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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What sort of family would you not want to marry into?

143 replies

BeLimeViewer · 04/08/2026 15:47

A criminal one

OP posts:
MadisonMarieParksValetta · 04/08/2026 19:43

A staunch Rangers supporting family.

SENsupportplease · 04/08/2026 19:30

Will leave you all to decide which of the above categories my family fit in to 😬😂

SENsupportplease · 04/08/2026 19:25

Criminal
Racist
A cold family - no hugs etc, sending 7 year olds to boarding school etc
Unambitious (career / education)
Insolvent
Globe-trotters
Unstable
Drug users
Abusive
Mentally ill to the point of hospitalisation or self harm / suicide
Massive foodies (I’d be the size of a house)
A culture that was completely alien to my own
Royals

I wouldn’t have married into my own family 😂

Simonjt · 04/08/2026 19:18

Indianajet · 04/08/2026 16:41

I married the man, not his family. I wouldn't have married him if he was a criminal/racist/homophonic etc. but his families opinions would be theirs, not his.

Same, my husbands parents aren’t pleasant people, he’s wonderful.

SarahAndQuack · 04/08/2026 19:12

I don't think it is snobby to think about poverty.

My ex's family are very poor because they have no work ethic. When I met my ex, neither she nor any of her three siblings was working full time; her parents were long-term benefit claimants. And her dad had been sanctioned for fiddling his benefits, which I know is pretty unusual.

At the time I thought I ought to not be snobby and I ought not to assume anything. But, actually, their attitude to money goes very deep. One SIL is not like this at all - she's ended up with a decent job; she works hard, etc. But the others all genuinely believe someone else owes them. There is always an expectation that if you can get something by being greedy, you should, and if you can avoid work (not just paid work, but effort in general), you should.

It is really bloody depressing. It followed me around - my ex was quite happy to take whatever she could get from me; she chronically lied about money. I have to work really hard with DD to counterbalance the messages from DP about how money should work.

I would never, ever be blase about it again. I would, I'm afraid, but looking at why this family is poor. I was really naive and just assumed that if someone could talk the talk, they must be honest. I would now think really hard about how much family shapes you and your assumptions.

Pinkissmart · 04/08/2026 19:06

IronEverything · 04/08/2026 18:56

Where did I say poor people are beneath me? I have no desire to be poor so why would I marry someone poor?

And as for my second point, nothing snobby about that. All types of people have step or "blended" families and i wouldn't want to be part of one.

The thread is about what sort of FAMILY you wouldn’t want to marry into.

IronEverything · 04/08/2026 18:56

Pinkissmart · 04/08/2026 17:51

Your first 2 points are outrageously snobby.
You think poor people are beneath you? How shallow.

Where did I say poor people are beneath me? I have no desire to be poor so why would I marry someone poor?

And as for my second point, nothing snobby about that. All types of people have step or "blended" families and i wouldn't want to be part of one.

mtobrokeme · 04/08/2026 18:53

A left wing/liberal family
A blended one.

TVDinnerandwine · 04/08/2026 18:50

JHound · 04/08/2026 18:47

TDH?

Tall dark handsome 😂

JHound · 04/08/2026 18:47

TVDinnerandwine · 04/08/2026 18:46

Yes, but it was a factor that influenced my thinking. I def acted as a matchmaker to myself. Degree, good job, hardworking, family values, family money, TDH.

TDH?

TVDinnerandwine · 04/08/2026 18:46

JHound · 04/08/2026 18:05

Did you like your husband / wife / spouse at all?

Yes, but it was a factor that influenced my thinking. I def acted as a matchmaker to myself. Degree, good job, hardworking, family values, family money, TDH.

EllaAtLarge · 04/08/2026 18:27

An Islamic Fundamenalist one.

JLou08 · 04/08/2026 18:26

One that looks down on people from different backgrounds. The kind of people who wouldn't want their children associating with children from working class families.
One that doesn't provide support to vulnerable family members.

Urgentbiscuitrequired · 04/08/2026 18:25

Pinkissmart · 04/08/2026 17:58

Again, I’m shocked people are so snobby about poverty. How depressing.
I have a one income household, have enough for everything I need and quite a bit that I want, but I’m probably looked at as ‘poor’.
I’m staggered that people would judge my wonderful, smart, kind, educated children on the fact that I AM poor and divorced.

Christ on a fucking bike people disappoint me.

Yes but would you like your child to marry into a family with those views? I wouldn't want them to marry into a family with such shallow, judgemental views. It would be very toxic.

It will probably come as a shock to them that poor people can be educated too!

Am I allowed to say Royal Family? That would be an utter nightmare because I like my privacy.

saveforthat · 04/08/2026 18:17

HollyhocksandPeons · 04/08/2026 18:12

Just say it outloud

Ps out loud is two words or you could use aloud.

saveforthat · 04/08/2026 18:15

HollyhocksandPeons · 04/08/2026 18:12

Just say it outloud

What? Do you think there is only one culture this can refer to?

Sartre · 04/08/2026 18:12

A snobby one with a superiority complex.

HollyhocksandPeons · 04/08/2026 18:12

saveforthat · 04/08/2026 16:05

One where the "culture" demands you act in a certain way (usually complying to the belief that women are second class citizens).

Just say it outloud

HollyhocksandPeons · 04/08/2026 18:10

Pinkissmart · 04/08/2026 17:51

Your first 2 points are outrageously snobby.
You think poor people are beneath you? How shallow.

Probably does not think they are beneath her, just does not want to be rinsed at every opportunity.

JHound · 04/08/2026 18:10

I will say though - I would maybe struggle to be with somebody from a very posh / upper class family.

I am common as much / part of the underclass by birth and would be too stressed trying to have my rough family around his posh one (though I love my family.) I would prefer a man from a working class background but who had done well for himself!

HollyhocksandPeons · 04/08/2026 18:06

scatterolight · 04/08/2026 15:54

Families with divorce, kids by multiple dads, blended families, families where members have gone "no contact". Basically all red flags for marriage stability and family cohesion.

This

JHound · 04/08/2026 18:05

TVDinnerandwine · 04/08/2026 15:58

I married for money, so a poor one

Did you like your husband / wife / spouse at all?

JHound · 04/08/2026 18:03

BeLimeViewer · 04/08/2026 15:47

A criminal one

A racist one. Maybe not a criminal one but it depends on how much distance I can place and how much risk it causes to my life.

Also one that is too interfering.

Pinkissmart · 04/08/2026 17:58

hattie43 · 04/08/2026 16:56

An Animal hating rough poor family .

Again, I’m shocked people are so snobby about poverty. How depressing.
I have a one income household, have enough for everything I need and quite a bit that I want, but I’m probably looked at as ‘poor’.
I’m staggered that people would judge my wonderful, smart, kind, educated children on the fact that I AM poor and divorced.

Christ on a fucking bike people disappoint me.

Culpeper · 04/08/2026 17:55

A boring one. I did. Family gatherings are torture.

*My husband escaped the dull gene.