AIBU to worry about managing financially after separation with two children?

Stay together. Try Counselling. Sounds a headache separating. You just swap one set of problems for another .

Your savings will make you ineligible for UC.

I struggle with the fact that you earn £46k and will be entitled to UC despite the fact the kids dad earns over £130k.
It should be down to your ex husband to pay for his kids not the taxpayer.

• btw your kids will be also on free school meals.

No matter how amicable things seem to be right now, do NOT count on him to be 'fair' when it comes to finances. His main concern will be HIS financial 'welfare', not yours.

Let him make an offer if you want, but be sure you get legal advice on any offer he makes. TBH, you should quietly be seeing a solicitor now wrt finances, benefits, etc. The only way to know what's what is to talk to an expert. Write down a 'snapshot' of both of your incomes, all investments, pensions, banking and the mortgage details and talk to someone who really knows the law and what you should be able to realistically expect. You may be surprised. Remember, knowledge is power and forewarned is forearmed.

I agree

In 50:50 care , when CMS in enforced despite equal custody, the paying parent (usually the father) can request that the child benefit is moved to his name (as he shares care equally) - so if there are two children one CB could be registered with mum, one with dad.
if he wins , he gets the CB and it then entitles him to claim UC and maintenance from the other parent. The other parent loses CB, UC and maintenance. I would strongly advise against claiming CMS in 50:50 scenarios. The government should have fixed this website issue ages ago.

Since dh is higher earner could you ask him if he would pay childcare costs?

There was a post on here a few weeks back where the OP had been told she would receive CM despite 50:50 care because her ex was such a high earner. I’d never heard this being the case personally but she claimed solicitors had informed her of this. You say he earns 3x the amount you do so is indeed a high earner, he may have to pay something as a result but I wouldn’t bank on it.

On the calculation I did (which I suspect is similar to OP’s) I got something like £420 standard allowance plus child element plus child benefit.

Even if it’s “just childcare,” my childcare bill is over 1k a month so any reduction is very welcome.

That’s not how UC works though, she’d still get the standard element and allowance for each child, plus childcare. And then the overall amount is reduce by income. So her figure may well be correct

I think the only UC you’d get is towards registered childcare.

If 50/50, you’re unlikely to get CM.

OP, you do have options in terms of negotiation. I've seen a few friends that have had various agreements as part of their divorce and a few were quite generous for giving up rights to their ex's pension. Remember as standard your entitlement to how pension is 50% of the value.

Some of my friends received a lot more equity from the house sale and one has an agreement whereby she remains living in the house until the child is 21, both pay 50% of the mortgage and when the time comes she can buy him out at a lower price or they can sell but she will get a higher percentage of the sale ( I may have over simplified this but it's something like that)

Also I disagree that a child is better off living with one parent. My DD10 is thriving and we have 50/50 care for the last 4-5 years. I think it's important that they see both houses as home and them carrying things is kept to a minimum.

They need their mum present for more than 5% of their lives more than they need more activities? If you are happy with giving him almost full custody though and paying maintenance then that’s up to you.

Another option could be, if you both feel it’s better for them to be primarily with a parent, is that you agree to cut your hours in exchange for a higher share of the assets and generous maintenance. He might go for that until they finish primary at least? It sounds like with him they’d need to be in wraparound care?

It would mean sacrificing your career for a few years but I’m sure it’d be easy to increase hours later on, in your field.

Definitely don’t agree to keeping your own pensions.

That is really tough. I feel for you. Might nesting be an option for you both?

I don’t disagree with you, but I’m not going to turn down free money that I’m entitled to.

It could be right, but I think it’s likely you will need to move, I think I would chat to him, if it’d amicable, would he be willing to pay the child care fees? For the full time?

Do you know how much he has saved in his pension? Most people forget to include this but you are usually entitled to 50%. It could make a big difference to your overall assets.