AIBU to worry about managing financially after separation with two children?

You won't get maintenance and whether you believe a lot more people should be eligible for benefits, where do you expect the additional money to come from ? The government is already borrowing a lot more than they should.

If it is an exact 50/50 split then you won't receive any maintenance. The Gov calculator is just an estimate - it counts 50/50 as being anywhere between 175 to 182 days per year. If one parent has the child only 175 days, then yes they will need to pay maintenance.

You will have enough to live on, but it won't be the lifestyle that you're used to unfortunately.

It’s really up to you. Your relationships with your children.

I wouldn’t want to give up time with mine, even if it meant I was reliant on benefits. But my ex wouldn’t be able to provide for them and it sounds like yours would, so it’s an entirely different situation.

Fair enough. Although if a meter already fitted I think you have to stick with it. TBH my bills went down 75% after neter fitted

You honestly need to talk to him. I’ve always said to my partner that if we broke up he would have to have the children as I just wouldn’t be able to afford to on my wage. I’d only have enough money to have a room in a shared house and I’d just have to crack on with working and see the kids at the weekends. They are tween and teenage ages now so it would be a bit easier to do that.

I thought you had to have them installed if moving to new house or has that changed

Yep. Very nice

Nice.

This makes perfect sense.

Then you wouldn’t have to take from
the public purse. As someone earning 6 figures he wouldn’t need UC topping up. He can afford to support them. You need/want UC to support them.

Maybe it would make more sense for your ex to have the children most of the time as he will be able to afford a family sized home? You could do every other weekend and a couple of sleepovers maybe and then the size of your property could be more affordable.

Hey OP
Just chucking my twopence in, the scariest part is thinking about it and wondering how it will all work, but once you are in the midst of it it does fall into place. Your mindset shifts and planning / seeking bargains etc. Becomes second nature.

I am on a lower wage than yourself, not much in savings, don't receive any support or UC, but manage fine :) part of this is due to reframing what we view as important. Trying to instil in my child that experiences are better than material goods, so lowering expectations, having dinner at home, but choosing a nice place for pudding etc.

Once bills are covered, children need time more than physical items. I look at friends who are married and they have normalised buying new clothes or outfits for little ones, or always buying a new toy when out and about. I think when you have that safety net, your expenditure matches and you don't think about money. When you no longer have that safety net, there is a period of readjustment, but your lifestyle will eventually reflect what is possible.

I'm not sure if I am making much sense, but once the bills are covered, the rest eventually falls into place and adjusts. You have a really good income and if you are eligible for support, then a bigger safety net, so the biggest shift will be around reframing your expectations and values, you have got this! Please don't give up time with your kids for financial reasons, they want time with you first and foremost :)

I don't know about maintenance but had thought nobody pays if custody is 50/50. Certainly that's what happened when dsis divorced.

The £1300 mortgage is a lot. Is that a repayment mortgage? Could you do interest only, even if only till you're back on your feet?

He would still be liable to pay maintenance is he makes in excess of £156,000.

If he makes below that, and care is shared equally with you, then he is not liable to pay maintenance. This is also stated on the introduction page for the calculator.

I hate these threads, armchair warriors appear everywhere and thibk they know the rules better than everyone.

Op if he earns substantially more than you, which he does, he can still be compelled to pay on a 50/50 agreement. Its quite common. If he doesnt want you touching his pension, you get a bigger % of the equity, he would be a stupid man to have a huge pension and not give you the lions share of equity.

When it comes to CB, if he cant claim due to his salary it makes sense for you to claim for both. In reality the primary carer is usually the one claiming the CB but ALSO the one that will take them to doctors, school, what address the children are registered at.

Is he able to do 50/50 practically? Can you?

Im so confused by your tax though, I bring home the same on 36k a year.

If you can't afford the house and he can, would he offer you a generous buy out (to equal half his pension) instead of you taking half his pension? He could refinance and take out an equity loan. If neither of you want the house, then perhaps you get a larger (or all) the equity in exchange for signing off on his pension.

Talk to the solicitor you plan to see soon about the options regarding the house and his pension. You might be surprised at the creative ways of getting a larger share of 'cash' or of other assets in exchange for leaving a pension alone.

Just don't raise any of this to him until you've spoken to that solicitor. I know you said 'he'll be fair' but to tell you the truth, considering that he wants to 'save' his pension, I highly doubt he'll come up with a proposal that's truly fair.

Exactly it's a load of shit.

So your dh earns approximately £120k and yet the tax payer has to support his kids. This country has gone mad.

My dc on NMW paying tax to support your 6 figured salary ex dh’s dc. WTF!

You say it is 300k for a 3 bed house, but flats are generally cheaper. Look for a flat, or 2 bed thst can be easily partitioned, instead. Ex local authority property is often more spacious and cheaper.

He does not get to just want to keep his pension! I want a million pounds, but it doesn't mean I am going to get it. Yes you will have lifestyle adjustments to make after so long with much higher income, buy plenty of us have a perfectly good life on less. You will be out of the childcare years soon enough and can the look to make savings and possibly improve housing at some point.

You would definitely get UC on that wage towards the childcare. Your best paying 100% of it yourself and putting all the costs through UC, then get exH to pay you half. That way you get some back from UC and that helps without the child maintenance.

Yanbu to be worried about finances, you are going to see your household income drop by 140k? per year and it'll require some adjustment.
I think expecting maintenance on 50/50 shared care plus half of the other child associated costs is unreasonable.
You should be including pensions, but an nhs pension is surprisingly valuable. If you've worked for the nhs for a number of years, it could be that your pension is actually worth more than his is.
Legal advice is needed.