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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to worry about managing financially after separation with two children?

209 replies

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 11:59

DH and I are in the very early stages of separating. We have 2 primary age kids.

I've absolutely no idea how I'm going live on a single income. Please can people give my head a wobble?

I work full time, earning £46000. I work in a regulated profession (Social Work) so moving jobs won't improve pay and I haven't got the headspace for a promotion at the moment (plus there are no vacancies in the next level up).

I bring home £2600 a month. Having done a benefits calculator online I will receive £190 in child benefit, £424 UC and then, hopefully £638 in maintenance. But I'm guessing I shouldn't bank on that?

Stbex will have 50/50 custody. Is it reasonable to expect he pays half child care costs and half kids activities and needs? Or is that what maintenance is for?

We currently own and I should get around £100k equity once fees etc are taken out. The cheapest houses in my area are £300k for a 3 bed (kids are b&g, 10&8 and the houses are kitchen and living room, no extra reception room).

I could move to a cheaper area but then costs to get the children to school and my commuting costs go up significantly.

I need to buy a car as I need one for work and does DH, the current family car is his.

I'll need to buy furniture etc.

We have about £40k in savings, I'm guessing I'll get half? Even though it's all money DH got from redundancy and work shares?

Having looked at mortgages, my mortgage will be £1300 and my income will be £3214 plus maintenance.

Is £1914 enough to live off? Gas, electric, water, broadband, food, dog food & insurance, house maintenance, Christmas, kids birthdays, childcare (no non-paid support), kids clothes, uniform etc, kids hobbies? It doesn't seem like much but I'm guessing plenty of people manage?

I did look at reducing my hours, but it's half time or full time, no in-between and the income difference would be too big even accounting for reduced childcare costs.

AIBU to be worried about the finances?

OP posts:
Loulou4022 · 04/08/2026 12:02

I thought if you did 50/50 custody you don’t get any maintenance?

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 04/08/2026 12:02

If he’s got 50/50 custody does that not mean no maintenance?

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:06

Not according to the maintenance calculator on gov.uk.

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 04/08/2026 12:06

I think you won’t get maintenance. You might need to look at other neighbourhoods and moving the kids’ school if you can’t afford to stay in the same area.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 04/08/2026 12:07

50/50 usually means no maintenance although yes, any childcare costs should be split 50/50.

From your numbers, looks like you can live comfortably but perhaps not to the standard you are currently used to. Do a spreadsheet of monthly outgoings to check and then you will see what is left over for non recurrent costs such as holidays, birthdays, christmas etc. Budgeting will definitely be required.

Plenty of good quality vfm second hand furniture out there.

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:08

So if 50/50 means no maintenance, why does the gov.uk calculator say id be entitled to £638?

OP posts:
Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:09

PurpleThistle7 · 04/08/2026 12:06

I think you won’t get maintenance. You might need to look at other neighbourhoods and moving the kids’ school if you can’t afford to stay in the same area.

DH wouldn't agree to the kids moving school.

OP posts:
spacecowboypeanut · 04/08/2026 12:16

If you receive child maintenance then legally he doesn’t have to pay towards anything else. There is a way to cut the costs of childcare by only paying for what’s needed on your time and he sorts/pays for what’s needed on his. Activities if they fall on his time and he doesn’t want to take them, then there’s nothing can be done about that.

IronEverything · 04/08/2026 12:16

That's plenty to live on. I think you are each responsible for childcare during your own time but could be wrong. You're also unlikely to receive maintenance for 50/50 unless there's some kind of drip feed about him being a multi-millionaire?

blooba · 04/08/2026 12:17

That’s weird, I thought at 50/50 here didn’t have to pay maintenance.

Did you put 50/50 into the calculator?

If he does pay maintenance then he’s not required to pay toward childcare on your time.

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:18

IronEverything · 04/08/2026 12:16

That's plenty to live on. I think you are each responsible for childcare during your own time but could be wrong. You're also unlikely to receive maintenance for 50/50 unless there's some kind of drip feed about him being a multi-millionaire?

He's not a multimillionaire but he is a high earner, roughly 3x my salary) so maybe that's why the calculator says I'll get some?

OP posts:
Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:19

blooba · 04/08/2026 12:17

That’s weird, I thought at 50/50 here didn’t have to pay maintenance.

Did you put 50/50 into the calculator?

If he does pay maintenance then he’s not required to pay toward childcare on your time.

Yeah I put 50/50 in the calculator.

If I have to move out of area, the kids would love with DH most of the time so I guess I'd pay him maintenance?

I wouldn't expect him to pay towards childcare on my time, regardless of maintenance.

OP posts:
Seelybee · 04/08/2026 12:21

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:08

So if 50/50 means no maintenance, why does the gov.uk calculator say id be entitled to £638?

@Therewegothenplease don't rely on the CMS calculator if it will be a clear 50/50. There have been several threads on here with awful outcomes where OPs have been adamant they must be entitled. As a general rule with 50/50 neither parent is liable for CM although I think this can be varied by the court if one parent is a very high earner.
Many men go for 50/50 to avoid paying CM. And as it's based on number of nights rather than 24hour periods they often do much less in practice even with 50% of overnights.

onpills4godsake · 04/08/2026 12:21

We just organised it that I got the child benefit and he paid for school uniform and sports and we did 55/45 split over 3 weeks I had them 1 day more.
it worked really well

Hayley1256 · 04/08/2026 12:25

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:06

Not according to the maintenance calculator on gov.uk.

The maintenance calculator is wrong - there are many threads about this. You could some if established as the part parent but unlikely if it's a true 50/50 arrangement.

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:26

Seelybee · 04/08/2026 12:21

@Therewegothenplease don't rely on the CMS calculator if it will be a clear 50/50. There have been several threads on here with awful outcomes where OPs have been adamant they must be entitled. As a general rule with 50/50 neither parent is liable for CM although I think this can be varied by the court if one parent is a very high earner.
Many men go for 50/50 to avoid paying CM. And as it's based on number of nights rather than 24hour periods they often do much less in practice even with 50% of overnights.

Show quote history

I've no concerns that DH would be doing it for that reason. He's a very active and engaged parent, I didn't have kids with a loser. I have 0 concerns about his care of the children and if I do have to move out of area, my concerns are based purely on me missing them! Rather than their lives in his care.

OP posts:
Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:27

onpills4godsake · 04/08/2026 12:21

We just organised it that I got the child benefit and he paid for school uniform and sports and we did 55/45 split over 3 weeks I had them 1 day more.
it worked really well

Do we need 55/45 for me to get child benefit? He isn't entitled to it on his earnings

OP posts:
LoyalMintOtter · 04/08/2026 12:29

That is plenty to live on. You say you need to buy a car as the family car is needed by your ex husband. Are you a Social Worker? Don't know how you would manage to do that job before the split, without good access to a car. I know - not the point of the thread.
Sorry I suspect your thread is to draw attention to the fact that you can earn £46,000 and still top up with £424 UC.

youalright · 04/08/2026 12:30

You won't get universal credit as you have to much in savings

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:32

LoyalMintOtter · 04/08/2026 12:29

That is plenty to live on. You say you need to buy a car as the family car is needed by your ex husband. Are you a Social Worker? Don't know how you would manage to do that job before the split, without good access to a car. I know - not the point of the thread.
Sorry I suspect your thread is to draw attention to the fact that you can earn £46,000 and still top up with £424 UC.

Edited

So I use the car for my days in the office/ on visits but I have 2 home working paperwork days.

The point of the thread is I'm worried about living on a single income. I was surprised but pleased I could still get UC. I'm a raving lefty if that helps? I think more people should be eligible for benefits. And not just because I now need to claim them.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 04/08/2026 12:32

I assume the savings will go on house deposit and furniture and a car for work.

Upsetbetty · 04/08/2026 12:33

We are 50:50 that means no maintenance but we halve all large cost. Back to school, dental etc etc

Vanillaicelatte · 04/08/2026 12:34

Maybe look at shared owership
UC will pay the rent element if needed
maybe you could buy your share outright

Seelybee · 04/08/2026 12:35

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:26

I've no concerns that DH would be doing it for that reason. He's a very active and engaged parent, I didn't have kids with a loser. I have 0 concerns about his care of the children and if I do have to move out of area, my concerns are based purely on me missing them! Rather than their lives in his care.

Show quote history

@Therewegothen that's good to hear. In that case he may well be happy to pay some CM on a voluntary basis to help with your increased costs.

Crushed23 · 04/08/2026 12:35

Enough to live on definitely but I would expect a drop in living standards now you don’t have access to your ex’s very high salary beyond the CM payments (if they materialise) and only until the children are 18, I believe. Would you consider a change in career?