AIBU to worry about managing financially after separation with two children?

@GooseyDuck and you’re an example of exactly why why this govt need to overhaul benefits. It should not be a choice to be of and expect the rest of us to fund that for you

Just to suggest an alternative: What about 50/50 care (or 55/45 or whatever), plus you agree what joint costs are (childcare, activities, healthcare, school trips, holiday club, clothing) and he pays 75% of this as his earnings are much higher.

You keep own pensions, you claim CB, get a little more of the equity to enable you to stay in the same area (which he wants, so kids he keeps the car.

Sorry you are going through this , OP . It must be so hard.
Surely in this situation there is a case for keeping the chidlren's lifestyle at a similar standard as it was before ?
Say he earns 180k and you earn 46 k it makes sense that dad puts extra into the 'pot' to esnure the kids do not suffer?

No, your ex is taking the piss by not paying for your shared kids.

If you disagree with the benefits system, you're free to write to your MP to complain about how it’s too generous.

Or if they live with you say 5 days a week, then yes, maintenance would be due. Bit you’d then be eligible for all child care costs

It’s wrong I’m sorry, someone did post what the website says.

You will not have anything to pay through the Child Maintenance Service if you are:

• sharing care equally with the other parent

I don’t know the exact figures yet as my childcare costs will change when I move, but any extra money helps. It’ll mean I don’t need to go back to FT work before the children are both in school which will be wonderful.

Hold on a second. The OP isn't taking the piss. Her life circumstances are different to yours. Admittedly there's some lack of understanding about how these things work but funnily enough you don't need to be an expert in divorcing and finances until it comes up.

Give your head a wobble before responding with such vitriol.

I’m in a similar boat and CMS also said I was entitled to maintenance despite 50/50? Is that wrong then? I assumed it was based on salary! DH earns about 6x what I do, and we’re not married so I’m screwed

@Therewegothen the reason a lot of men ask for 50/50 is because that avoids them paying maintenance, so not sure why you will be any different. And I very much doubt someone on £46k a year will qualify for UC, so I think you need to do your calculations again.

Ha I’m a single parent and on £17,000 and get about £600 uc and no maintenance.. you are taking the piss

I also work in the social care field and support families on significantly much lower incomes than this. You may need to adjust your lifestyle and completely re-look at your outgoings

The chances are he will let you claim that as he won't be able to get it anyway.

The cases where this has gone wrong have been where one parent has used the fact they are in receipt of the CB to try to claim maintenance despite a 50/50 arrangement.

You won't get any maintenance if it's 50/50. The calculator isn't accurate. There's been several threads where this has been proven. You can ask him to pay half of activities, but he could say no if he's an arse, in which case, you might have to cut down their activities.

I'm surprised you can get UC on £46k but I'm sure you've done your research on that.

It sounds like it will be tight but people manage on less.

No, it wouldn’t be better for them to loose their mother (or father) for 95% of the time. Especially when all you need to do is budget more

Entitled too isnt always 100 percent accurate so id double check the calculations before relying on them x

Thanks for this post OP, I’d have assumed I wouldn’t be eligible for a thing!

Hi OP, sorry you are going through this. It is really scary.

As others have said CMS is not usually payable if 50/50. The website has brackets of up to 50/50 which is why it gives you a figure if you enter that in the box.

You don't need more custody to get child benefit if ex husband agrees for you to claim it. In theory in full 50/50 you should each hold one child in your name but most reasonable people who cant claim because they earn over the threshold allow the parent who CAN claim to do so.

Private maintenance agreements do exist though so if your ex is reasonable he may off to pay more of the children's expenses.

Re finances you are looking at a starting point of 50/50 but not necessarily and end point. Pensions count. You might be entitled to a greater equity share in exchange for not sharing pensions (assuming you have a pension).

What you need is a full picture of all assets including pension, savings, shares etc.

Remember nothing needs to happen immediately. You have time to make decisions. It will feel overwhelming but it will be ok.

The car is a joint asset - everything is.
I think 50/50 means no maintenance, and agreeing childcare and activities between you.
he might also get half the child benefit if he decides to claim for it - one of the threads referred to by pp is that scenario and iirc went very badly for the mother angry that she wasn’t getting enough