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Original poster

AIBU to worry about managing financially after separation with two children?

209 replies

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 11:59

DH and I are in the very early stages of separating. We have 2 primary age kids.

I've absolutely no idea how I'm going live on a single income. Please can people give my head a wobble?

I work full time, earning £46000. I work in a regulated profession (Social Work) so moving jobs won't improve pay and I haven't got the headspace for a promotion at the moment (plus there are no vacancies in the next level up).

I bring home £2600 a month. Having done a benefits calculator online I will receive £190 in child benefit, £424 UC and then, hopefully £638 in maintenance. But I'm guessing I shouldn't bank on that?

Stbex will have 50/50 custody. Is it reasonable to expect he pays half child care costs and half kids activities and needs? Or is that what maintenance is for?

We currently own and I should get around £100k equity once fees etc are taken out. The cheapest houses in my area are £300k for a 3 bed (kids are b&g, 10&8 and the houses are kitchen and living room, no extra reception room).

I could move to a cheaper area but then costs to get the children to school and my commuting costs go up significantly.

I need to buy a car as I need one for work and does DH, the current family car is his.

I'll need to buy furniture etc.

We have about £40k in savings, I'm guessing I'll get half? Even though it's all money DH got from redundancy and work shares?

Having looked at mortgages, my mortgage will be £1300 and my income will be £3214 plus maintenance.

Is £1914 enough to live off? Gas, electric, water, broadband, food, dog food & insurance, house maintenance, Christmas, kids birthdays, childcare (no non-paid support), kids clothes, uniform etc, kids hobbies? It doesn't seem like much but I'm guessing plenty of people manage?

I did look at reducing my hours, but it's half time or full time, no in-between and the income difference would be too big even accounting for reduced childcare costs.

AIBU to be worried about the finances?

OP posts:
Mapleunicorn · 04/08/2026 13:19

XH and I do 50/50 and he pays me no maintenance. So instead we split costs 50/50 too. Wrap around care, holidays clubs, sports clubs, school trips etc we just pay half each. Doesn’t matter whose time it falls on as we both chose to have a child together.

We each cover things like clothes, school uniform for our own homes as she needs an equal amount of each at each house. But if there was something large she needed (not just that we wanted to buy her but she actually needed) we would split the cost. For example we each paid half to get her passport renewed recently

If you split costs this way would that leave you worse or better off than if he paid you maintenance and you covered everything on your time?

GooseyDuck · 04/08/2026 13:18

LarkspurBlues · 04/08/2026 13:11

Don't you have any savings @GooseyDuck ?

Nope, they’ll all be wiped out in moving costs.

MrsMoastyToasty · 04/08/2026 13:16

@Rumpledandcrumpled . It depends- if the Rateable Value (RV) is high then it may be worthwhile. The other factor is every households consumption is different.

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 13:15

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/08/2026 13:12

That sounds right, assuming ofsted registered childcare. Bear in mind any savings over 6k reduce UC, and if they decide you’ve deliberately spent lots of money to reduce savings they consider it deprivation of assets. I assume car and furniture are considered reasonable spending assuming you don’t get top of the range everything

Show quote history

I'll have about £20k in savings before buying anything and need to pay out stamp duty, legal fees, car will about £5k plus tax and insurance and then I'll need a few house bits like a bed for one of the kids and some kitchen appliances etc.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/08/2026 13:12

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 13:08

It asked for childcare costs so I put in 50% of what we currently pay. Is that not right?

I put on £7k of savings as I think that's the max I'll have after buying a house and car.

Show quote history

That sounds right, assuming ofsted registered childcare. Bear in mind any savings over 6k reduce UC, and if they decide you’ve deliberately spent lots of money to reduce savings they consider it deprivation of assets. I assume car and furniture are considered reasonable spending assuming you don’t get top of the range everything

LarkspurBlues · 04/08/2026 13:11

Don't you have any savings @GooseyDuck ?

GooseyDuck · 04/08/2026 13:10

I am in a similar position to OP (separating, will have a mortgage, two kids) though will have majority care and even though I earn £52k, entitledto is saying I’ll be eligible for almost 1k in benefits?

That’s crazy. Guess I won’t need to go back to FT work after all!

Rumpledandcrumpled · 04/08/2026 13:09

MrsMoastyToasty · 04/08/2026 13:08

If you're going to be the only adult in the household you will be able to get 25% discount on your council tax.
If you're not on a water meter then have a look at getting one installed. Having one less people in the house will make a difference to your consumption. Then look at water saving devices and tariffs.
Do you get any staff perks? I have Vivup. I buy £200 tesco vouchers every week through them. It only costs me £192 to order them through Vivup. Then I pay for all my food shopping by e-voucher.

Don’t do this, my water bill without a meter is significantly less than all friends and family who have one.

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 13:08

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/08/2026 13:06

It’s as accurate as the information you put into it. It’s totally possible it’s right if OP had factored in her childcare costs and any savings etc. With savings or without childcare costs I’d assume she’s done it wrong

Show quote history

It asked for childcare costs so I put in 50% of what we currently pay. Is that not right?

I put on £7k of savings as I think that's the max I'll have after buying a house and car.

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 04/08/2026 13:08

If you're going to be the only adult in the household you will be able to get 25% discount on your council tax.
If you're not on a water meter then have a look at getting one installed. Having one less people in the house will make a difference to your consumption. Then look at water saving devices and tariffs.
Do you get any staff perks? I have Vivup. I buy £200 tesco vouchers every week through them. It only costs me £192 to order them through Vivup. Then I pay for all my food shopping by e-voucher.

GooseyDuck · 04/08/2026 13:07

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

You will not have anything to pay through the Child Maintenance Service if you are:

  • sharing care equally with the other parent

He doesn’t have to pay you anything, but would be responsible for childcare and everything else they need on his days. If you’re on good enough terms maybe he’ll assist you to defraud the system by claiming both live with you, so you can claim benefits for them both though. Otherwise, it’s standard to have one child registered at each address.

How amicable are you?

Calculate your child maintenance

Use this calculator to work out an amount of child maintenance for your children.

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/08/2026 13:06

youalright · 04/08/2026 13:04

Its not very accurate its unlikely you will get the amount you think

Show quote history

It’s as accurate as the information you put into it. It’s totally possible it’s right if OP had factored in her childcare costs and any savings etc. With savings or without childcare costs I’d assume she’s done it wrong

monkeysox · 04/08/2026 13:05

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 11:59

DH and I are in the very early stages of separating. We have 2 primary age kids.

I've absolutely no idea how I'm going live on a single income. Please can people give my head a wobble?

I work full time, earning £46000. I work in a regulated profession (Social Work) so moving jobs won't improve pay and I haven't got the headspace for a promotion at the moment (plus there are no vacancies in the next level up).

I bring home £2600 a month. Having done a benefits calculator online I will receive £190 in child benefit, £424 UC and then, hopefully £638 in maintenance. But I'm guessing I shouldn't bank on that?

Stbex will have 50/50 custody. Is it reasonable to expect he pays half child care costs and half kids activities and needs? Or is that what maintenance is for?

We currently own and I should get around £100k equity once fees etc are taken out. The cheapest houses in my area are £300k for a 3 bed (kids are b&g, 10&8 and the houses are kitchen and living room, no extra reception room).

I could move to a cheaper area but then costs to get the children to school and my commuting costs go up significantly.

I need to buy a car as I need one for work and does DH, the current family car is his.

I'll need to buy furniture etc.

We have about £40k in savings, I'm guessing I'll get half? Even though it's all money DH got from redundancy and work shares?

Having looked at mortgages, my mortgage will be £1300 and my income will be £3214 plus maintenance.

Is £1914 enough to live off? Gas, electric, water, broadband, food, dog food & insurance, house maintenance, Christmas, kids birthdays, childcare (no non-paid support), kids clothes, uniform etc, kids hobbies? It doesn't seem like much but I'm guessing plenty of people manage?

I did look at reducing my hours, but it's half time or full time, no in-between and the income difference would be too big even accounting for reduced childcare costs.

AIBU to be worried about the finances?

Why would you get maintenance if 50/50

youalright · 04/08/2026 13:04

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:53

I used the entitled to website.

Show quote history

Its not very accurate its unlikely you will get the amount you think

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 13:02

Yello24 · 04/08/2026 12:58

What will DH have? Is it similar? I assume he’ll be able to get a bigger mortgage so if he’s sorted and willing to be flexible there may be a way to take more equity so you can be housed. Eg. Forgo any rights to his pension if it’s bigger?
When we split I took a lot more equity. Three young adults to continue housing in London. He wanted to move rurally and retire and understood they still needed housing even though the system treats them as adults.
Are you amicable?
Can he take the dog?!

I hadn't thought of that, it's very early days.

He won't have the dog, it's not his dog (agreed when we got it!). He's taking the 2 cats.

Reasonably amicable.

OP posts:
LarkspurBlues · 04/08/2026 13:02

Watching with interest, I didn't think you could get UC on that

Yello24 · 04/08/2026 12:58

What will DH have? Is it similar? I assume he’ll be able to get a bigger mortgage so if he’s sorted and willing to be flexible there may be a way to take more equity so you can be housed. Eg. Forgo any rights to his pension if it’s bigger?
When we split I took a lot more equity. Three young adults to continue housing in London. He wanted to move rurally and retire and understood they still needed housing even though the system treats them as adults.
Are you amicable?
Can he take the dog?!

Viviennemary · 04/08/2026 12:56

If you've been used to another high income coming into the household I think it will be really difficuly having to budget. Are you absolutely sure spliting up is the right thing.

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:53

Rumpledandcrumpled · 04/08/2026 12:50

Yes I’m not sure that number is right either,

op how did you work out the uc number?

Show quote history

I used the entitled to website.

OP posts:
Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:53

Jellycatspyjamas · 04/08/2026 12:37

It’s scary living on a single income, and feeling responsible for keeping everything covered. The good news is you have a very stable, if stressful job.

Your take home is quite low given your income, I’m assuming there’s a student loan in the mix. In terms of spending, if your income is what you’ve calculated you should be ok. Yes things will be tighter but if you start now budgeting you’ll have a good idea of what it will look like.

When I was on one income I used the You Need a Budget app (YNAB) which helped me figure out where my money was going, and to save for annual costs eg car insurance etc. It just helped me control things more easily.

No student loan but my tax code is a low personal allowance due to a previous fuck up (not on my part) so my is higher than you'd expect and I work for the NHS, so pension contributions are set at 9% I could remove myself from the pension scheme but I feel that's short sighted and I'd like to try and avoid that.

OP posts:
Rumpledandcrumpled · 04/08/2026 12:50

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/08/2026 12:49

Also is your UC including childcare costs? It seems on the high side with no rent

Yes I’m not sure that number is right either,

op how did you work out the uc number?

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:49

Crushed23 · 04/08/2026 12:35

Enough to live on definitely but I would expect a drop in living standards now you don’t have access to your ex’s very high salary beyond the CM payments (if they materialise) and only until the children are 18, I believe. Would you consider a change in career?

No. I did change career to a high paying one and hated it so went back to social work. My current job is really quite flexible and good for family life which I wouldn't want to upset plus retraining is something I couldn't currently afford for a third career.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/08/2026 12:49

Also is your UC including childcare costs? It seems on the high side with no rent

Rumpledandcrumpled · 04/08/2026 12:47

Sadly op the online calculator is wrong, it’s very commonly known, I don’t know why they don’t fix it, with 50 50 no maintenance is due, as you are responsible financially for 50 percent of the child costs.

he will be responsible for all costs on his time and you on yours. So I would try to ensure the 50 50 time is split in a way you have equal child care costs.

is he aware he doesn’t need to pay if it’s 50 50? If he doesn’t he will soon enough, I’m sorry,

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:47

youalright · 04/08/2026 12:30

You won't get universal credit as you have to much in savings

The savings will pay stamp duty (£5000), a car (£5000), insurance and tax for the car (£600), house buying legal fees (£2000), survey (£600) and then urgent furniture/ household items e.g washing machine, hoover, bed etc depending on which of us gets what.

OP posts:
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