't offer to pay for the cleaning in those circumstances you are as much of a cheeky fucker as OP's sister.

Pedaling · 04/08/2026 19:22

Fokouebiyemassi · 04/08/2026 19:13

Because she volunteered to look after her nephew and he’s family. He’s not someone off the street. I just find low to charge family to spend time with them. How much would a 5 year old that the sister would have to pay for? Plus who is not to say he was sick because of what he ate whilst in the auntie’s care.

Show quote history

I love that you've concluded she volunteered. It sounds rather like she was forced into the situation because he's family and she has no one else to look after him...

DedododoDedadada · 04/08/2026 19:29

If it has been cleaned twice, it probably doesn't need a processing valet as well. Sometimes we think we can still smell something bad because we know it has been there

Hankunamatata · 04/08/2026 21:05

Is sister paying you in any form for childcare and petrol?

Fokouebiyemassi · 04/08/2026 23:37

Pedaling · 04/08/2026 19:22

I love that you've concluded she volunteered. It sounds rather like she was forced into the situation because he's family and she has no one else to look after him...

Show quote history

Oh come on , forced 😂😂. Of course the OP wasn’t forced. She hasn’t alluded that she felt forced to help her sister. She did an amazing thing by babysitting. I am sure her sister was very grateful. That’s what families do for each other.

Laurmolonlabe · 04/08/2026 23:38

I think you are amazingly generous supplying childcare, and not insisting the child is picked up- I would send the invoice to your sister, if she doesn't pay say you will review providing childcare in the future, because unforseen costs need to be paid for.

Violetwall · 04/08/2026 23:55

I definitely would have thought she should pay.
That is some enormous favour you are doing for her.
Baking soda is amazing with white vinegar for cleaning these types of smells.

Pedaling · 05/08/2026 06:20

Fokouebiyemassi · 04/08/2026 23:37

Oh come on , forced 😂😂. Of course the OP wasn’t forced. She hasn’t alluded that she felt forced to help her sister. She did an amazing thing by babysitting. I am sure her sister was very grateful. That’s what families do for each other.

Show quote history

So you think this child's aunt would choose to have a 5 year old all summer, driving him an hour each way by the sounds of it and having him even on the weekend with likely no financial support because she enjoys his company and he's family.

There will absolutely be some forcing going on here, she alludes to it with her statement that her sister apparently has no other childcare and she feel awkward discussing this issue with her. The OP most likely faced a lot of family pressure and guilt tripping. This is way beyond some babysitting to help out.

Fokouebiyemassi · 05/08/2026 10:39

Pedaling · 05/08/2026 06:20

So you think this child's aunt would choose to have a 5 year old all summer, driving him an hour each way by the sounds of it and having him even on the weekend with likely no financial support because she enjoys his company and he's family.

There will absolutely be some forcing going on here, she alludes to it with her statement that her sister apparently has no other childcare and she feel awkward discussing this issue with her. The OP most likely faced a lot of family pressure and guilt tripping. This is way beyond some babysitting to help out.

Show quote history

OP has free will and could always say no. Unless the OP states it explicitly, you are assuming she’s forced because you probably wouldn’t help out a relate for free all summer.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 05/08/2026 11:07

If I was your sister I would have the paid the whole amount

MyLeftArmpit · 05/08/2026 11:41

If she doesn’t pay then it’s the perfect opportunity to say you’re no longer available for childcare. It sounds as though she’s a piss taker as it is tbh.

BMW58 · 05/08/2026 11:43

Fokouebiyemassi

Is the sister isn't she 😂

Loulou4022 · 05/08/2026 14:03

Another vote for she should pay for the whole thing! How you go about having that conversation with her is another matter!

Original poster
loggerlikesweet261 · 05/08/2026 21:06

An update: she agreed to pay half but is outraged at the total cost (£130). I feel like she should be grateful at only having to pay £65.00

OP posts:
BMW58 · 05/08/2026 21:35

Does she pay you for this childminding?

She should pay for it entirely IMO!

Inertia · 05/08/2026 21:40

loggerlikesweet261 · 05/08/2026 21:06

An update: she agreed to pay half but is outraged at the total cost (£130). I feel like she should be grateful at only having to pay £65.00

Wait until she finds out what childcare costs!

Anyone accepting such a massive favour has no right to be outraged when their favour costs someone else a little of money.

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