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Original poster

AIBU to worry about managing financially after separation with two children?

209 replies

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 11:59

DH and I are in the very early stages of separating. We have 2 primary age kids.

I've absolutely no idea how I'm going live on a single income. Please can people give my head a wobble?

I work full time, earning £46000. I work in a regulated profession (Social Work) so moving jobs won't improve pay and I haven't got the headspace for a promotion at the moment (plus there are no vacancies in the next level up).

I bring home £2600 a month. Having done a benefits calculator online I will receive £190 in child benefit, £424 UC and then, hopefully £638 in maintenance. But I'm guessing I shouldn't bank on that?

Stbex will have 50/50 custody. Is it reasonable to expect he pays half child care costs and half kids activities and needs? Or is that what maintenance is for?

We currently own and I should get around £100k equity once fees etc are taken out. The cheapest houses in my area are £300k for a 3 bed (kids are b&g, 10&8 and the houses are kitchen and living room, no extra reception room).

I could move to a cheaper area but then costs to get the children to school and my commuting costs go up significantly.

I need to buy a car as I need one for work and does DH, the current family car is his.

I'll need to buy furniture etc.

We have about £40k in savings, I'm guessing I'll get half? Even though it's all money DH got from redundancy and work shares?

Having looked at mortgages, my mortgage will be £1300 and my income will be £3214 plus maintenance.

Is £1914 enough to live off? Gas, electric, water, broadband, food, dog food & insurance, house maintenance, Christmas, kids birthdays, childcare (no non-paid support), kids clothes, uniform etc, kids hobbies? It doesn't seem like much but I'm guessing plenty of people manage?

I did look at reducing my hours, but it's half time or full time, no in-between and the income difference would be too big even accounting for reduced childcare costs.

AIBU to be worried about the finances?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/08/2026 22:06

Hiddenhouse · 04/08/2026 22:03

I’m also not clear what UC you will get when you’re on that income and have savings over £16k?

This has been discussed quite a lot on the thread. Even if you just read OPs posts you can see she’s explained a few times she won’t have savings over 16k when she claims

Hiddenhouse · 04/08/2026 22:03

I’m also not clear what UC you will get when you’re on that income and have savings over £16k?

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 04/08/2026 22:03

Where do you get your £100k equity figure from? If it is 50% of the equity in the house, you could end up with more given disparity in incomes and the fact you both need to provide adequate housing for the kids.
Also have you taken into account pensions? You’ll be expected to split these too. If his is worth more than yours he might be persuaded to give up more equity instead of pension.
You really need to get to the bottom of those figures before you get into the detail of monthly costs as it could change the picture quite a lot

Shatenoeuf · 04/08/2026 22:03

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 21:58

My back couldn't cope on a sofa bed long term. I had thought of that.

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Murphy bed then! You can only have what you can afford. I think you will be skint as fuck if you take on a 200k mortgage. Interest rates are not going anywhere.

GooseyDuck · 04/08/2026 22:01

I agree you need to work out if his pension is worth going after (presumably you know what yours is and can guess his?).

Whilst the kids are young you’ll get UC but that won’t be forever if you get a few pay rises and don’t need childcare. He could agree to pay maintenance now then change his mind post-divorce. It’d be better to think long term.

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 21:58

Shatenoeuf · 04/08/2026 21:54

Your issue is the mortgage. Im guessing a £1,300 repayment is based on 200k or so borrowed for a 3 bed costing 300k?

I think its a bit of a stretch on your income.

I think better to either:

  • negotiate a bit more of the equity from your DH. Eg agree you wont touch the pension but ask for £150k instead of 100k, as he can borrow far more.
  • buy a two bed, give kids a bedroom each & have a sofa bed in lounge for you (lots of people do this, it can work really well with clever storage etc.

My back couldn't cope on a sofa bed long term. I had thought of that.

OP posts:
NeatPinkFinch · 04/08/2026 21:58

For those of you giving OP grief for claiming UC - fuck off

Shatenoeuf · 04/08/2026 21:58

OutOfTheOtherSide · 04/08/2026 21:18

But what is the point of you paying more tax if you then want it back in subsidised childcare? There's no logic to that.

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Its not just the tax op pays its the value of the work she contributes to the economy.

Shatenoeuf · 04/08/2026 21:57

If he's a high earner I would assume his pension pot, that he wants to keep, is considerable.
Could you not agree not to go for your half of his pension in exchange for you keeping the house

Dont forget op has a defined benefit nhs pension. The actuarial valuation of that will be hefty too. I earn 3x what my sister does (similar numbers to op & the ex), her local govt db pension scheme is predicted to pay her a similar pension to my private sector DC scheme despite me putting decent contributions in. Nhs DB schemes are really valuable.

NeatPinkFinch · 04/08/2026 21:55

You need more of the savings and equity OP don’t settle for half. Are you sure 50:50 is best for the kids?

NeatPinkFinch · 04/08/2026 21:54

You do get maintenance 50:50 it’s based on his income and who gets the child benefit.

Shatenoeuf · 04/08/2026 21:54

Your issue is the mortgage. Im guessing a £1,300 repayment is based on 200k or so borrowed for a 3 bed costing 300k?

I think its a bit of a stretch on your income.

I think better to either:

  • negotiate a bit more of the equity from your DH. Eg agree you wont touch the pension but ask for £150k instead of 100k, as he can borrow far more.
  • buy a two bed, give kids a bedroom each & have a sofa bed in lounge for you (lots of people do this, it can work really well with clever storage etc.
Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 21:28

andweallsingalong · 04/08/2026 21:19

If he's a high earner I would assume his pension pot, that he wants to keep, is considerable.

Could you not agree not to go for your half of his pension in exchange for you keeping the house, so the kids have stability for school. It doesn't sound like he would have any problem getting a new family home, but you would.

I couldn't keep the house - even if he paid half the mortgage. The council tax and utilities are far too high to manage alone. It's also an old Victorian property needing regular, significant maintenance. It's not a house I'd take on alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 21:27

OutOfTheOtherSide · 04/08/2026 21:18

But what is the point of you paying more tax if you then want it back in subsidised childcare? There's no logic to that.

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This is the last I'm going to say I the subject because it's not the point of the thread but higher taxes paid for better public services benefit everyone at different points in their lives - I won't need subsidised childcare forever, at some point I'll need older adult care, a pension, healthcare. Very few people manage to get through life without the use of any public services. And public services need to be better at meeting those needs.

OP posts:
andweallsingalong · 04/08/2026 21:19

If he's a high earner I would assume his pension pot, that he wants to keep, is considerable.

Could you not agree not to go for your half of his pension in exchange for you keeping the house, so the kids have stability for school. It doesn't sound like he would have any problem getting a new family home, but you would.

OutOfTheOtherSide · 04/08/2026 21:18

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 20:59

Not contradictory at all.

I'd like higher earners (including myself) to pay higher taxes and get more subsidised childcare, a stronger, more connected and cheaper public transport system, a better and nationalised water service, free higher education, a more efficiently run and NHS, higher minimum wage and higher benefits for low income families and the disabled. If my childcare was cheaper, I wouldn't get as much UC!

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But what is the point of you paying more tax if you then want it back in subsidised childcare? There's no logic to that.

Nonsense10 · 04/08/2026 21:09

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 20:59

Not contradictory at all.

I'd like higher earners (including myself) to pay higher taxes and get more subsidised childcare, a stronger, more connected and cheaper public transport system, a better and nationalised water service, free higher education, a more efficiently run and NHS, higher minimum wage and higher benefits for low income families and the disabled. If my childcare was cheaper, I wouldn't get as much UC!

Show quote history

Ignore the others who are having a go about UC. It will mainly be childcare support and why shouldn't you? It's not different to anyone claiming tax free childcare so people need to get off their high horses. Child maintenance isn't included in the calculations but any spousal maintenance is.
Your children will be entitled to free school meals when you claim UC.

Good luck OP

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 20:59

OutOfTheOtherSide · 04/08/2026 20:49

You'd like to pay more tax but at the same time you're going to claim UC. Ever so slightly contradictory!

Show quote history

Not contradictory at all.

I'd like higher earners (including myself) to pay higher taxes and get more subsidised childcare, a stronger, more connected and cheaper public transport system, a better and nationalised water service, free higher education, a more efficiently run and NHS, higher minimum wage and higher benefits for low income families and the disabled. If my childcare was cheaper, I wouldn't get as much UC!

OP posts:
OutOfTheOtherSide · 04/08/2026 20:49

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 20:45

Easy answer - higher taxes. Until now, as a household we've been net contributors. More than happy to pay more tax if we get something to show for it. Problem is, our public services are incredibly inefficient meaning our current taxes aren't utilised effectively. Cutting benefits and public services isn't the answer though.

And yes. A large number of right wing social workers.

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You'd like to pay more tax but at the same time you're going to claim UC. Ever so slightly contradictory!

Besidemyselfwithworry · 04/08/2026 20:47

Loulou4022 · 04/08/2026 12:02

I thought if you did 50/50 custody you don’t get any maintenance?

My colleague does 50/50 no money changes hands and they go halves on everything for the kids
clothes, clubs, school trips etc

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 20:45

RuinartRuination · 04/08/2026 20:41

As a social worker, I don’t think you needed to mention that you’re a leftie. Are there any raving righties in social work? Do you have the compulsory nose ring too? Or maybe that’s only ITV dramas.

Out of genuine interest, because I’m always curious about the economics of raving lefties, who would you have pay for all these extra benefits you think people should have?

<misses point of thread entirely>

(maybe take in some ironing, OP)

Show quote history

Easy answer - higher taxes. Until now, as a household we've been net contributors. More than happy to pay more tax if we get something to show for it. Problem is, our public services are incredibly inefficient meaning our current taxes aren't utilised effectively. Cutting benefits and public services isn't the answer though.

And yes. A large number of right wing social workers.

OP posts:
RuinartRuination · 04/08/2026 20:41

Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 12:32

So I use the car for my days in the office/ on visits but I have 2 home working paperwork days.

The point of the thread is I'm worried about living on a single income. I was surprised but pleased I could still get UC. I'm a raving lefty if that helps? I think more people should be eligible for benefits. And not just because I now need to claim them.

Show quote history

As a social worker, I don’t think you needed to mention that you’re a leftie. Are there any raving righties in social work? Do you have the compulsory nose ring too? Or maybe that’s only ITV dramas.

Out of genuine interest, because I’m always curious about the economics of raving lefties, who would you have pay for all these extra benefits you think people should have?

<misses point of thread entirely>

(maybe take in some ironing, OP)

Nomdeplumeforthis1 · 04/08/2026 20:38

Like others say it does seem a low take home for your wage but I’ve seen your other comments.
I earned about that when I split up from my ex but no entitlement to UC- not through savings just through the threshold which does change.
I assume you’ve claimed the CB as you are the lower earner but if your ex drops wages he could claim for 1 child and you for the other.
i would not rely on him having a high wage from a high earning role. That could disappear overnight so I’d budget as close as you can without it.

Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 20:27

Supersleepysheepy · 04/08/2026 20:26

I'd say that's about right, maybe a bit less for car and for gas and electric and food. We spend £350 per month for 3 of us and don't particulalry scrimp to get to that. Maybe add in your mobile deal? Mine is sim free so just £12 per month for unlimited everything. Over all it gives you a very decent amount every month really. I'd probably set a standing order for a certain amount to go into a savings account each month to build the buffer. Also, if one child is 10 already are you likely to be able to have less childcare in the not too distant future?

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Yes, less childcare, but then my UC will go down by half.

OP posts:
Original poster
Therewegothen · 04/08/2026 20:26

GooseyDuck · 04/08/2026 20:23

He doesn’t want to screw you over now, but he might if you’re awarded half his pensions…

Could you afford to live on no maintenance and the benefits for one child, not two?

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It'd cut my income by £300 so it would be extremely tight.

OP posts:
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