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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What sort of family would you not want to marry into?

167 replies

BeLimeViewer · 04/08/2026 15:47

A criminal one

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AnitaCam · 10/08/2026 09:58

I would run a mile from a family in a cult like religion that discourages independent thought.
I would avoid any family that don’t prioritise education and self responsibility.

PrincessFairyWren · 10/08/2026 09:47

One with a dickhead son.

unfortunately I didn’t realise my folly until it was too late.

BrownWoodenChair · 10/08/2026 09:46

My dh is an only child with his mum who is normal. Thank god

RedPony1 · 10/08/2026 09:12

A big and/or close family.

A family that doesn't like the outdoors

A religious family

EtsyKetsy · 10/08/2026 08:58

Any family with fundamentalist religious beliefs.

thesealion · 10/08/2026 06:08

maxslice · 10/08/2026 05:35

That might be the ideal, but it probably isn’t reality.

Five years into the relationship and it’s working out great so far. I see my partner’s family once or twice a year, they’re pleasant and very hands off, perfect

user1492757084 · 10/08/2026 05:43

I do love all sorts.
My extended family has all sorts.
I love diverse people. Many alcoholic friends whom I would find hard to live with.
Love visiting foreign places but not to stay.

Read my first sentence.

The question asks us to be fussy about our own comfort living in our own household/family. The question asks us to be choosey.

maxslice · 10/08/2026 05:41

People who believe in “hinting” instead of just saying what they want to say. I have absolutely NO patience for that nonsense. Hinting at anything is cowardly.

maxslice · 10/08/2026 05:38

People who have no tact, no filter, who have no recognition that they are being rude and/or hurtful,

maxslice · 10/08/2026 05:35

thesealion · 09/08/2026 21:59

A family that expects me to be interested in them because I’m dating their adult child. I have zero interest in “becoming part of a family”. I’m dating/marrying an individual.

That might be the ideal, but it probably isn’t reality.

jsfv · 10/08/2026 05:34

This thread is the most judgmental thread I’ve ever read on Mumsnet and I’ve been around for about 9 years.

At least I now understand why my mil doesn’t like me - judgmental but thick.

AImportantMermaid · 10/08/2026 05:33

user1492757084 · 10/08/2026 05:31

I would not feel like I fittted in well in a family fhat was....
Non artistic
Alcoholics
Super wealthy
Avid travellers
Ethnically very different
Religiously very different
Short
Obese
Non animal lovers
Fast food eaters
Gamblers
Unkind
Labour voters
Non generous
Sun bathers
City centric
Smokers
Not cheering for environmental sustainability
Work shy
Unhappy to see each other

So you don’t like families full stop?

AImportantMermaid · 10/08/2026 05:32

One of those families where gifts are really important and you have to buy birthday cards and presents for second cousins and relatives you haven’t seen for years. We ditched that in my family years ago and DP mostly sorts out his own family.

user1492757084 · 10/08/2026 05:31

I would not feel like I fittted in well in a family fhat was....
Non artistic
Alcoholics
Super wealthy
Avid travellers
Ethnically very different
Religiously very different
Short
Obese
Non animal lovers
Fast food eaters
Gamblers
Unkind
Labour voters
Non generous
Sun bathers
City centric
Smokers
Not cheering for environmental sustainability
Work shy
Unhappy to see each other

Iocanepowder · 10/08/2026 05:31

Religious

Lack of ambition or lack of value with education

maxslice · 10/08/2026 05:27

And having a dog? Oh no! Not kind people who form attachments to vulnerable creatures who form bonds of affection and trust with them! And “poor”! The horror of people doing the best they can with what they have! Hopefully, these good people will recognize you for the shallow waste of time and energy that you are.

maxslice · 10/08/2026 05:20

tooloololoo · 04/08/2026 17:53

Asian one

I realize this post is old, but what is the reason that an Asian family is a deal breaker?

maxslice · 10/08/2026 05:14

CoffeeCantata · 04/08/2026 16:41

Apart from the obvious things such as racist and criminal, I’d hate to be connected to people who are uneducated and proud of it. I’m not talking about people who have missed out in life but want to improve their education.

The people who brag that they “don’t have time” to read. People who complain, but don’t vote.

thesealion · 09/08/2026 21:59

A family that expects me to be interested in them because I’m dating their adult child. I have zero interest in “becoming part of a family”. I’m dating/marrying an individual.

SarahAndQuack · 09/08/2026 21:22

JHound · 09/08/2026 19:12

I think the difference here is your ex was lazy too. If she was nothing like her family why would their laziness matter?

It would matter less, but it would still matter - the whole family are an influence on my daughter. And if you marry into a family who are net 'takers' then you lose that support. There could be good reasons why you would want to do this, but it's still a hard thing to do.

greengreengrass3 · 09/08/2026 19:56

The family that I did marry in too, but DH is worlds apart from his parents and siblings and thankfully is now no contact with them so life is good after almost 30 years.

BrownWoodenChair · 09/08/2026 19:34

I married into a family full of needy lazy men. I was glad to escape them all when I divorced

BettyJoanPerske · 09/08/2026 19:22

A very large one. A very religious one. One with an overbearing MIL.

JHound · 09/08/2026 19:12

SarahAndQuack · 04/08/2026 19:12

I don't think it is snobby to think about poverty.

My ex's family are very poor because they have no work ethic. When I met my ex, neither she nor any of her three siblings was working full time; her parents were long-term benefit claimants. And her dad had been sanctioned for fiddling his benefits, which I know is pretty unusual.

At the time I thought I ought to not be snobby and I ought not to assume anything. But, actually, their attitude to money goes very deep. One SIL is not like this at all - she's ended up with a decent job; she works hard, etc. But the others all genuinely believe someone else owes them. There is always an expectation that if you can get something by being greedy, you should, and if you can avoid work (not just paid work, but effort in general), you should.

It is really bloody depressing. It followed me around - my ex was quite happy to take whatever she could get from me; she chronically lied about money. I have to work really hard with DD to counterbalance the messages from DP about how money should work.

I would never, ever be blase about it again. I would, I'm afraid, but looking at why this family is poor. I was really naive and just assumed that if someone could talk the talk, they must be honest. I would now think really hard about how much family shapes you and your assumptions.

I think the difference here is your ex was lazy too. If she was nothing like her family why would their laziness matter?

GinaandGin · 09/08/2026 18:27

Family members who think it's ok to just pop by and clock all day / night at other family member s houses.